1. Don’t feed your gerbils a pencil because they will die.
2. You should always keep things that you might not think are special now, but you will think are special someday.
3. Always have as many animals as you can.
4. A rock tumbler is exclusively for rocks only.
5. Say yes to things sometimes, even when you don’t feel like it.
6. Be the last person to go to bed when you’re hanging out with your friends on the weekend.
7. Don’t ever mix lots of types of spray tan together.
8. You don’t ever have to take your life seriously, but you should always take your education seriously, and your continued life education seriously.
9. Just because someone dares you to do something, doesn’t mean you should actually do it.
10. Don’t ever get too wrapped up in the present moment and your present troubles.
11. You can avoid many embarrassing adult moments by learning how to use chopsticks at an early age.
12. If you ever find an abandoned shopping cart, keep it (especially if you live in a city).
13. Always be as prepared as possible.
14. Don’t ever put gack or gum in your hair (it won’t come out, you’ll have to cut it off).
15. Don’t ever directly inhale a bunch of incense.
16. If you find something that looks like a lighter in a room that you’re staying in, don’t try and click the little thingy to turn it on; it’s pepper spray. And once you spray yourself in the face with it to keep embarrassing you after the fact, while you’re coughing and spitting, they’re going to have to evacuate the whole floor because everyone else is coughing and spitting too so just keep it in the drawer and just don’t touch it.
17. Don’t ever eat a pound of celery in one sitting.
18. Robert Redford is not a President-turned-actor.
19. Don’t trust cats or ferrets.
20. It’s probably not the safest thing to let your kids play with power tools.
21. Craigslist is actually the best place to find roommates and friends for life (it’s the friend of a friend of a friend on Facebook that you have to be worried about).
22. Always find the humor in everything.
23. Don’t ever put up with people’s bullshit. Ever. Not even a little bit.
24. Acrylic toenails are gross.
25. No matter how dope you think they are, don’t ever wear loose shoes on a roller coaster. They will go flying off into another dimension.
26. Don’t ever let someone else convince you that what you like to spend your time doing is a waste.
27. Don’t ever have a pet (or even a baby) if you don’t like being scratched. It’s just gonna happen.
28. Always talk to everyone.
29. If you always put out positive energy into the universe, you will get it back. If you just wake up in the morning, and you think about how grateful you are to have clean water to drink and food to eat, the rest of the day is fucking easy, man. Just small stuff that you take for granted, the fact that maybe you’re healthy or that you have a family that loves you. Focus on the things that you have, and not the things that you don’t have, and always be kind to other people, and you will always get it back. You can get anywhere that you want in life without fucking other people over and without being a jerk. You don’t have to climb a ladder, you don’t have to compete with people, you can just do the best that you can and that is good enough.
Thanks to jennamarbles for lending the world her knowledge. <3