The minute Jeremy entered Michael’s house he was greeted by the sight of his boyfriend holding a puppy that yapped in his general direction.
“No I mean, why do you have it?”
“Zelda is not an it, she is a golden retriever puppy. I adopted her today!” Jeremy’s face blanked. Michael waves his hands in front of Jeremy’s face. “Hello? Earth to Jer-Bear, do you copy?” As if to emphasize his point the small dog jumped from Michael’s hands and started to nuzzle Jeremy’s shin. This snapped Jeremy out of his trance and he looked down at Zelda.
“Jeremy, you can pick her up, she won’t bite.”
“I really don’t, ehrm, can’t-” Michael picked Zelda up and showed Jeremy how to puppy hold her before depositing Zelda in his arms. Jeremy was frozen until the dog began to lick him excitedly. ‘She really isn’t that bad,’ Jeremy thought with a smile when he felt a warm trail run down his arm. ‘And she just peed on you.’
OK! So we’re starting from the beginning, every Friday between 9pm and 10. Considering that I haven’t like sat down to watch a full episode of the past seasons of TVD in a few years and my memory might not be the greatest I think I will start with my usual disclaimer: I will write my thoughts in real time so if I make a mistake at the beginning of this post, it will be corrected by the end. There will be anti-Damon and anti-Delena sentiments (I’m only mentioning these two because it’s the beginning of the series), I will probably bring up other shows and call attention to misogynoir, racism, anti-blackness etc. Gotta admit, I’m a little excited to start from the beginning, it’s been a really long time. Ready? Let’s go.
1. OK Stefan’s voiceover over the foggy woods is still HELLA campy though. I remember I saw this and was like, Fadi (my friend), are you really making me watch this? YES. She was so fucking insistent.
2. Yeah the foggy night and dark road, it’s very horror movie, very cinematic.
3. Them hitting Damon is reminiscent of “I Know What You Did Last Summer.” They even gave Damon a growling noise when he feeds.
4. Listening to the score for season 1, really emphasizes how much they misused the cues in season 8. The scary cue works here because people are running, getting snatched up on a dark foggy night, it isn’t just walking through the Salvatore house.
5. Jenna is legit a mess, like, right away, Elena is like drinking coffee and really chill, like do you not have a presentation today? Go.
6. Damon sending the crow to hit Bonnie’s car is like … Literally from the minute he’s introduced, he’s terrorizing her.
7. Also Kat is a stronger actress than Nina, even the way Bonnie says, “And I was like put this woman in a HOME already”, she has more presence than Nina.
8. “She looks a hot … can I say tranny mess?” “No that’s over.” And totally inappropriate. I completely missed that before.
9. LOL Elena’s “No comment, I’m not going to say anything” when Caroline walks away is delivered really well, yo you two secretly hate each other and that should’ve been explored more.
10. Stefan’s jeans actually look a little ridiculous in the pilot, though. Like they don’t look like they fit well. When Bonnie and Elena sees him in the office.
11. Jeremy is legit like a drug dealer though. That’s kind of a big deal.
12. “You need to chill yourself” …. … … Did KW and JP like consult any teens when they wrote this script?
13. And her fight with Jeremy is actually pretty muted. I’m an only child but my closest friends are older siblings and they’ve told me of times when their younger siblings were fucking up and they would like literally BE there all the time, they would walk them to class, sit with them at lunch, be like, so where are we going today? Elena threatens to do that but never really follows through and it always bothered me that no one held an intervention for Jeremy or set up a meeting with a counsellor.
14. It is still the cutest thing ever when Stefan catches Elena staring at him in class.
15. I do like that in season 1 they dress like they’re teenagers though.
16. “Shoo, that’s what I thought.” Yeah, Elena, stand up to that bird.
17. No, seriously, from a purely objective point of view I can see why the cemetery scene would be the scene that made KW and Bob Levi and JP go ecstatic because when the scene begins Nina seems a little nervous, which I get, it’s the pilot, but when the scene goes on and the dialogue keeps going, she and Paul just have that energy, the way she smiles, the way they stare at each other, there’s legit chemistry there.
18. Yeah, those jeans need to go. And Paul I love you, but your pilot haircut is nooooooooot working.
19. Like you look like a hedgehog, honey.
The diary entries actually make this REALLY angsty.
20. LOL Vicki is actually pretty mean to Jeremy though. “I don’t want to announce to the world that I deflowered Elena’s kid brother” and Jeremy has these puppy dog eyes when he says, “And deflowered and deflowered” and it’s like awwwwwwww, you’re way too young for this.
21. “I’m meeting Bonnie at The Grill”, it’s not even Bonnie and Caroline though.
22. These Stelena stares are KILLING me. It’s different seeing it within the episode than clips.
23. The way Matt says, “I feel weird calling her … She broke up with me” all of them are so YOUNG and have these really innocent faces and it just makes everything seem so MEAN.
24. “Any siblings” “None that I talk to” so when Elena tells Damon in the next episode, “Stefan never mentioned he had a brother” I mean he didn’t say that he didn’t either, he admits to having siblings. I feel like I’m going to keep a tally of all the times the show forgets its own script to propel DE.
25. Yoooooooooooo I didn’t remember we get a shot of Stefan topless in the pilot when he’s putting on his shirt. *sigh* so gratuitous. I love it.
26. Those jeans are terrible though.
27. OK but really, WHO IS ZACH AGAIN? He says “Uncle Stefan” so like how does that work?
28. Stefan being blamed for Damon’s shit from DAY ONE.
29. Paul’s intense gaze is damn.
30. I also like how in history class they never discuss enslavement. Mmkay.
31. “You’re upset about something.” “No it’s just Bonnie, she’s … You know what, never mind. You’re here.” And from Day One Bonnie’s issues are ignored.
32. Paul and Nina look really good walking next to each other.
33. Tyler legitimately treats Vicki like shit.
34. “Jeremy. Is that you?” Yes, Vicki, Jeremy can create fog now.
35. Also Damon is so fucking extra with that fog. It’s unnecessary.
36. “I just want to let you know that I still believe in us and I’m not giving up on you” oh Matty, it was never you. Don’t worry though, you get a bench.
37. So Vicki is on the ground with blood on her neck and Jeremy is like “It’s Vicki” and Elena is like “oh my God” and NO ONE is taking out their phones to call 9-11.They just stand there until she opens her eyes. I mean, I guess.
38. Ian’s hair is RIDICULOUS.
39. I don’t understand how Damon got such a following, I find him thoroughly uncharming. Like he just talks SO MUCH.
40. “Damon, after all this time, after all these years can’t we just give it a rest??” “I promised you an eternity of misery.” How fucking petty ARE you Damon?
41. Ian isn’t menacing.
42. “How come the guys I want never go for me?” “I’m not touching that.” Bonnie is hilarious though. Like oh hell no, do not drag me into your messy shit.
43. Vicki and her black nail polish. So high school.
44. Matt’s eyes are actually really blue in the pilot.
45. I am so fucking glad the diary voiceovers disappear eventually. It’s just, it’s too much.
46. And Stefan and Elena overlap. Omg. No.
47. Damon looks creepy as fuck staring at Caroline.
48. I won’t lie though, Stefan constantly coming to Elena’s house, if it were me I’d be like sooooo are you just going to keep showing up? Like she isn’t a little bit weirded out that this guy keeps just showing up at her house?
49. And she can just invite boys into her house at how late at night?
OK so my review is over! I’m definitely excited to be doing these every Friday. It’s funny though because pilots are meant to establish what the show is going to be about and what’s centered in the pilot is Stefan and Elena and their desire to get through their respective dark times. The supernatural element is secondary. It’s first and foremost an SE story. Until next week!
*NOTE* To avoid confusion: I’m not saying what Stefan did is comparable to Damon, Damon was terrorizing Elena for kicks, I’m just saying that Stefan comes across as intense in the pilot and I would be like dude you are at my house a lot but it makes sense because Stefan isn’t acting completely human because he isn’t one, throughout the episode he’s trying to train himself to be more human.