If Jensen Ackles was the root of all your troubles, it only seemed logical that he would also hold the key to their solution.
When Jared walked out, he left a mess behind. A wet-eyed, sobbing, shaking mess that lay on the hardwood floor, staring blankly at a gum wrapper that was loitering underneath the sofa, kicked there by a passing shoe and forgotten.
The floor was cold but it felt good under your cheek. As crying fits went, this was a good one. A puddle of tears soaked the floor as everything drained from you. The guilt of your betrayal ran down your face in hot streams that flowed like a river, winding their way through the grains in the maple. When that well had dried, your thoughts turned to fear of losing Jared. What would he do when he returned? What if he didn’t come back at all? What would you do if he left you? So many questions met with the worst possible scenarios filtered through your mind. You had nothing if you didn’t have Jared. If he was gone, so were all of your reasons.
He was gone for too long and you feared another night like the last: unanswered calls and dreamless, fitful sleep. You thought about leaving; packing up and hailing a cab to the airport, but no. There was only one way to mend this and all answers lay with Jensen. You had to talk to him, to get him to understand, so that you could push him, finally, away.
By now, most of you have seen the photo that Misha posted on Twitter of himself and J2 holding a pride flag from PhoenixCon. The flag was from this photo op @bookkbaby and I did as tribute to the Orlando shooting on June 12th, 2016.
On the flag, are the names of all the victims whose lives were taken that night. This was the op we went there to do. The version Misha posted was his idea and he requested to do a second shot to take it.
In this photo, Booky is holding the trans flag, Misha is holding the asexual flag, Jared is holding the pansexual flag, and Jensen is holding the bisexual flag.
Excuse all the watermarks, but after seeing Misha’s version get photoshopped, cropped, edited, and reposted to suit people’s agendas, I wanted to take caution.
This was kinda what got me, was… So, signing autographs—and some of you guys were probably a part of the situation—I don’t know if you remember when Misha walked up with her (points to fan who volunteers with the crisis line) and said, “Hey, she’s one of the counselors that is part of what we set up.” I hadn’t actually… that hadn’t been personified for me yet. So I spoke to you for a brief second, and it was something like… was it fifty hours? Right? Could you stand up?
Fifty hours you’d spent on the phone. And she walked away, and… that hit me. That that was fifty hours…
It’s hitting me now. Shit.
That something that was spawned out of this (gestures to crowd), and out of this (gestures between himself and Misha)… could help people to that degree, to where there was a verified person to counsel somebody, or people, for that amount of time, and she was one of them. And I know that there’s many of them. It hit me hard.
And I get to look at you, and I get to see you guys, and I know you all have a story, and I wish I could hear and talk to every one of you at length. I don’t have that opportunity, but knowing that something that I was a part of helped create that… that betters people, and inspires people to be a better person… Because—and Jared shared this with me—he’s like, “No one can help you but yourself. You are the only person that can help yourself. But if you get inspired by something, if something touches you and inspires you and makes you believe something that then helps you help yourself, then that’s important.” And she’s doing important things. And the fact that I was a small molecule of a being that helped many people…
I don’t know. It hit me really, really hard. And I had to take a… I had to take a breather. I had to take a knee. And so I went upstairs to Daniela’s room—she was like, “You need to come upstairs,” and I’m like (crying voice) “Yeah, I think I do.”
(laughter, cheers, applause)
All right, all right…
I remember walking up to her room… I didn’t make it. So I held out for maybe like 70 more autographs. I was like, (mimics signing fast while holding back emotions) “Mmmph… thank you. Mmmph, thank you. Mmmphhhh, thank you. Ffffffffff aaahhhhh—“
He was very flatulent during that time.
Yes. That was just the gas.
Then we were walking, and I was like, “Nope, nope, you’re not gonna make it to the elevator.” And I just sat there, and Jared just, like, grabbed me and hugged me… It was like, one of those moments where it’s like… This shouldn’t exist. Like, from a point of view that is, like, a television show, actor/fan relationship, this probably shouldn’t exist. It exists, guys. We feel you. And you mean a shit ton to us. You really do.