jenn damn

Roommate's girlfriend is at our house ALL the time...

Jenn is at our house non-stop. They’ve been dating for 6 months and in the past 3 months, she is probably at our house 6.5 days of the week.

She’s materialistic, lazy and generally unhelpful. She brings her dog over when no one in the house has a pet and lets it have free reign over whatever the fuck it wants without discipline. She expects to be treated like a guest and doesnt help out with any house maintenance or chores, even though she spends more time at our house than I do. Its annoying as hell. The one good quality she does have is she likes to be clean. So naturally our shared bathroom is overflowing with her nice and expensive beauty products.

So, to get my jollies every morning, I use all of them. In EXTREME excess. Shampoo for brunettes that will shine and brighten my curls that i dont have? Fuck it, ill take 5x the amount needed. Peach exfoliating body wash with microbeads that makes me smell like a princess? POUR IT ALL OVER MY BODY. Super fancy loofa with a cushy handle? cover it in more body wash and polish my hardy boys. Coconut conditioner that will give me all-day, long lasting volume? Just squeeeeeeeze the bottle right onto the top of my head. I end up walking out of the bathroom shining like a sunset and smelling like a god damned unicorn.

Hey Jenn, you useless piece of crap, we’re running low on body wash…

Petty Revenge: Your daily dose of the best petty revenge stories. | source

Happily Ever After

Julia loved Sundays. It was the one day out of her busy week when she could actually do nothing and if Jenn was in town, it was the one day they’d be able to be with each other. She lived for Sundays. The laptops stayed shut and the phones for the most part stayed nearby not glued to their hands. It was still early too. They’d gone to a party in LA the night before so she’d left her sleeping wife upstairs while she made herself some coffee and tried to remember how to make one of Jenn’s shakes for her. She had all the fruit they had on the counter as well as the almond milk and some ice. She felt like she was forgetting something. She whirled around, still in her pajama shorts and a tank top, as she tried to remember what else Jenn put in those damn shakes. 

“Fuck,” she whispered to herself even though she wouldn’t wake Jenn up from the kitchen. She gave up and decided to make her a nice fruit salad instead. She started chopping up the fruit, her mind lost in the previous night. She smiled as she thought about how tipsy Jenn got. She was being adorable and Julia couldn’t stand it so they’d ended up making out in a dark corner of the party… well Julia got to second base but she didn’t think anyone saw.

Footsteps caused her to look up as she saw her gorgeous wife. “Hey, you’re supposed to be sleeping,” she greeted with a grin before she went back to chopping up the fruit.










youtubers or troye fangirls?

Gimple says fans being upset is a “bummer.”  Yes, it’s a bummer that I couldn’t sleep Sunday night.  It’s a bummer that I’ve barely eaten in two days.  It’s a bummer that after the episode, there was signal boost for a suicide hotline.  It’s a bummer that I’ve seen posts about people with eating disorders and addiction problems relapsing after Beth’s death.  Have some god damn sensitivity.

GOD DAMMIT I HAVE GLITTER ON MY CROTCH

DAMN YOU ALAN AND JENN! I GOT YOUR DAMN CHRISTMAS CARD AND NOW I HAVE GLITTER ON MY CROTCH AND MY FLOOR AND MY HANDS AND MY SOUL. I’M ON THE PHONE RIGHT NOW WITH MY INSURANCE COMPANY MAKING A GLITTER DAMAGE CLAIM. I’M FUCKING UNFOLLOWING YOU, YOU RAT BASTARD KIMBERS. 

Change- Sam Wilkinson Imagine- Chapter 1

 

Previous post (introduction) here

“Ok, sweetie this are my friends” Jenn said introducing a couple of guys sitting in a round table eating lunch.

I was holding my tray firmly keeping it from falling since my hands were trembling so badly. I had always been nervous about meeting new people, I was so scared about rejection, which had always been one of my principal weaknesses or defects in some points. And it was worse when it came to boys.

“You might be wondering why are they so many boys and no girls? Well, my bad” she said laughing while she dropped her purse on the bench of the circular table. “Not all the girls around here like me, they say I’m kind of annoying, who knows,” she added letting out a sigh.

“They are sort of right, you know?” a blonde and thin guy said showing his crooked smile.

“Shut up Johnson” Jenn reply “Not in the mood actually”

He completely ignored her and glance at me “I’m Jack but you can call me Johnson or whatever” “Oh, hi, I’m Y/n” I said quietly but smiling.

“Jack Gilisnky” a really tall boy of slightly dark skin said grinning. I nodded smiling. It was awkward they were both called Jack, but I didn’t pay a lot of attention to that.

“Last but not least, Scott” a boy with dark hair and a really cute smile said.

 I smiled to all of them feeling a little relieved.

“Nice to meet you guys.” I said shyly.

We all sat down on the table and started eating lunch. The boys started to talk about sports and a sick party, a guy named Ryder was throwing. Jenn provided some comments, which I thought were very accurate and clever to say. I really wished I could be like her, spontaneous and funny. I just sat there swallowing mashed potatoes in silence but listening carefully to their very fascinating conversation.

“Hey Jenn, have you seen Sam around? He said he was eating with us”

 “Nope” she said taking a fry to her mouth.

 Then, everything turned silent so I decided to finally talk. “Who’s Sam?” I asked looking at no one in particular.

“Oh, another one of us, you will totally like him, he is cool” Jack Johnson said. I smiled.

“So… where’s he?”

“Don’t know” Scott answered chewing his food. “He should be here by now though”.

Just like that, a medium height boy came running towards us. His hair was messy as well as his shirt and hoodie and he had bags under his red eyes. He was cute though, like really cute. He had brown hair, hazel eyes with long eyelashes and a beautiful smile. I froze and admired him, even though I tried not to look too much at him. “I’m so sorry guys, I haven’t slept shit last night and I just fall asleep this morning.” He said sitting down but still not noticing I was sitting there.

“It’s fine bro” Gilinsky said “Though night?”. “Yeah, mom and dad kept arguing about Allie and what to do with her, it’s really stressful, you know?” he said letting out a sigh.

“Yeah, we know. Sorry to hear it man” Jack J said.

“Whatever, I don’t want to talk about that. So, what’s up?” he said taking a fry from Jenn.

 “Well, you obviously didn’t notice, but we made a new friend” Jenn said pointing at me. I smiled.

“I’m Y/n” I said waving.

He looked at me for several seconds, which were quite eternal by the way, and finally curved his mouth forming a warm smile.

“Hey, I’m Sam” he said. I smiled again and I could feel myself blushing. Damn it. Jenn leaned closer and whispered in my ear “Cute, right? And single” she laughed and I only smiled shyly and embarrassed. If she had noticed, I bet the boys had to, including Sam. Anyways, the talk flowed normally and jumped from one topic to another and I was proud to say that I was able to provide some clever comments. I couldn’t stop but noticing that Sam was looking at me once in a while. I looked once at him, and he looked down and laughed. I guess the guys noticed because they glanced at Sam while Jenn kept talking about the new attraction park in the city.

“What are you watching Sam?” “Lost something dude?”

I could feel myself getting redder and redder.

“Hey, Y/n why are you blushing? Is that ass making you blush? Gosh I think I’m going to puke.” Jenn said gesturing a vomiting face. I got redder. Sam looked at me and laughed cutely, which made me want to hug him tightly. He was so adorable and pretty. I was having a panic attack right now. I smiled and glanced at Sam and I could swear he was blushing, at least a little.

 “Hey it’s enough guys.” Sam said. “If we are going to talk about this, let’s talk about Jenn and Scott. What’s going on between you two, love birds?” he said and everyone bursted out laughing. I didn’t quite understood what was going on but I laughed as well. Jenn blushed and so did Scott. I looked at her raising my eyebrows and she said, “tell you later”

The bell rang repeatedly and everybody got up and hurried to class. Problem. I didn’t know where to go. I turned around searching for Jenn’s help but she was gone. Then, I had to do it. “Hey, guys… um, does any of you would like to show me where the art class is? I’m kind of lost.”

Before any of the guys could open their mouths to answer, Sam said, “Heading there actually… I’ll show you” “Um, thanks” I said forming a shy smile.

He started walking and I followed him, not before looking at the guys who were smirking and winking at me. I flushed and they laughed harder. So, I was walking besides this cute guy while tons of other people kept pushing to make their way through. We turned a corridor which was the opposite of the one we where just walking by. “Faster this way” he whispered. I nodded.

“So, where are you from?” he asked looking at me. “Um, Indiana” I said holding my bag.

“Do you always use the word ‘um’ before sentences?” he said laughing.

“Sorry, I just…” I said looking down when he cut me off. “Actually is kind of cute” I smiled and then he did too.

 We reached the classroom of the art class, which was located at the far end of the east side of the building. I walked under Sam’s arm as he held the door open for me. The class was messy, there were papers and fabrics everywhere, the ceiling and the walls were randomly splashed with paint stains and the desks were full of graffiti and doodling. It was cool though; I liked it. The teacher wasn’t there yet, so there were a bunch of boys messing around with paint and brushes. I just stood there in the entrance waiting for some signal.

“Hey Y/n, over here!” Sam shouted from the last desk of the right row. “What are you waiting for? Come and sit!” my heart flipped, he was actually asking me to sit next to him. I knew he was doing it because I was new and we sort of had friends in common, but I couldn’t help thinking he liked me, at least a little, because I liked him, even with his messy hair and the bags under his eyes. He was damn beautiful, and he was actually talking to me. I sat down and crossed my legs and start tapping the surface of the desk with my nails. Sam was talking with a guy who was messing around in the far end of the class.

“Sorry for that” he exclaimed. “No problem” I smiled.

And that’s when I heard familiar voices; I turned my head and was surprised to see Jack and Jack entering the class. They saw us and chuckled, I could see Sam shaking his head while a wide smile was draw on his face. They sat in the desk in front of us and turned around looking at us.

“I thought you weren’t coming to this class.” I said trying to get something useful. “Well yeah we were going to offer to escort you here” Johnson said,

“But someone, who seems to be very eager got ahead of us” Gilinsky ended.

“How cute, ending each other sentences” Sam said teasingly. I laughed and he looked at me and laughed too. I got what I wanted, I didn’t know how was going to help me exactly but it was comforting to know he was ‘eager’, as Jack said, to come with me to class. And I knew for sure it wasn’t a joke because of the way he smiled, it had to be true, he had to like me at least a little.  I knew it was stupid to think that, he barely knew me but I had always loved to daydream.

The class continued normally I guess, but I couldn’t help myself from looking at him, I tried to be discreet but I’m not that sure it worked. He half smiled, still looking at the front when I looked at him and I turned away. I did discover some stuff. Like the way his eyebrows frown when he is trying to concentrate, or the way he scratches his neck when he is nervous. The class ended, and I headed to the next class I had, without looking back. I didn’t know why I did it, but I strongly regretted it once I was outside.

——

anonymous asked:

"John," Sherlock says seriously, "we need to make out for science, right now." "What?" John says shocked. "FOR SCIENCE JOHN!" Sherlock says and grabs the army doctor by the collar and plants one on him. John is so shocked that his mouth is open and Sherlock takes the opportunity to let his tongue join the make out party. "Was that really for science?" John asks when Sherlock finally let's him breathe again. "No," Sherlock says guiltily. "Good," John grins and plants one on Sherlock.

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS \o/ ~♥

the best part of that scene is the moment jemma simmons realizes ‘dear god this man is going to father my children someday lord help me’ and skye is like 'good luck with that brah’ and ward is like 'ffs this is why i’m the one getting laid and not you brother’ and philinda are like 'these are our kids when did this become our life shit’

DELETED SCENES with introduction by Directors Chris Buck and Jennifer Lee:
- Never Underestimate The Power Of Elsa
- The Dressing Room
- Meet Kristoff #1
- Meet Kristoff #2

no swordfight scene

DAMN YOU, JENN.