“kylie jenner buys mansion at age 17″ doesn’t impress me for a lot of reasons. if you wanna impress me, talk about how 16 year old amandla stenberg speaks like a race scholar or how 18 year old zendaya is becoming a fashion icon
I'm not gonna lie, the interview/video/photoshoot yesterday took a LOT out of me.
I am actually hoping they decide not to use any of it. At least some of the interview questions had substance, but there was a lot of problematic language (when did you realize you were born in the wrong body?) And they hit every single shallow fake manufactured trans story trope. They very specifically wanted video of me putting on makeup in the mirror, getting my nails done, shopping, playing dress-up in my bedroom (with at least three outfits! Yay!), and “looking innocent and demure”. It’s a fucking checklist for awful fake representation. I’m not a teenager transitioning in Beverly Hills. I’m not Caitlin Jenner in a Hollywood mansion. I’m an unemployed blue-collar combat veteran living in a fucking basement. My clothes are hanging on iron pipes I suspended from the floor joists, not in a walk-in closet. I don’t have local long-time cisnormative friends for them to interview about my struggles–my friends have many of the same struggles I do. Paying more than I can afford to get my nails done by a Korean woman who is probably basically enslaved is not something I ever do, or really feel comfortable with. Even my nice clothes have burn holes in them and oil stains and I’ve walked through the soles of my boots. The tattoos and scars they wanted me to hide are a historical record written in my skin.
I feel sick to my stomach for indulging this fantasy and setting trans media representation back. I wish I hadn’t let them pay for my second ever manicure. I should have cancelled the whole fucking thing the moment I saw the shots they wanted. I tried to be subversive with what they did get, but I think anything of substance will be on the cutting room floor and be replaced with meaningless empty fluff that portrays me and other trans women as men playing dress-up.
I will not trust corporate media to tell my story. There will be no ghost-writer for my memoir. It will be my fucking words or none. I’m really gods damned frustrated and depressed right now, and I feel like a fool for expecting anything better.