Hey, Jesse Watters. You’re in the news again, but not for being bafflingly racist against Asian people this time. Instead, you scolded a crowd for booing Ivanka Trump, chiding them for being disrespectful. And in that same moist, smug breath, you let plop out: “But, uh, I really like the way she was speaking into that microphone.” To prevent any misinterpretation of this as an innocently unintentional innuendo, you smirked so greasily that your lips slid off your face.
Then, perhaps feeling the vague sense that “maybe I shouldn’t have made a coy BJ joke on the heels of Bill O'Reilly being fired for sexual harassment,” you jittered your oily fingers against a keyboard and beat out the masterpiece seen above.
Now listen, blowjob mic guy. Can I call you Blowjob Mike? Cool. Listen, Blowjob Mike. You know this is bullshit, we know this is bullshit, you know we know this is bullshit. This as much an apology as a dollop of warm mayonnaise between two pieces of limp lettuce is a sandwich.