So here’s a song from my record. You might not want to listen to it. I can totally relate. I see a lot of music on here and people swear up and down I should hear and I just skip it. But this song means a whole lot to me. I mean, obviously all my songs do. But let me tell you a story about this one, and you can hit play while you read it.
I used to take care of these kids. There were 3 of them. I loved them so much. I’m not going to go into a lot of detail on the situation because it’s private and involves other people and you know how that goes. But for about 3 years I spent basically 24 hours a day taking care of these kids. The situation I was in there was emotionally destructive and I stayed a lot longer than I should have because I didn’t know what to do.
But I did leave. It was a really hard time for me, and it took a long time for me to understand how to deal with the guilt, and this song is about that. The first verse is sort of my apology to them for leaving. The second verse deals with the way that I was treated while I was there.
The last email I sent to the mother of the kids, was an excerpt from a poem by Lora Mathis called Hidden in your aorta is a way for me to win you back and when I sought out who had authored it, I found her blog and all her other amazing writing (seriously, go follow her) and when it came time to end my album, I knew that if I could get her to read that part of the poem, it would be perfect and mean so much to me. And she did it! It’s really her reciting it!
So the poem comes in, then I touch on apologizing to the kids once more, and then my friend Lydia recorded some amazing vocal melodies that honestly just capture how peaceful I became inside once I accepted how things turned out. And this song is absolutely so reflective of the last year or so of my life and it would really just mean a lot to me if you listened to this one.
The Tenth Song
you were innocent when the bullets flew i'm sorry you had to endure the way that i was abused and it made me crazy and it made me sad you deserved more than i gave you deserved more than i had you were my whole world you were my everything you were my morning sun you were every evening but i went away you were taken away and now i've lost things i can't bring myself to say i'll never be sure what happened i'll never know the truth i could never make myself understand what it's like to be you it would take far too long
to count all the times that you truly hurt me then made me apologize you were my only thought you were all i could see in my search for you all i lost was me but you sent me away so i pushed you away and now i've lost things i can't bring myself to say