jayziee

My good friend just linked me to something rather astonishing…

Not sure whether this is real or not, but either way, the knowledge of there being a glass toaster has possibly made all the weeks to come. No longer will i shed tears at the expense of burnt, blackened toast that has been sabotaged by my maniacal average piece of shit toaster that cackles at the downfall of my meal, every time.

No.

From here on in, we will dine, we will dine with perfectly toasted toast, browned to a cooked perfection, but not browned to the point one feels they are inhaling ash.

Be happy comrades, the time is nigh.

One of my great friends wanted to give me a cupcake today but I can’t get the cupcake because I’m at home crying and sobbing over trying to finish an essay and my life in general because hormones and the moral of this story is you didn’t finish your essay on time, you don’t get a fucking cupcake. Bye. 

You know, does anybody else just sometimes sit there, think of a particular friend, and you just.  Just. J u s t. And you just want to groom their pretty head of hair and you know it would make them uncomfortable but it doesn’t matter.

Because, f r i e n d. Sh, friend. I won’t let them hurt you, friend. Friend, come to me. I will love you.

Dying with your compadre over an eccentric guy’s bizarre tweets always make a great Sunday. 

“~7 year old just sprayed me with a hose accidentally before staring at me in horror. I smiled for ~12 seconds”

“Once my smile ceased I met the child’s gaze before howling “come here” in a deep Australian gruff, followed by “I’ll give ya one.”“