jessie winchester

Outside Gunnison, Colorado 1989

JESSY: It finally happened.
MATTY: What, you didn’t get detention this week?
JESSY: Me and Jackie.  We kissed.
MATTY: Hey, can I stop hearing about him every two minutes now?  ‘You think he likes me?  Jackie looked at me.  I-I think he looked at me.’
JESSY: He definitely likes me.
MATTY: Jess, you know you gotta be careful.
JESSY: I’m not an idiot.
MATTY: Yeah, I know, but it’s not just Ned and Charlie and those dicks who’ll stomp your head in.  I mean everybody at school and in town… they won’t leave you alone.
JESSY: OK.  I wish we were gone already.  Can’t you lie and say you’re eighteen and get a fake ID?
MATTY: California’s expensive, OK, we just gotta save some more money.
JESSY: You could… sell your collection.
MATTY: I will, ok, when it’s time.  I can get at least $900 for the buffalo nickel. and another $400 for the double eagle.
JESSY: That’s a lot.
MATTY: Look, Jess, as soon as I turn eighteen, I promise, we’re going to get out of here, ok?

So there’s like three different things going on in this conversation.

– Jessy is twelve in the spring of 1989, which means he was born in 1978 or so.  Dean’s a year younger.  Folks have speculated on what John Winchester said to Dean to keep Dean so hyper-focused on performing masculinity and heterosexuality for so long… and I think it was pretty much what Matty says to Jessy here.  Only, you know, over and over, in each new (potentially shitty) town, with the standard John Winchester lack of emotional intelligence and an added dollop of ‘think what will happen to Sam if you get yourself stomped.’  

– Matty has a coin collection, which we can figure is precious to him personally, since he went to the trouble of collecting it and all, and also has material value on the open market.  He’s willing to trade it away in hopes of rescuing his little brother.  

– Matty won’t go until he’s eighteen.  He’s waiting until he can legally leave, legally work, maybe even have a shot at getting legal custody of his fourteen-year-old brother.  He’s taking the long view, here.  Things suck in the here and now, but if they can tread water for a couple more years, they can head west and make a real start of things.  

Matty is paralleling three Winchesters at once.  It’s kind of dizzying.

“I never got over what I lost that day. The one person in the whole world I loved the most”.

Ok so, personally, I think it was VERY important that Jessy said these lines in 11x19. Firstly, I believe they were added to emphasize that Jessy and his brother’s bond was as deep as Sam and Dean’s, because while the fact that Jessy and his brother were close to each other, and them being a parallel for Dean and Sam was clear enough, I think it was important for us to see that Jessy’s and his brother’s relationship was similar to that of Sam and Dean in more ways than one. Because some could say “Oh they were brothers but their love is nothing like the one Sam and Dean have for each other!” But hey. Listen. This specific dialogue was added for something.

Losing his brother hurt Jessy just as much as losing Sam would hurt Dean, because his brother was the person he loved the most in the world.  Because, Jessy’s words couldn’t have been clearer and nobody puts that in doubt. Nobody. They loved each other deeply. And I’m guessing we can all see that this is definitely also true for Dean and Sam. No one can deny it. It’s been stated several times by them, by others, and it’s part of what makes the show what it is. Definitely part of what makes it so special. So if Dean or Sam died, would they ever truly get over it? Of course not! And so, Jessy and his brother had something like that. The show wanted us to see it.

“But it’s still not the same!” some could cry. And I also agree because, let’s ask ourselves. Did the episode show Jessy going through his grief feeling completely hopeless and even acting suicidal after finding his dead brother? No. Did it show him losing his mind and rejecting his husband and saying he could never live without his brother? No. Did it show him completely disregarding his own life and the feelings of those that still love him? No. And yet he still loves his brother deeply, like he didn’t love and has never loved anyone. So what’s the difference??? This brings me to the last question. Did Jessy show signs of codependency when it came to him dealing with his brother’s death? No! And that’s what makes it different! The fact that even though Jessy and his brother were close and loved each other like they loved no one, which would make it impossible to get over each other, even with time, their relationship was a healthy one. Their relationship wasn’t tainted by constant fear of abandonment or death or maybe something worse. Jessy and his brother weren’t codependent.

Now now. Don’t get me wrong. I honestly believe Dean LOVES Sam like he doesn’t love, hasn’t loved, and will never love anyone. He’s his little brother and no one and nothing will ever change that. That’s beautiful and not a bad thing. This is not something I’m against. However, I do not think codependency is something to romanticize. This is truly something I am against, and the thing is, “they would never get over each other if they died, they love each other more than anyone in the world” is almost word by word the argument codependency apologists in the fandom give to other fans, to claim that Dean and Sam will never, ever be capable of living without each other, of surviving each other, of loving someone else in any meaningful way. EVER. And so, that argument doesn’t really work anymore! ‘Cause you can be capable of feeling like this, and still carry on. You can love like this and not be codependent. You can still love. Still be happy. This has now been stated as perfectly plausible, as a possibility, by the show itself. 

This is why I loved these lines so much, too. Even while stating how big Jessy’s love for his brother was, and even throwing in the line that things would never be the same after losing his brother, the ep also showed Jessy having a longterm romantic relationship with another hunter. They showed him yes of course grieving but, without downplaying his pain, they also chose to give him a positive attitude. A space for allowing more love in his heart. A hope for surviving. A vision for the future. They chose to give him a happy life, even after everything. And when it comes to Sam and Dean I can’t help but feeling hopeful now. ‘Cause they deserve so much more and so much better. Because they don’t have to be alone or feel worthless. They truly deserve their own happy ending. Their own New Mexico. And with all of this, and other stuff that has happened this season I, for once and unlike last year, am feeling positive that in the end, they might just get it!