jelly harry

Lets take a moment to talk about Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans. 

Lets talk about these marvelous beauties and discuss/describe their flavours.

Banana: does what it says on the tin. Tastes like banana, an actual banana. Good job all. 

Black Pepper: tastes like pepper. Spicy, makes you wanna drink some milk. do not eat 2 at a time.

Blueberry: tastes like a real blueberry. Impressive. 

Booger: sorta tastes like dirt, really. 

Candyfloss: yum! Sugary!

Cherry: very cherry

Cinnamon: hot hot hot! Smells like halloween!

Dirt: tastes like dirt i mean what else is there to say?

Earthworm: tastes kind of meaty.

Earwax: not too bad actually. can’t really describe it.

Grass: you ever bit a flower? Tastes like that.

Green Apple: yeah, it does. It does taste like a granny smith. 

Marshmallow: tastes like the inside of a s'more

Rotten Egg: yes dear god it does. Oh jesus. please avoid this do not eat

Sausage: perfect for breakfast (please children do not eat BBEFB for breakfast)

Lemon: more rind than pulp, but still good

Soap: actually makes me want to eat powdered laundry detergent. Deceptively tasty. 

Tutti-Fruttie: tutti fucking fruity fresh and delicious

Watermelon: Yes

and finally, Vomit.

Mother. Fucking. Vomit. 

This is so real and accurate it makes me ANGRY. 

Do not bite into that shit. Don’t okay do not put that fucking thing in your mouth alright you will actually puke. 

That shit tastes real. 

And it might try to disguise itself as banana so look real fucking careful for the red flakes okay?

It ain’t a fucking joke that bean will fuck you right in the face. 

It tastes and smells like puke and it makes your breath smell like puke and the only bean that counteracts it at all is pepper. 

DO NOT EAT THE VOMIT FLAVOURED ONES. DO NOT GIVE THEM TO YOUR FRIENDS THAT IS A DICK MOVE. 

THESE THINGS ARE EVIL. PURE EVIL. 

THESE ARE A PUNISHMENT FROM JK ROWLING FOR BEING GREEDY LITTLE SHITS AND DEMANDING MORE HARRY POTTER MERCHANDISE.

RIGHT NOW MY BREATH SMELLS LIKE PEPPERED VOMIT BECAUSE I ATE ONE BLIND.

DONT DO IT. 

currently writing

Thank you @floralrry for tagging me, babes ~<3 I HAVE SO MANY FUCKING WIPS YA’LL

1. for @bgayb a shameless, promiscuous, size queen omega Harry- k. its literal title in my docs is “The Kinkfest”. It features- idk what harry does yet actually omg, maybe he’s like… a journalist idfk yet, louis as a successful solo artist alpha with a massive cock, niall and liam as alphas who are v attracted to flirty harry but know they could never handle him, harry flirting with everybody, harry having an entire ring of tests his chosen mate MUST pass, and a harry that’s always wet bc overactive lubrication glands

2. for @fluffyau a wonderful enemies to lovers, highschool au… ABO- yeah ok i really love love love omega harry sue me???? it has lots of grumpy baby jelly harry which is honestly canon and heat locker room sex oops

3. i signed up for the hl mpreg fic exchange- i cannot really reveal tooooo much about this but there’s angst and i’m a bit nervous because i rarely do angst and i wanna do it right, but you’ll get fluffy af preggy harry honey bunnies

4. sub harry fic fest fic (that i couldn’t do due to hospitalization)- basically, harry’s a 19 yo popstar who ends up at a bdsm club on a wild night and dom louis intrigues and arouses the fuck outta him, featuring baby angst, closeting, secret little rendezvous, and so much fucking porn

5. kitty!Harry heat and mpreg- to accompany and sequel what’s new pussycat? is harry going into heat and getting preggy and giving birth

6. mental health and possible inpatient au- harry’s got like all of my problems and louis is bipolar. not really v fleshed out, just… might be nice to write something i have a perspective to offer on!


ANNNND


little bits I haven’t fleshed out at all: a canon compliant abo au, vampire harry and werewolf louis, any werewolf fic tbh, mermaid harry, and harry potter/magic au

tagging anybody who wants in

Based off of this AU from a post I reblogged:

•You found me crying on the kitchen floor in the middle of the night surrounded by a shattered jelly jar AU

Harry awoke suddenly to the sound of glass hitting tile and a loud gasp coming from the kitchen. At first, he thought it was part of a dream he may have been having until he rolled over and noticed that Ginny was no longer lying beside him. Confused, he listened until he heard quiet crying that was definitely coming from the kitchen. Sighing, Harry got up and made his way to the kitchen to see if Ginny was there. He let his eyes adjust and looked around for where his wife may be. When he couldn’t see her, he stood there more confused than ever until he heard more crying coming from the other side of the table. Harry made his way slowly to the other side where he saw Ginny on the floor, a shattered jelly jar next to her, tears in her eyes and her knees as close to her chest as her swollen belly would let them. 

Sighing, Harry sat down as close to Ginny as possible without sitting on the glass. “What’s wrong, Ginny? Why are you up?”

Ginny sniffed again before answering. “I was hungry, you were asleep, and I thought toast was a good idea. But when I took the jar out of the cabinet it fell out of my hand and shattered on the floor and now I’m really upset and I don’t know why.”

Keep reading

Use your eyes

We can SEE the skin of his stomach. YOU MEAN TO TELL ME…THAT THIS IS WHAT IM SUPPOSED TO ACCEPT? 

i’m sorry….but even if his legs were in the correct position, we wouldn’t see his stomach like that. He’d be at a severe diagonal angle. but he’s mostly horizontal. So where in the fuck are those legs coming from. From the knees down towards the body, its going at a downward angle. If the butt went straight up to the head in a diagonal line…sure….BUT HIS STOMACH IS STILL UP AT LOUIS CHEST. WHAT IN THE FUCK ARE YOU LOOKING AT? Make a diagonal line in your head from “Freddies” ear to the outer corner of Louis’ wrist. DO YOU NOT SEE THE STOMACH IN YOUR PERIPHERAL??. ITS ALL WRONG.

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I will be adding more pictures to this later ! But enjoy what I have so far (caption will also be changed once completed) .xxxx

Seventeen as Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans (harry potter jelly beans)

S.coups: grass

Jeonghan: tangerine

Joshua: buttered popcorn

Jun: toothpaste

Hoshi: cotton candy

Wonwoo: dirt

Woozi: tutti-frutti sizzling cinnamon

DK: jalapeño

Mingyu: booger

The8: burnt marshmallow

Seungkwan: cheese

Vernon: soap

Dino: strawberry cheesecake

instagram

Hani eating the Harry Potter Jelly