jason sacks

EVERYBODY DYING TODAY!!! [Friday The 13th The Game][#04]
FINALLY!!!!!! I get to be the predator instead of the prey. Watch me kill counselors left and right. Subscribe if you're new. Share with your friends. Also l...

Finally, I’m the predator, no longer the prey. The counselors better run as fast as they can because I’m coming!! Ki Ki Ki Ma Ma Ma

Jason Salty Todd (1/2)

Jason to Bruce:

All this sacks yet you don’t have the balls the avenge my death.

Jason to Dick: 

All these Kardashians *watches KUWTK* yet you are the biggest ass *Dick looks up innocently from eating cereal*

Jason to Tim:

All these bats *gestures to the bats in the bat cave* yet you still choose this *points to Bruce who is typing on the batcomputer*

Jason to Damian:

All these swords *points to Damian’s swords collection* yet you aren’t so sharp. 

Jason to Duke:

All these families *gestures to families at the park* yet you got caught up with ours *gives confused look to Duke*

Jason to Alfred: 

All this cookies *points to the cookie factories* yet I’ll still choose yours.  ♥

So I’ve been trying to come up with some October Batfamily headcanons, and what if Bruce took his family apple picking? Like he would just cram Dick, Jason, Cass, Tim, and Damian into this huge Dad Van™ and drive them all the way to Kansas to pick some apples. More specifically, the Kent family farm, where he gets a discount even though he’s a billionaire but everyone loves a good bargain. Anyways, just imagine poor Bruce being so done trying to force his kids to be normal functioning human beings for once. He is just walking around, whistling and picking apples, all the while doing his best to ignore what his hyperactive kids are doing behind him.

Like Dick is swinging around on all of the tree branches, doing these intricate flips and twirls, occasionally falling ten feet and crying for Bruce to save him. And then there’s Damian who found a worm on an apple and it touched his hand so he’s running around screaming and waving his contaminated hand in the air like a crazy person. Jason was jogging behind Dami, screaming at him to stop drop and roll, but then accidentally crashing into a horse that kicked him in the face so now he’s unconscious. Tim had found Kon and was sitting perched on his shoulders as he flew him around, throwing sticks at Cass as she ran around chucking pebbles at him like bullets. Just. Poor Broose. Somebody save him from his children’s antics. He seriously regrets ever thinking that getting even one sidekick was a good idea.

It’s even worse when they get home. First of all, they picked and purchased 400 apples. Why? Because they’re insane, that’s why. And second, Dick insisted that they all help out Alfred in the kitchen and bake every last apple into as many pies as they could make. Once again, insanity since not even they could eat all of those pies.

So there they are in the kitchen, poor Alfred having given up long ago before they’d even finished peeling more than a few apples. He was very smart to leave, as five siblings baking in the kitchen all at once was not a good idea. It’s remarkable how this family functions so well as superheroes, but so horribly at being a normal family that doesn’t create chaos wherever they go.

All around the room the fleet of teenage vigilantes is creating a giant mess of chaos. They got through about five pies, but then Tim sliced his finger with an apple peeler and started freaking out. He got a drop of blood on Damian’s arm, so the kid punched him in the face. Dick scolded him for punching his brother, but then Jason threw a sack of flour at him in frustration when Dick knocked his perfectly made dough on the floor. Dick then tackled him for getting flour in his eyes and, but as he knocked Jay to the ground they accidentally took Cass out with them, getting a whole bowl full of sticky ingredients in her hair. So Cass was chasing around Dick with a frying pan, Dick was trying to get Jason with a knife, Damian was riding Titus around like a war horse, and Tim was just curled in a ball on the floor sobbing over his boo boo.

Around midnight Bruce waltzes into the kitchen for some tea only to discover the biggest mess to ever be in Alfred’s spotless kitchen in Wayne history. They were all tangled in a pile on the floor, officially tuckered out after trying to murder each other for a couple hours. There were six pies on fire in the oven, several blobs of dough stuck to the ceiling, and pretty much the entire contents of the kitchen all over the floor, the counter, and his kids. Bruce doesn’t really even react at this point. He kind of just gives a long exhausted sigh, steps over the sleeping Batkids, and proceeds to make himself some tea, simply walking out when he was done. He’s just so tired and not even Superman could handle these kids at the moment. He does wish he hadn’t taken them apple picking, though. Yet another thing they are no longer allowed to do on family outings anymore.

‘Friday the 13th: Part 2’ by Jeff Zornow