jeremy's every yeare

Slytherin Headcanon #2 - Welcoming Feast

- All the little snakes are made to wait outside in the hallway under supervision from one of the prefects
- Then a loud voice goes
- “ENTERRRRRRR IFFFF YOUUU DAREEEEE”
- The firsties are kinda scared but kinda excited
- Cut to the prefect rolling her eyes because
- “God Jeremy we do this every year stop being so dramatic”
- Anyways
- So the first years hurry in and it’s all dark
- All they can hear is muttering and people cursing as they trip over each other
- “Shit, I can’t seeeeee”
- “Owwwwwwww you trod in my foot”
- “Yeah well, if someone just turned the bloody lights on I wouldn’t step on it”
- “Guys SHUT UP”
- So everyone is quiet and the firsties are giggling coz it doesn’t seem so scary any more
- Then a 7th year steps forward in long fancy robes
- “Welcome to hogwarts”
- “Are you ready to pledge your self to the noble house of Slytherin?”
- The other students are just so done because this happens every year and it’s always SO dramatic
- The first years are trying not to laugh at how sincere the 7th year is
- The 7th year is getting annoyed as no one is paying attention
- “No one is concentrating, this is important”
- “Nobody thinks that Jeremy, shut up”
- “The Ravenclaws would take me seriously”
- “Well you’re not in Ravenclaw so suck it”
- Jeremy goes and sulks in the corner of the room and the lights go on
- The older years welcome the newbies and smile at how dorky their house is
- The firsties grin and think to themselves that they can’t wait to get to know everyone and that they are in the best house

EVERYONE IS HAPPY. THE SLYTHERINS ARE WELCOMING AND KIND. THERE ARE NO CREEPY DEATH EATER PEOPLE. EVERYONE IS GOOD

submitted by @ohpatrclus

  • *Wymack giving the Foxes a pep talk*
  • Jean: *listening from down the field* What?
  • *Wymack continues speech with more feeling*
  • Jean: *taps Jeremy's shoulder* What the hell is he talking about?
  • Jeremy: He does this every year.
  • Jean: Seriously?
  • Jeremy: Yeah...
  • *Wymack continues speech with grandiose gestures*
  • *The Foxes cheer*
  • Jean: Wait, is this...?
  • Jeremy: Yeah it's the speech from Independence Day.
  • Jean: Uhhuh...
  • *Wymack continues speech with an Oscar winning performance of emotion*
  • Jeremy: Coach's favorite movie.
  • *Wymack practically punches the last words into the air*
  • Jean: He doesn't know any sport speeches?
  • Jeremy: I don't think he cares.
  • *The Foxes CHEER!!!!*