jeremy cannon

FAH! Crew au??

Idek what this is tbh but here, have it.

The vagabond is good with kids. And as fucking crazy as that sounds Geoff knows it’s true. 

Jack thinks he’s crazy when he first points it out. Though it probably isn’t helpful that the man is currently demonstrating to an enthralled Jeremy and a curious, but disgusted Ray, how to remove someones entrails with a spoon and not make a mess. 

But Geoff knows it’s true because kids are fucking weird. Now, he and the Vagabond don’t do many solo missions together. The situations in which they work well together are far and few between. But it seems to Geoff that it is only whenever they are alone that the children are involved. 

The first time it happens Geoff is sure the arsehole is fucking with him, because what fucking idiot child walks up to a masked mad man in the middle of a grocery store. All the adults, including the child’s terrified father have huddled into a corner - this is part of the reason he takes the vagabond shopping, it means he gets free reign of the aisles - but this kid, she can’t be older than two, walks straight up to him, tugs on his shirt and point at the shelf.

Geoff is more than ready to intervene -because moraless as he is, even he draws the line at harming children - but the Vagabond only picks her up and puts her on his shoulders.

Geoff is sure he looks like a fucking idiot with his mouth hanging open, because what the fuck. And then the two - drooling toddler and blood covered mass murderer - are having a conversation about princesses and how good the vagabonds hair would look in a sparkly ribbon.

Geoff tries not to think about it.

The second time it happens his crew have broken in to a rival base. The arseholes have Kerry and Cock Bite have paid big money to get their information broker back. The vagabond disappears and not a minute later returns with a kid. There is a muffled ‘what the fuck’ from someone - he thinks its Ray - because how the fuck did he find a kid?

Anyway, turns out the kid was being held for ransom - the vagabond didn’t take too kindly to that, the bodies are proof - and the crew are saddled with a kid for a week whilst Gavin tries to find out who his parents are.

Geoff is wondering how the fuck they are supposed to babysit when they can’t even look after them selves, when the vagabond walks in with three bags of toys and a beaming nine year old on his shoulders.

Gavin asks why he doesn’t treat them that well and the kid throws a monster truck at him.

Geoff is a little worried the vagabond might be trying to  create a large army of children armed with toy cars.

Jack thinks its adorable.