“When you’re constantly on the road, you start thinking about what’s comfortable and easy to adjust for every situation, and something that is light and easy to tow around with, and that tends to be denim, so we just wear denim all the time. It kind of fits with the whole rock n’ roll thing I guess.”
It felt like a weight was gaining on Yancy’s back, bringing him down to a low, a low he hadn’t felt in over five years.
He took it hour by hour, trying to get back to his usual self, his happy self, his alive self; but it wasn’t working. Yancy kept away from everyone, he didn’t want to bring others down, or get worried look from others.
Then it dawned on him, it was this exact day, exact day that he couldn’t save someone he truly cared about, it was the day he experienced heart break.
Somehow Yancy found himself on the catwalk in the hanger, above where Gipsy once was. His guitar in the same spot he left it a week ago, tears already covered his face.
“I’m so, so sorry Jay.” He whimpered out.
Jay Peck, the first love of Yancy’s life. They started dating when Yancy was still in the closet, not even Raleigh knew he was gay.
Neither cared about their hidden relationship because they loved each other, more then anything.
Ten months after they started dating their was a kaiju attack, of course there had been others in the past, but this one, this one changed their lives.
Once it was taken down by none other then Yancy and Raleigh, the brothers did their usual, celebrate; they went to a bar, drank a lot, and shortly into it, Yancy snuck out to see Jay, what he didn’t expect was that he had to go to the hospital to see his lover.
There laying in bed was Jay, Jay, he sweet, sweet boy, his everything, dying.
“The kaiju blue, he’s, he’s been infected. I’m sorry Yancy.” His sister said hugging him as she began to cry again.
“No..” Yancy whispered.
Jay’s sister went into the hall to give Yancy and Jay space.
“No tears Yance, please, I can’t bare to see you cry.” Jay stated. Yancy nodded and walked over to the bed side; Jay moved over to make room for Yancy, they laid in bed a cuddled.
Jay couldn’t be infected, he didn’t look sick, he just couldn’t be. Yancy couldn’t lose him to.
“From the scrapes and bruises,to the familiar abuses, I’ll kick and scream but, it never changes anything, and I could spill my guts out, wearing my best little girl pout. And I almost missed it, but nobody said that this was gonna be easy.”
Jay coughed up blood and his lunch, he was losing weight by the day. The doctor said this wasn’t going to be easy. Jay said Yancy could leave him, but Yancy stayed by his side the best his could, any free time he had, he was at the hospital.
“This is not the man I hoped to be, and I’m just trying to stop the bleedin-”
‘Jay, baby please, please stay with me. I NEED A DOCTOR IN HEAR!’
“I don’t know how to word it, I just started to deserve it, and all my, all my faces are alibis.-”
'I’m fine Raleigh, just tired is all. Go hang out with your friends, I’ll be along later.’
“And me, I’m half the man I wanted to be. Most times it all comes out wrong-”
'I’M NOT GOING TO WATCH YOU DIE DAMN IT!’
'Then go! Leave!’
Yancy began to cry, and so did Jay, he moved across the room, putting in head in Jay’s lap as he cried. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I love you."
"I don’t know the words, but I’ll hum along, 'cause nothing’s familiar here anymore. To anyone, or anything, enough to feel alive, and I still taste that sickness.”
Jay laid in bed, wasting a way into skin and bone, his colorful green eyes losing color. It broke Yany’s heart.
“And it makes me crazy without it at best, but I’m in the same place I used to be, but I’m trying harder not to be.” Yancy sang through tears, as he thought about the past. This wasn’t making things better, but a small part of him was happy to think about Jay again.
“This is not the man I hoped to be, and I’m just trying to stop the bleedin’, I don’t know how to word it. I just started to deserve it. And all my, all my faces are alibis, and me, I’m half the man I wanted to be”
“WHAT AM I? WHAT AM I? WHAT AM I!”
'Who are you?’
'It’s me Jay, it’s Yancy baby.’
“And all my, all my faces are alibis. This is not the man I hoped to be qnd I’m just trying to stop the bleedin. I don’t know how the words go. "Don’t want it, don’t get it! I know you won’t regret it! Don’t surface, don’t surface! And I feel so damn worthless!”
'There’s n-nothing you can d-do baby.’
'That’s what makes it hurt so fucking much! I just want to better! I want to spend the rest of my life with you! Not watch you die!“
"Another day is gone and all my faces are alibis! All my faces are alibis!”
'Time of death, 3:48am, Tuesday.’
“And me, I’m half the man I wanted to be…” The guitar dropped from Yancy’s hand, falling off the catwalk to the ground bellow where it crushed.