jennifer-wilson

8

‘Juno’, Jason Reitman (2007)

Look, in my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person is still going to think the sun shines out your ass. That’s the kind of person that’s worth sticking with.

I believed the lies that the darkness spoke, and I tried to take my life.

Some days it is still a struggle. Some days the love is dim and seems far away. Some days I grow discouraged and feel defeated. Some days I still want to leave this world (and all its tribulations) behind. But I keep putting one foot in front of the other, and I hold onto hope. I talk to those around me. I get a good night’s sleep. A new day dawns. I feel better.

I didn’t have to die for the pain to stop.

You don’t have to either.

—  Jennifer Wilson, “I Didn’t Want to Die

At the psychiatric hospital, I was surrounded by people whose experiences were much like mine. I heard familiar stories. I learned new ways to cope. I realized that I had options. Most importantly, however, I saw that I was not alone.

I got help.

I got a proper diagnosis and was put on medication that worked like a shaft of light into my weary, befuddled brain. This did not happen overnight. It took some time to find the right dosages and the correct prescriptions, but I persevered. I held onto hope that the right antidote to the darkness could be found.

I didn’t want to die.

I only wanted the pain to stop.

And it did.

Slowly but surely, with therapy and time, it did.

I am here today to plead with you: Don’t give up.

—  Jennifer Wilson, “I Didn’t Want to Die

I drank the sludgy charcoal grit from a paper cup as I lay on the gurney and wept.

I didn’t want to die.

I only wanted the pain to stop.

The darkness was so thick. I could not see my children. I could not see the life I had made with the man I had chosen twenty-five years earlier. I could not see my family, the siblings who knew me from birth, the parents who held me since before I could remember. I could not see my friends, who would have willingly grieved with me and encouraged me if only I had let them.

I could not see the love.

There was love all around me, but it was pushed away by the darkness, forcefully evicted from my consciousness by the suffocating black.

—  Jennifer Wilson, “I Didn’t Want to Die

distressing-damsel  asked:

I think Mary's baby is going to be still-born in S4. Just like the real Mary Morsten was still-born on October 1972, five years before A.G.R.A took her name (according to Sherlock about 50min into HLV). I can't prove this theory, but any thoughts? :)

Hi Bittersweet!

It’s a highly plausible theory, absolutely! Aside from the mention Sherlock makes, there’s also the foreshadowing as early as ASiP:

LESTRADE: Well, I doubt it, since she’s been dead for fourteen years. Technically she was never alive. Rachel was Jennifer Wilson’s stillborn daughter, fourteen years ago.

Jennifer Wilson has often been paralleled with John in regards to the phone/heart metaphor, and I think we can associate it also with HLV as well. 

  • Jennifer Wilson had a stillborn daughter. 
  • John Watson is having a daughter.

Both JW’s have a daughter, and one of them was stillborn; this theory is not a new one. Since we can associate Jennifer with John, I think it’s also okay to speculate on whether or not if this is foreshadowing future events.

I personally think this is more proof than the “Mary Morstan was stillborn” point, since JW is a parent of the daughter and not the daughter herself. So, what can we assume?

  • The Watson child will be stillborn; or
  • Mary will inevitably die (I’ve seen assumptions that it will be because she gives birth to a stillborn child, which is fine, but I personally believe it’s just that she will simply die).

 Whatever the theory is, I honestly don’t think there will be a baby-to-stay, nor do I think that the baby is John’s. Honestly? I think the baby is fake the longer I sit on it (the AGRA treasure box was empty, and “box” is a crude euphemism for a woman’s genitals; plus I recently watched a show about a woman’s entire faked pregnancy, so that really enlightened me), because a baby would change the entire genre and dynamic of the show: we’re supposed to get a darker season 4, and I think a fake pregnancy is the least soap-opera-ish approach the writers can do. It proves Mary is unrepentantly deceptive AND that she only lied to keep John around (if you’re new to my blog, you’ll quickly learn that I 100% believe Mary’s narrative arc is leading her to be an irredeemable villain)

Whatever the outcome, I honestly don’t want a child on this show, and I am feeling pretty confident we won’t have one. Stillborn is a high probablility, but I don’t think that this will be the solution.