There is just something about prehistoric ages that is flat out terrifying. For some reason the days of yore were teeming with the most repulsive, frightening creatures ever culled from the worst nightmares of a thousand horror game devs. From 2.5-meters-long centipede Arthropleura to Parapuzosia, an ammonite that measured two meters across at least, the olden days were not user friendly to modern-day humans.
Now consider that all these horrifying fucks have died out - from the tiniest trilobite to the most enormous Godzilla-tier ground sloth. But some of them remained, unchanging despite millenia of geological and meteorological change patiently trying to fuck them over. They remained, watching, loathing. (Except for the velvet worms. Velvet worms are adorable.)
And we’re going to look at a prime example of this kind of terror today. Ladies and gentlesquids: the hagfish.
No, before you ask,
Eptatretus stoutii is not some kind of throwback nematodan worm that gets a kick out of living in whales’ guts. This is, against all odds, really a fish. It is, however, from a more ancient time, and thus doesn’t
know how to properly fish.
How ancient it is? Well, it still has no jaw.
Oh, you thought that big round opening on its head that definitely looks like a closable jaw is its mouth? Tough luck, slugger;that’s actually its nose. The mouth, on the other hand, is a horrid mix of the dreaded Vagina Dentata and sandpaper. Seriously, the lamprey has nothing on this shit.
Holy disturbing imagery, Batman!
but if you think this is the most disgusting thing about the hagfish, think a-fucking-gain. There’s yet more to come.
First of all, the hagfish is known for one of the most revolting, yet effective defense mechanisms in the animal world. If having an enormous vagina for a face wasn’t enough of an allusion to Hedorah already, it protects itself from the big asshole predators by flooding the surrounding water with shitloads of slime. And when I say shitloads, I mean shitloads.
These are things man was not meant to see
The hagfish’s slime is one of the best biofilaments in the entire world, being able to clog up state-of-the-art diving equipment and suffocate even the most pants-shittingly terrifying predatory animals that are more or less the Mega Evolutions of ordinary sea life. What’s even better, the hagfish can produce more or less infinite amounts of it, so if it wanted to drown human civilization in a tidal wave of slime and then feast on our souls for all eternity, it could have done it already, with relative ease.
Thankfully, it’s not interested in puny mortals. What it’s interested in is eating, eating, and then eating some more; it’s every chef’s dream client, if said chef has a stomach made of adamantium and thus he doesn’t vomit his stomach out at the way in which the hagfish eats.
This little slimy fuck is an opportunistic scavenger, which means that if it happens upon a sufficiently tasty-looking corpse, it will immediately dig in. Literally.
In order to eat, the hagfish first tears its way to the corpse’s innards. However, since it’s physically puny, it needs to boost its momentum… which it does by literally tying a knot onto itself.
After it breaks in, the hagfish nestles itself in the body cavity, and starts reenacting the Alien movies.
The hagfish will eat the corpse from the inside out, some parts with its eldritch, jawess mouth, but most of it with its bare skin. Oh, yeah, did I forget to mention the fact that they can eat through their skin? Silly me.
a collection of dreamy, sun-soaked songs that should be listened to in the car on full volume with all the windows rolled down while on a road trip with all your friends ~✿~✿~✿~
Postcard Radio - Froth | Donut - Jaws | L.S.D. - Skegss | Free - Tomorrows Tulips | Sunlight - Yuno | Honey - Swim Deep | Drag - Black Sea | Cherry Picking - Girlpool | Party At Sunday - Cosmonauts | Blue - TELE/VISIONS | Lust For Life - Girls | Out In The Way - Beach Fossils | Beach Rats - The Growlers | Blister In The Sun - Violent Femmes | Sure As Spring - La Luz | Had Ten Dollaz - Cherry Glazerr | Daydream - Beach Fossils | Before The World Was Big - Girlpool | Sea Lion Goth Blues - The Growlers | Single Fins & Safety Pins - Japanese Motors | Saccharine Sunshine - Froth | Alison (Slowdive Cover) - Beach Fossils | Catamaran - Allah-Las
***please do not remove playlist // not my photograph (property of black sea)***
It’s a Shark Week peek into the archives! “Seated in fossil shark jaw restoration” was photographed by H.S. Rice in 1909. This early reconstruction of the jaw of C. megalodon vastly overestimated the size of this extinct predator.
New species of early human discovered near fossil of ‘Lucy’
Australopithecus deyiremeda lived about 3.4 million years ago in northern Ethiopia, around the same time and place as Australopithecus afarensis.
By Ewen Callaway
Welcome, Lucy’s neighbour. Fossilized jaws and teeth found1 in northern Ethiopia belong to an ancient human relative that researchers say lived around the same time as Lucy’s kind, Australopithecus afarensis, but is a distinct species. The remains of the new species, which has been dubbed Australopithecus deyiremeda and lived between 3.5 million and 3.3 million years ago, were uncovered just 35 kilometres from the Hadar site at which Lucy and other A. afarensis individuals were found. Fossils from A. afarensis date to between 3.7 million and 3 million years ago, so the two species would have overlapped (although Lucy herself may have lived too recently to see one).
The find suggests that several distinct hominins — species more closely related to humans than to chimps — roamed eastern Africa more than 3 million years ago. A third species, Kenyanthropus platyops, lived in what is now Kenya around the same time2. “The question that is going to come up is which taxa gave rise to our genus, Homo,” says Yohannes Haille-Selassie, a palaeoanthropologist at the Cleveland Museum of Natural History in Ohio, whose team reports its discovery in Nature1. “That’s going to be the 64-million-dollar question.”
Okay, so, I’ve been progressing pretty slowly in Pokemon ‘cause I’ve been busy lately. I just got to the part where you pick a fossil. This whole time I was planning on getting the sail fossil, but at the last second I changed to the jaw fossil. I thought its typing would work on my team better. Now I’m mad at myself. Did I make a horrible mistake? Is this a good Pokemon? :(
Helicoprion is a long-lived genus of extinct, shark-like eugeneodontid holocephalid fish. Almost all fossil specimens are of spirally arranged clusters of the individuals’ teeth, called “tooth whorls.” Helicoprion first arose in the oceans of the late Carboniferous 310 million years ago, survived the Permian–Triassic extinction event, and eventually became extinct during the Early Triassic, 250 million years ago. This fossilized jaw shows the spiral dentures.