To anyone who hasn’t seen the John Dies at the End movie, but hasn’t yet–
Fuckin don’t. Style wise, it was awesome. The bad graphics, sort of shitty acting, and odd screen play would’ve been forgiven if they hadn’t fucked up some key points JUST SO BAD.
((Maybe spoilers? I don’t fuckin know, if you even know about the movie, you’ve probably read the book, so be warned in case you HAVEN’T seen the movie that I don’t give anything away.))
1: Some of the best parts of the book were left out– specifically, the chapter wherein the cross-time messages were made by the insane guy for his lover. That part was heartbreaking, and it wasn’t in the movie. Imma cry.
2: Who the fuck is Bark Lee
3: Okay, so Amy? I don’t think she ever had a prosthetic hand in the movie. And she was like, never outside her house. She didn’t mean Dave at a party, she DID, in fact, have an older brother, and there was– SHOCK OF SHOCKS– an actual connection between her and Dave. She was pretty in the movie, but her acting was less than awesome, and wtf she wasn’t a ginger. >:cccccccccc
4: When they cross dimensions, WHY THE FUCK WAS IT ONLY FUCKING SKINNY ASS GIRLS. IT WAS OLD PEOPLE, WITH NAKED BITS WRINKLY AND FLACCID FLOPPING AT YOU, NOT A BUNCH OF BOUNCY, PERKY GIRL BOOBS. OLD. NAKED. GROSS PEOPLE. WITH HOODS AND SHIT.
5: WHO THE FUCK IS BARK LEE
6: WHY THE FUCK WAS KORROK’S EYE RED
7: THEY EVEN MESSED UP THE ENDING. I WANTED TO SEE THE FOUR TEENAGERS WALK OUT OF THE PORTAL-TO-ANOTHER DIMENSION AND I AM SO DISAPPOINTING.
8: WELL IT’S A GOOD THING MOLLY WASN’T THERE BECAUSE SHE MIGHT HAVE GOTTEN HURT. BUT SERIOUSLY WHO THE FUCK IS BARK LEE AND WHY WASN’T HE EVEN A FUCKING LAB OH MY GOD I JUST SHIT BLOOD FUCK THIS AND FUCK THAT TEN DOLLAR MOVIE.
9. WHO THE FUCK IS BARK LEE
no but i’d see it again. i can’t not give david wong my money.
(( If I’ve fucked up anything or gotten something confused, tell me; I’d rather not look like a jackass with bad continuity if I’m forgetting something. ))