This Will Only Get You Killed

Fella’s if you have a girlfriend, one of the smartest things you can ever do is to keep note of when she starts her period. That will be the longest and most testing week of your life if you don’t plan accordingly.

  • Don’t act too happy, cause usually she’s pissed the hell off and seeing you smiling will ignite the raging inferno in her. THIS WILL ONLY GET YOU KILLED!
  • Don’t ask how she’s feeling, cause she feels like shit.
  • With all the sincerity in my heart, don’t say dumb guy stuff, or be sarcastic. This is equivalent to pulling a lions tail. I know we have a tendency to like to lighten up the mood with some random shenanigans or one liners…THIS WILL ONLY GET YOU KILLED!
  • “Catch The Mood”…She can go from hormonal to horny faster than Kim Kardashian nuptials, maybe even quicker. 
  • Don’t make “period jokes” or say anything in reference to it. THIS WILL ONLY GET YOU KILLED!

(This concludes my safety into surviving menstruation week..MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU.)

  • In a perfect world, the company you keep would not be a direct reflection of who you are.
  • In that same perfect world, everyone would say what they really feel, and criticism would be taken with a grain of salt or sand or even sugar (whichever you choose).
  • In a perfect world conflict over religions, political parties, personal preference would end in a game of laser tag, wii sports or nutella.
  • This perfect world would tell light skinned blacks, dark skinned blacks and every shade in between to kindly “SHUT THE HELL UP AND ENJOY YOUR BLACKness”.
  • Furthermore in this perfect world, people would have the common sense and high moral standards to govern themselves.
  • Work weeks wouldn’t exist, just the amount of time you get paid to do something you love.
  • Men would leave the toilet seat down.
  • Women would always love themselves for who they are right now.
  • Whatever size you are currently, is the size you’re meant to be, and the pressure to change would be non-existent.
  • Tupac would still be alive.
  • Rap music would still be alive and well.
  • College would be a conscious choice and not a financial burden.
  • Fathers would teach their sons, and immerse their daughters in model manly love.
  • Mother would lead, guide and direct their sons into likely husband candidates.
  • The skies will always open, and shower you when you kiss outdoors.
  • A woman hair would defy the laws of all that is written and maintain its elegance.
  • Both Men & Women would speak from the heart, and in some miraculous way..UNDERSTAND ONE ANOTHER.
  • Shoe stores will always have your size and color in whatever you desire.
  • A new line will always open up for you.

(this is all in a perfect world)…..however not unattainable.