jerry likes to think he is funny when he really isnt

Swapped Contacts (request)

Request: could you do an imagine where the reader gets a new phone and the contacts get messed up so after she hangs out with josh, she texts her best friend a message about how in love she is w josh & “i know ive said it a thousand times before but i just like him so much” and it gets sent to josh instead and he responds back something like “hey this isnt (best friends name) uh, its josh.” or maybe he facetimes her. idk but josh tells her he likes her back n its rly cute aa


A/N: Thank you for your request! I loved the idea and writing it, I hope you enjoy it! :) xx

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Words: 1531 

Triggers: None (at least I think so, if not, please tell me!)

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As soon as you closed the door, after saying goodbye to Josh, you slide down on it. Burying your face in your hands, you let a frustrated groan out.

Even if you had fun hanging out with Josh, it was a slight torture for you. Stupid you and your stupid feelings. Why did you have to fall for one of your closest friends? Especially for Josh, which you will never ever have even the slightest chance with.

But that boy was just perfect, so no wonder that he stole your heart. He was humble, funny and had a heart of pure gold. Whenever you were feeling down or needed a shoulder to cry onto, Josh was there. He was perfect, in every meaning. But that’s the problem, he was too perfect. So perfect that he deserves so much better than you. That’s why you never told him about your feelings for him. You were afraid that you would loose him as your friend, so you decided to say nothing. The only person who knew about your enormous crush was your best friend Amber.


Speaking of her, you needed to rant about your stupid feelings, in order to feel better. It always goes like this whenever you hung out with Josh. You wrote her, telling her how stupid you are for falling for someone who is way out of your league. She would always try to convince you to just man up and tell him, the chances of Josh feeling the same way being there. But you didn’t want to believe her so you stayed by your plan of keeping shut.

You fiddled around in your back pocket of your jeans, searching for your phone. It was new since your old one died. So new, that you had major problems with it. After numerous attempts of finding her number and opening the messenger app, you finally wrote her.

To: Amber <3
I know I’ve said it already like 12532663 times but I feel like every time I see Josh, I like him more and more and it’s just ughh, how does one stop crushing on a guy? He’s so perfect and I’m just me and I will never have a chance with him and that’s driving me insane rn

You pressed send and stood up, making your way to your kitchen. Maybe ice-cream could help your aching heart. After all, Ben and Jerry are always good listeners.


As you drowned your sorrow, you wondered what took Amber so long to answer. Normally she replies within the first five minutes and it’s already 20 minutes later after you’ve sent that message.

After waiting for more 10 minutes, Amber finally replied. Or at least you thought so.

From: Amber <3
Hey this isn’t Amber, (Y/n), uhm, it’s actually Josh

You dropped your phone onto the kitchen isle. Holy frickin’ Cow. After all of the people you had saved in your contacts, it must have been Josh? Why?!

Before you could even think about a way to tell him that the message wasn’t the truth, just a bad joke, you got an incoming FaceTime call from Amber. Or more likely Josh. You hesitated to pick up, would you really want to face him now? After confessing your abnormally big crush on him? You didn’t want Josh to make fun of you.

But sooner or later, you had to face him again, if you wanted to or not. So why not do it now? Maybe he will believe you when you say that it was a joke.

So after ending your internal battle, you accepted the incoming FaceTime call. Just like you thought, it was Josh’s face on your screen, not Amber’s. Dang it.

„So before you say anything, I- The message wasn’t supposed to be sent to you, it was meant for Amber! And I- uhm, it was a joke, okay? Nothing more. Speaking of it, I did mean to send you the message! It wouldn’t make sense if I sent it to Amber, would it? So okay, now that this is cleared up, I have to go do something, Bye!“ You rambled on and on, your face getting redder and redder. Just as you wanted to end the call or more your misery, Josh stopped you.

„(Y/N)! Slow down, okay? So what you’re saying is, what you wrote in the message isn’t true?“ Before you could even register what your head was doing, you nodded. As soon as you confirmed Josh’s assumptions, his face dropped. He kind of looked sad, like you just destroyed his birthday cake he waited for all year. What…?

„Uhh, okay, I should go now. Bye (Y/N)“  Just as you wanted to tell him the truth because there was the slight chance that he may like you back, he ended the call, leaving you with a blank screen.

Josh truly looked devastated, maybe Amber was right. Maybe he does have feelings for you, more than just for a good friend. As soon as the realization hit you, you grabbed your car keys and ran out of your apartment. Maybe you were crazy for doing this, but if there was even the smallest chance of Josh liking you, you knew you had to take it. Even if it meant embarrassing yourself in front of him.


Never before, you managed to arrive as fast as now at Josh’s apartment. Practically running to his front door, you ringed his doorbell like a crazy maniac. You probably looked like one as well.

It took him only a few moments to open his front door, but for you, it felt like a lifetime. And slowly but surely your new found self-confidence and the feeling that he may like you back faded. You started to debate if it even was a good idea to drive to and confront him. But Josh opened his door and now there was no turning back for you.

Josh looked surprised, to say the least, to see you standing on his door step, out of breath with probably smeared ice-cream on the corners of your mouth. You really should have checked your outer appearance before doing this. Before he could even greet you or ask what you were doing at his place, you took your last remains of self-confidence and started to talk. Or more like ramble.

„I lied, okay? I do have this big enormous and stupid crush on you and believe me, I tried everything to get rid of it because you’re my friend and I’m not supposed to have these kinds of feelings for you, but I do and I can’t change it. I’m sorry that I probably destroy our friendship with this, but as I told you that it was only a joke, you looked so disappointed, like you hoped that my crush on you was real. I thought that maybe, just maybe, you feel the same but when I think about it now, it was stupid of me. You’re way out of my league and I’m sorry that I had to tell you about my stupid feelings and that I just made our friendship thousand times more weird and embarrassing, I hope you-“ You couldn’t even finish your sentence before Josh kissed you. Like actually kissing you.

You probably looked like you’ve seen a ghost because you couldn’t take the fact in that Josh Dun was kissing you. But you quickly snapped out of your haze and kissed him back, and oh boy, did it feel good.

After some more moments, the two of you broke apart. You’re still utterly confused on why he actually kissed you. Just as you wanted to speak up, again, Josh interrupted you.

„I like you too, (Y/N), more than in just a friendly way. Or in your words: I have this big enormous and stupid crush on you, too. I just never thought that you would feel the same until you’ve sent that message.“

„Thanks to my dumb mobile phone then, which somewhat switched my contacts around“ You laughed, Josh joining in. Your face already hurt from grinning so much but you didn’t care because he actually likes you and even kissed you.

„Yeah thanks to your phone“, Josh seemed suddenly somewhat nervous again, before speaking up. „Do you wanna be my girlfriend? I mean, we practically confessed our undying love for each other but I wanna make sure that you’re finally mine.“ Josh shrugged, grinning again.

You rolled your eyes because he’s such a dork, before kissing him softly on the lips. „Yes, I’d love to be your girlfriend“

As Josh leaned in to kiss you again, your phone began ringing, showing an incoming call from Josh.

„I’m gonna assume that this is Amber, I’m sorry but I need to take this.“ Josh nodded, signaling you to accept her call.

„(Y/N)! Everything alright? You normally call or write, after you and Josh hung out, I just wanted to make sure that everything’s good.“ You laughed, before telling her that everything is alright and that you do need to tell her some things. And that’s exactly what you did, while you cuddled with your new boyfriend on his couch.

missclementea  asked:

Jerry :( I'm sad, something really depressing happened earlier and I need your help cheering me up.

ok please enjoy this. :)

JERRY X READER FANFIC

——

Your name is (Your First Name) Bungalow Bill… and your the sexiest mother fucker on this street. every day your just so sexy that you have to cover all your mirrors. your orbs is (your eyecolor) and your strands are (your haircolor)

One day youre just taking a swim in the lake downtown. Just swimming all around in there with your pecs and swimming down and grabbing trouts in your bare hands. You hear a little something and you look around. You don’t see anything but then you keep looking… And. You see… someone drownding…

your legs go fast and your arms to fast and you swim to them. you pick their body up out of the water noting how buff it is… and ripped. Your blushing cause well you just think thats so handsome. you pull the man out of the water and hold him above. He coughs up water and blood and he looks at you with those big sexy marbles (eyes)

His wet brown lock curls and strands are on his head. “Hi thank you” he says handsomely, his voice like a speedrun of darksouls 2. “I’m Jerry… Jerry smith. thank you for rescuing me my prince…”

Your just so embarassed and you swuirm around. “Ahhh!!!! X_X 0mg Lol… anything for you bigboy… Glad i could help baby boy.” your so sweaty and your shoes are so small on your feet. You take off your shirt cause its so hot and reveal a tattoo of vegeta.

Jerry sees this and his eyes go blind of love. “Omg… I know you… Are you by any chance BungyChungyBill62 on ao3?!” he screams. “Yes” Uou say firmly back. “Oh my god i love your vegeta fanfics so much he is just so smexy am i right?!” he says. You smile proudly. “I agree.”

Papa J stands up and brushes off his shirt. “Well i should probably get going soon i have to go back home and cook dinner for my children” he holds up a fish that he caught in the water. “Those babys are gonna love this. Just kidding they hate all my meals and I’m alone”

You both chuckle and laugh at that funny joke!

You part ways and go back to your apartment where you sigh dreamily. Jerrey….. Oh he was so epic. but now that you have tasted perfection, what does life matter? you sit on your couch and play super monkey ball until you pass out at 6 am.

—–

The Next Morning

you wake up and take out your laptop and look at it. you have 3 new private messages. one is a continuation of your teen titans go roleplay thread. one is from your boss telling you that youre fired. and one… is from Jerry

“Hi (your name). Do you want to come camping with me this weekend, we have 6 pairs of hiking boots and there is only 5 of us in my family. I need to repay you for saving my life. Please respond. Love Jerry”

you fcking type “Yes” into the keyboard so good and you hit send. You are so excited you go to Walmart and you buy fishing line and bug spray and a whole canoe and you go home and knit yourself a sweater and it says “I LOVE JERRY” on it and you wear it.

-/——-

the next day

you hear honcking of a car outside and you go out there and see Jerry waving from his car. you take your suitcase and you go out there so fast and you see him. “Hi (name)? my family is so happy to see you are coming” he says. “guys this is the man who saved my life. ”

They are all playig magikarp jump and they dont say hi or look at you

“Haha well you know how it is” he says sexily. Everything about him is so tender and strong. “Hop in the trunk sorry we have no other room” he says and he gets out of the car and helps you into the trunk. You lay down in there and he kisses your forehead and closes it down and you just play your 3ds in there for a few hours

On the way there they stop and you get out cause you are all going in to get food on the way from McDonald’s. you step out and stretch and Jerry and you all go in.

You decide to talk to his family. “hi are you jerrys wife?” you say to Beth.“ unfortunately LOL” she says. Your so mad and angry. Beth goes to the counter. “uhhh can i get a. Fucking large Coke and 3 tomattos and a cookie and a salad and crotons and just a little Oreo mcflurry yes that will be all” she says. When she isnt looking you take her Coke and you put 10 salt packets into it.

Next you talk to morty he is just sitting at a table tying his shoes. “Hi morty jerrys son? I’ve heard so much about you” you say. Jerry didn’t tell you anything about him but also I forgot you have mind reading powers and you just know. morty looks up at you and he says “yeah” and he takes off his shoelaces and throws them in the garbage and takes off his shoes and throws them in the garbage cause he does not know how to tie them.

now youre talkig to summer. she is skyping with her boyfriend. “And so then they all shoot the ancient minister and his cape catches on fire and its fucking rob!!!!!Oh hold on one second. Hi what do you want” she says. “Oh hi summer just…… well just saying hi cause we are camping together. Are you having fun” “no” she says. “Ok well… maybe i have something for you…” you reach into your suitcase and just pull out a book. it says WARRIORS volume 1. you hand it to her. “try reading this bitch.” “Ok maybe i will bitch!!!!”

You walk up to their grabdpa Rick. “Hi Rick.” you say. “Dontever talk to me again” he says and he takes a real gun out of his pocket and shoots you

You wake up in the trunk of the car and walk back into McDonald’s. They are all eating their nuggets. “Ok there you are you died for a little bit there” they say. Jerry takes your hand. (your name) please come in the play place with me" he says. “Ok” you say and you both go in the McDonald’s play place and you have a fun time on the slide playing tag

When you are done you go back in the trunk and go to the campsite. When you get there you get out and breathe in the fresh air and 4 mosquitos. “Ahh… The fresh air” you say… “Boy do I love camping” you say and you take your suitcase and open it up and just chug one of those bottles of bug spray.

Jerry comes up to you. He has a headband that says JERRY RULES on it and he is wearing a shirt with Dwayne the rock Johnson smiling and giving a thumbs up. he is wearing very short shorts and sandles with socks and fingerless gloves and eyeshadow and blue lipstick. He winks at you. “Are you ready to have some fun” he says. You do a little dance. “Oppa gangnam style yes i am Jerry!” You are wearing skinny jeans, your I love Jerry sweater, a wolf hat because your fursona is a wolf, high heels, and a ripped vest with fake plastic crystals on the back.

You and jerry help set up the tent whole beth and summer just drink mountain dew and no one knows where rick and morty are. when you have finished setting up the tent there are 2 wasp nests in there and you are very scared. “Kyaaa…” you squeal and hide behind Jerry. “oh no need to fear (YOUR NAME HERE) they dont call me Jerry for a reason” he said. he Walks in there and just rips off the wasp nests in his bare hands and eats them and you see him grow slightly larger as he does. He turns to you and winks. You fall over and faint

When you wake up you are in the tent. it’s pretty dark out. you go outside and morty is on fire and everyone is roasting marshmallows on him. “oh hi (name) you sure sleep a lot and die a lot!” says Jerry and they all kek and laugh together. You blush in embarrassment. Jerry walks over to you handsomely. “Hi motherfucker do you want to take a walk and play pokemon go” he asks. You pull your phone out of your (your area of choice) “Yes” you say. both of you hold hands and start walking down the dark streets.

You can see illuminated from the fires that people are having. And also Jerry is giving off a faint glow. “Wow Jerry… you’re so beautiul tonight” you say bash fully. He smiles. “Yeah I know” he whispers. “Want to go somewhere cool?” he asks. “Yes” you say and dab.

Jerry and you go deep into the woods. “Jerry I csnt see anything” you say. “Oh one moment.” He grunts hard and focuses. Hundreds of fireflies come flying over to him and land on him and he is glowing now. You are amazed and crying. “Jerry I have to say something…” you say. “I’m in love with you!”

Jerry gasps and puts a hand up to his face and he swallows some fireflies accidentally. “Oh (your name)! I’m in love with you too!”

you both lean in… but then suddenly… a green portal opens behind you. some ricks come out and one of them pushes Jerry off a cliff and he dies. “Ahhhhhhh my beautiful Jerry!!! you… you mother fuckers will pay…” you say and flex hard. You start transforming into your beast form. Your hands get long and your ears get wolf ears. Your teeth become sharp and your eyes are glowing red and you are shacking. But before you can do anything a tranquilizer dart is shot into your back and you can’t see and you fall asleep.

————

You wake up in a brightly colored room well its white. It’s space jail and you are in it and to your right is a big buff space man and he looks so mean and weird. “where am i…?” you moan and you look around. Then a tv comes down and a Rick is on the tv.

“Ok so we thought you were gonna be Beth lol” he says. “we didnt excepet jerry to be kissing some stranger in the woods but i guess thats just fucken jerry bitch!!!!! Anyways we cant let you go now cause we found a rare mineral in your body. in 2 days we will harvest it and you will die sorry.” and he hangs up

You collapse to the floor and start crying and bawling. Why does this happen to you? “Jerry…” you cry out. “I want your hot and sweet tender loins to come and hold me…”

“Oh really?” a voice says. You recognise that voice… Its Jerry. But he is not here! Then the alien to the left of you takes off its mask and it is Jerry. “Hi motherfucker” he says.

“OH JERRY!!!!!” you scream and run into his arms. “oh Jerry I thought you were DEAD!!!” you whisper loudly. and kiss his little eyelashes. “Oh I was. but I respawned then.” he says. “and now I’m gonna get you out of here bich!!!!”

He raises a hand above him and starts screaming. The entire prison you are locked in is turned into minecraft blocks. he absorbs them all and quickly crafts a spaceship for you to fly in. You both get in. “Hey you can’t do that what are you doing!!!!” Some ricks scream… But your flying just so much. And you go.

—–////–

You arrive back at the campground in the morning. you both step out. “Jerry what the fuck” says everyone at once. you are so glad to be back on earth.

Then Jerry collapsed onto the ground. “J… Jerry…? what’s wrong…?” you ask and get on your knees to feel his forehead. He is getting sick.

“I can’t survive this long without… Nutrients…” he whimpers. “I need the earth and wood and grass to survive im running out of time” he says his eyes fading away.

You grab some dirt and wood chips and put them in his mouth. he eats them. “yum… thank you…” he says softly. “But. I’m afraid it’s too late…”

His body goes limp.

“Ah Jerry…! No!!!!!!!!!” you scream and you put your lips to jerrys and Kiss him. He starts to glow and you are kissing and he rises up and he is glowing and he suddenly had a Beaitiful white suit on and he is alive.

“Oh (your name) you brought me back…! To life…!” he says and he hugs you. “thank you the power of LOVE saved me” he says crying. Your also crying. “Oh Jerry I love you so much you are so ripped and handsome and muscular and stronf and desirable and underrated and underappreciated…” you both embrace and kiss.

“Honey” says jery to Beth. “I think… I need to see someone else.”

“ok” says Beth. “we have been divorced for 3 years Jerry.”

“haha lol!” you all have a good laugh and slap your knees and you and Jerry are glowing and kissing and you both combine and melt into each other and fuse into one big buff man.

——- EPILOGUE ——–

You now enjoy your life as a fusion perfectly happy and married and you go around giving warrior cat books to people to get them hooked on warriors.

summer also is a cat now cause she loves them so much she asked Rick to turn her into one.

Beth is single and she is loving her life she is strong and goes on dates and she brings horses to life.

Morty hasnt worn shoes in 7 years. That’s ok though he is working on it.

Rick is exactly the same but he wears eyeliner now.

—– THE END ——