Cis bisexuals, responding to your posts
Putting this in a separate post to respond to vampireredhead and jessiray. Several other folks raised similar points but I’ll just deal with them all here and link people as necessary. Cis bisexuals who have been collecting, feel free to link to this if you need to.
I did this FAQ style based on the arguments the linked posts were making, and a couple others I saw on reblogs.
Why are you only talking about bisexual people?
- I am bisexual. Trans people share this label with you. Trans people argue for the validity of this label and try to destigmatize it all over this website and elsewhere (have you checked my bisexuality tag? I do it almost every day). Trans people are trotted out plenty of times to prove the bisexual label isn’t inherently transphobic or binarist, so there should be plenty of room for us to deal with in-house cissexism as needed.
- I see posts every day from monosexual people, particularly from trans folks who share that identity with that group, to stop conflating their attraction to (or non-attraction) to genitals. Saying “I’m gay because vaginas are gross!” is cissexist and misogynist, saying “I’m a lesbian because penises are gross!” is cissexist and transmisogynist. You may only have sex with cis people and that’s your deal, but placing value judgments (good or bad) about people’s genital situations as related to gender and desire is usually bad for us trans folks.
- I would like my bisexual communities to be a safe place for me as a trans bisexual.
Are you saying I can’t like people’s bodies as a big part of my attraction/sexuality/sexual identity?
- No. Just that you should not conflate liking multiple kinds of bodies (esp genitals) with your attraction to multiple genders.
- I’m asking that you consider the impact that genital-focused discussions have on trans folks, esp AMAB trans folks, because the effects it has on trans people and cis people are not equal.
- This does not mean you can’t talk about what people do with their bodies or how they do gender or their presentation as a big part of why you like them/are attracted to them. I hope people notice my presentation and like me because of it, not in spite of it. I also hope they don’t conflate my genitals with my gender, too.
But I’m proud I like many kinds of bodies/genitals! That’s what makes being bisexual so great/different!
- Except it’s not what makes bisexuality unique. For example, a lesbian likes women right? And women can have a variety of genital configurations, right? And lesbian is distinct from bisexual, right? So interacting with/being attracted to people with diverse bodies is not what makes bisexual so great, it’s a reality spread across all identities.
- Phrasing your desire in this way means you necessarily spread multiple kinds of genitals across more than one gender to describe what makes bisexuality unique. That is conflating people’s bodies with their genders, and that is cissexist.
- That does not mean you have to abandon talking about what you like to do in the sack. Merely that you should be more careful and more precise while doing it.
Aren’t you being kinda prude with all this?
- Not that it’d be a problem if I was, but I’m far from it. I talk about sex and what I like to do with other people ALL THE TIME. I have a nudie blog, have you seen it?
- If I were slut-shaming, it would mean I’d have to say “talking about genitals is gross” when I actually said, “conflating genitals with gender is gross”. I also said, “when you talk about desire/attraction to/sex with trans people and you focus on the genital talk, it impacts us in negative ways so could you be more careful with that?”
Furthermore, I spent an hour writing my first post, and an hour writing this response. You’ll notice that I repeat myself quite a bit in this post because in my original one, I laid out things with a lot of precision using the best word economy I could. I ask that cis bisexuals reread the original, and then this post, at least twice before I get any more messages or reblogs about why I’m being such a big meanie about all this.
I responded to vampireredhead and jessiray with an educational post because they asked for one politely. I will not put this kind of effort into posts for folks taking whiny cis shits any time a trans person calls them on some bullshit.