jerps

And man I ain’t never seen an ass like hers
And that pussy in my mouth had me loss for words
Told her back it up like berp berp
And I made that ass jump like jerp, jerp

8

this is my most recent mind blowing sexual encounter with ,a bad boy, is all iil say…. that turns me on very much, not even by his personality. He makes me jerp cause of the ways he puts me to bed . um i just have to say, he is a fucking hot cunt and that sex was unbelievable. he could take me to bed any day hes such a sxc thng 😉😍😍

95 truths Jerp edition ;)

What was your:

Last drink: Isotonic - Sport Tropical Berry. Classy
Last phone call: My mother
Last text by message: “Hiya where are you” 
Last time you cried: AT FUCKING ARROW LAST NIGHT

Have you ever:

Dated someone twice: Yes; it was sort of a mistake though?
Been cheated on: FUCKIN’ YES OMG I WAS SO PISSED, SHE WASN’T EVEN THAT HOT THE ONE WHO CHEATED ON ME FUCK.
Kissed someone and regret it: I’ve only kissed one person, and I’m dating that person so no.
Lost someone special: Yes; very close friend from 2011. ;-; </3
Been depressed: lolololololol ahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahah yes.
Been drunk and thrown up: No
List three favorite colors: Midnight Blue, Lime Green and Burgundy

In the last year have you:

Made a new friend: Yes and I’ll always be there for them :D
Fallen out of love: I’ve fallen out of love with eating junk food… Is that okay?
Laughed until you cried: OMG YES FUCK. - doritoflorito PASTAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Met someone who changed you: Mmm sort off
Found out someone was talking about you: YES, OMG WHAT BITCHES.
Kissed someone on your FB list: ;) ayeeeeeeeeeeeee

General:

How many people of your FB friends do you know in real life: on one account, Half & half tbf.
Do you own any pets: Does my brother count?
What did you do for your last birthday: Went to Bella Italia with my brother, my mother and my mother’s boyfriend - then went to see my girlfriend for 3 days.
What time did you wake up today: Like 10/10:30am?
What were you doing last night at midnight: Playing Ty on PS2. <3

Last time you saw your mother: Like 30 minutes ago?

What’s one thing you wish you could change about your life: Do everything which makes me happy.
What are you listening to right now: Nothing 
Have you ever talked to a person called Tom: Yes and he was an utter dick head.
What’s getting on your nerves right now: I have a headache and I just want to sleep, but I have to shower. ;-;
Blood type: Fuck knows
Nickname: Garts, Jerp, Garden, Fag
Zodiac Sign: Cancer
Favorite TV show: Arrow, The Inbetweeners or The Walking Dead
College: The Sheffield College ayyy
Hair color: Dark brown what’s almost black. :(
Long or short: I said long short? idk.
Height: 5′6/5′7
What do you like about yourself: My hair or my dress sense as I dress pretty darn good ;)
Tattoos: I want so many. </3
First surgery: Never had one
First best friend: Some kid when I was in Primary, hes a prick now.
First by WA”>sport you joined: Basketball or Cricket I can’t remember…
First vacation: Somewhere in Spain…

Right now:

Eating: Nothing
Drinking: Nothing
About to do: Properly eat a sandwich
Listening: My laptop fan

Want:

Kids: Imagine mini me’s running around the place…SO YES I NEED LIKE AN ARMY OF MINI ME
To get married: Yah <3 with my little derp
Career: Game designer plz

Which one is better:

Lips or eyes: If you have blue or green eyes you are lit my fav person in the world. <3
Hugs or kisses: Depends on mood really. 
Shorter/taller: Shorter or near enough the same height
Older or younger: Idrc, but most of past gfs been older by like a year or two… ;-;
Romantic or spontaneous: Depends on mood
Nose, stomach or nice arms: Honestly idc
Hookup or relationship: Relationship
Trouble maker or hesitant: Depends on the type of person really.

(but really, all these things doesn’t matter) Have you ever:

Kissed a stranger: No.

Drank a hard liquor: Nah

Lost glasses/contacts: Oh god this time in Primary school I lost my glasses and I cried for like 3 days

Sex on first date: Depends if you know the person well enough? idk. prob not..

Broke someone’s heart: Prob have but holla im friends with like all my exs

Been arrested: no im not cray cray

Turned someone on: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHA maybe.

Cried when someone died: GURLLLL FUCKING ARROW.

Do you believe:

In yourself: Sometimes
Miracles: Maybe
Love at first sight: Yup
Heaven: Idk tbh
Santa Claus: Santa is real guyz.

TAGGING MY ZE BEANS. danni-ily  kurt-c0bain-is-a-g0d​ 

also: anyone who wants to do this stuff

anonymous asked:

I'm glad I could do the service *chuckles opening the trunk of my jerp

I’m sure I can return it when basketball starts back up. *chuckles and closes my books*

  • Me:I'm gonna make some nachos oh yes I have been waiting for this for SO LONG.
  • Mom:I know you finished college two weeks ago, but you should have a career by now. Back in my day I had a career before I even graduated. Responsibility. Loans. Stay in America. You're single. Crippling fears.
  • Me:hmmm I mean I WAS going to apply to jobs today and be super productive but now I feel like I'm a worthless mound of diarrhea. So glad that I'm a fragile baby without any guidance or support.

MY LITTLE RED HOOD POST IS GETTING NOTES AGAIN. I DON’T KNOW WHICH ONE OF YOU STARTED THIS BUT IT’S BEEN OVER A YEAR SINCE I FUCKING MADE IT. I THOUGHT IT FUCKING DIED. IT’S GOING TO HAUNT ME FOREVER.

My dad told me that I saved his life tonight by figuring out how to put a ladder on the house. It’s okay dad, I only spend time in my room critically thinking about how to save everyone from accidental deaths rather than slouching around playing video games all day…wait…