jean chretien

Who should you fight: Canadian Prime Ministers

Sir John A Macdonald: Don’t fight Macdonald. You will lose. He’s Scottish and drunk and probably would throw a whiskey bottle through your head. He would absolutely fight dirty. You don’t build a country without fighting dirty.

Alexander Mackenzie: You could probably take Mackenzie, but he was a builder as a young man, so it wouldn’t be a cakewalk.

John Abbott: The first of the PMs nobody can name. I mean, sure, go for it, but nobody will know who you’re talking about when you win.

John Thompson: He was overweight enough that he died in office from a heart attack. You’d win, feel bad, AND nobody would know who you were talking about.

Mackenzie Bowell: Make a poop joke about his last name. He’d kick your ass, but it would be funny.

Charles Tupper: He may have only been PM for 69 days, but if you made a crack about his neckbeard, he’d probably lose it and beat you in a rage. Not worth it.

Wilfrid Laurier: Fight Laurier. Get him talking about a grand vision for Canada and drop him in the gut. You can win this one.

Robert Borden: You might lose to Borden, but wouldn’t it feel good to sock someone who ran under “A White Canada” in the mouth?

Arthur Meighen: Absolutely fight Meighen. Meighen looks like he has never worked a day with his hands. Tell him he was one of the least effective Prime Ministers and then Winnipeg Strike his ass.

William Mackenzie King: Oh man, this would not go well. Built like a brick wall and he would probably summon up ghosts. He’d tell you it he’d want to fight in English and deny it in French, and he’d just absorb whatever you threw at him.

R. B. Bennett: Remind him he is considered the worst Prime Minister this country has ever seen. He’ll go off and sulk in England and you’ll win by default.

Louis St. Laurent: I mean, I guess you could fight St. Laurent. You’d probably win, but nobody seems to feel strongly about him on pretty much anything, so is it worth it?

John Diefenbaker: Don’t fight Dief. Dief the Chief would go into some wild prairie prophet trance and would keep on hitting you long after you stopped moving. And if you somehow won, you’d then have to deal with all of Saskatchewan seeking revenge. Laugh now, but even if you can see them coming for three days, they will never, ever stop.

Lester B. Pearson: Why would you fight Mike Pearson? What kind of person would see that bowtie and Nobel Peace Prize and want to fight? You’d win and you would feel horrible.

Pierre Trudeau: DO NOT FIGHT TRUDEAU. Pierre isn’t a big man, but he’s all wiry muscle and insouciance. He’d probably have a knife under his rose and he would hit you with a saucy quip as you lay bleeding on the floor.

Joe Clark: What did Joe ever do to you? Go fight Mulroney instead.

John Turner: You could take Turner, he’d have no option.

Brian Mulroney: You think Mulroney would be a fighter, but that chin is made of glass. Everybody in Atlantic Canada would help you, and it would bring the country together.

Kim Campbell: Again, why would you fight Campbell? She wasn’t PM long enough to do anything. Fight Mulroney.

Jean Chretien: DO NOT FIGHT CHRETIEN. DO. NOT. FIGHT. CHRETIEN. When Chretien was a child, he started a new semester by finding the biggest kid in his grade and beating the shit out of him. You’re lucky if all he does is give you the Shawinigan Handshake. He will fight hard, he will fight dirty, and he will destroy you.

Paul Martin: Tell him that his legacy is overshadowed by Chretien. Easy win.

Stephen Harper: You’d think this would be an easy win, but Harper is like 6″2′. If you got the drop on him, you could lay him out, but if you got him mad enough he would probably snap and channel all that rage he’s been holding in into a flailing fury.

Justin Trudeau: He’s young, athletic, and a boxer. In a fair fight he’d go into his yoga trance and beat you. Use dirty tactics. Be careful that he does not seduce you instead.

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Former Canadian Prime Minister Jean Chrétien, now 81, water skiing - on one ski.

“I believe the best ‎contribution Canada can make is by engaging in massive, not token, humanitarian assistance. It is why in answer to the questions asked of me, I support the position of Justin Trudeau,” Mr. Chrétien writes in a column to be published in Friday’s Globe and Mail.
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I’m sure I’ve posted this more than three separate times, but I don’t really care…

www2.macleans.ca
8 unlikely jobs held by future prime ministers

Before they assumed the highest office in the country, these eight individuals held an unusual array of jobs:

1. Robert Borden, teenage classics teacher: Canada’s eighth prime minister studied Greek and Latin from a young age. When he was 14, the classics teacher at his private day school, near his home in Nova Scotia, abruptly left
for another posting and Borden was promoted from student to “assistant master” in charge of classical studies.

2. Jean Chrétien, black market chocolatier: While attending school at St. Joseph Seminary in Trois-Rivières, Que., Chrétien earned spending money by peddling illicit chocolate bars to fellow pupils. A friend on the outside bought the bars wholesale, and Chrétien sold them at a steep markup, hiding the goods from the authorities in the lining of his red raincoat.

3. Lester B. Pearson, apprentice sausage stuffer: After graduating from the University of Toronto in 1919, Pearson joined Armour and Company, a Chicago-based meat-processing firm. He spent two years with the company, including a stint as an apprentice on the sausage-stuffing floor.

4. John Diefenbaker, door-to-door Bible salesman: In the summer of 1915, after he received
a bachelor of arts from the Univer- sity of Saskatchewan, Diefenbaker and a friend took jobs with the John A. Hertel Co. of Chicago, selling titles like The Chosen Word and Catholic Bible Symbols in the rural Prairies.

5. Alexander Mackenzie, stonemason: The third of 10 sons from a Scottish carpenter’s family, Mackenzie apprenticed as a stonemason at the age of 16. After moving to Canada with the family of his future wife, he carved out a reputation as a foreman and contractor on major canal sites.

6. Mackenzie Bowell, printer’s devil: Initially trained as a cabinet maker, Bowell went to work as a printer’s apprentice at the Belleville Intelligencer newspaper in the mid-1830s.

7. Brian Mulroney, boy singer: As a boy in Baie-Comeau, Que., Mulroney sang Irish songs for Col. Robert McCormick, the American newspaper magnate who founded the town. Legend has it McCor- mick slipped the seven-year-old future PM $50 for his trouble.

8. Kim Campbell, fish packer: To pay for her education at the University of British Columbia, Campbell worked as a packer at a fish plant in Prince Rupert, B.C. According to one biography, she hasn’t eaten halibut since.

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Meanwhile in Canada (well, North Carolina)… Former Prime Minister Jean Chrétien, 79, spotted wakeboarding
“He’s a strong man for his age, I can tell you that,” Mr. Luckett said from a dock in Buxton, N.C.

I know that the days since September 11, 2001, have been ones of great sadness and anxiety for Muslims across Canada. Because the cold-blooded killers who committed the atrocities in New York and Washington invoked the name and words of Islam as justification, many of your faith have felt constrained when expressing your sympathy and solidarity with the victims. This despite the fact that many Muslims also perished in the attacks. Worse, some of you have been singled out for denunciation and violence, acts that have no place in Canada, or any civilized nation, and have made me feel shame as prime minister. I wanted to stand by your side today and to reaffirm with you that Islam has nothing to do with the mass murder that was planned and carried out by the terrorists and their masters. Like all faiths, Islam is about peace, about justice, and about harmony among all people.
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—Jean Chrétien, Prime Minister of Canada 1993-2003, addressing a crowd at a Masjid in Ottawa on Sept. 21, 2001.

“Chrétien opposed the US-led invasion of Iraq, which started exactly 10 years ago to this day, unless the military intervention received UN authorization. It never did.”