jensen ackles appreciation

4x10 "Heaven and Hell"

"They sliced and carved and tore me in ways that you… Until there was nothing left. And then suddenly, I would be whole again, like magic. Just so they could start in all over. And Alastair, at the end of every day, every one, he would come over and he would make me an offer to take me off the rack if I put souls on. If I started the torture. And every day I told him to stick it where the sun shines. For thirty years I told him. But then I couldn’t do it anymore, Sammy. I couldn’t. Then I got off that rack, God help me I got right off it, and I started ripping them apart. I lost count of how many souls. The things that I did to them."

I know there have been a LOT of very emotional scenes over the seasons, but somehow this one here will most probably always remain one of those that hurt the most. The fact that Dean is so open with Sam here, shares what happened to him and what he did… It’s a massive sign of trust, because you can see - no, feel - how devastated and ashamed Dean feels about what he did, what he became, no matter how much he had endured up until that point. And all of that, all those little nuances, all the devastation, desperation, hurt, shame, guilt and fear… How Jensen delivers all this will never not send shivers down my spine or not give me a lump in my throat. ;___;