jason and damian

The Batfamily as Things My Friends Have Said

Tim: *to Kon after finding out there was a tornado warning* Shh, be quiet so the tornado doesn’t hear us…


Jason: *upon hearing Roy has been around someone else besides him* I don’t know who this “friend” is but they can go…lick a tree


Barbara: Do not make me turn this library around, I swear to Jesus Harold Christ


Dick: My butt, like, deflected it


Damian: I’m gonna grab you…by the crotch…and body slam you.


Cassandra: Oh my god there’s an arrow going through my boob


Helena: You guys bout to catch these hands *accidentally punches herself in face*


Stephanie: No, it’s just that I almost punched you in the boobs when I was trying to pick flowers


Luke: *trying to build a kite* It requires 30 grams of instructions


Bruce: *pointing at Tim* He’s eyebrowing at me to the tune of Jaws


Alfred: We got to slap each other with realistic feeling ham

AND MY FAVORITE


Duke: *staring at his family and friends* Why are we impersonating birds????

Robin’s Nest: Part 19

Prompt: What if the robin’s were batmom’s and bruce’s biological kids?

AN: There’s only one more part after this.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12 , Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18


   You decide on a home birth early on. Your kids look at you like you’re crazy, Bruce looks like he’s going to be ill, and Alfred looks ready to retire. But you have your reasons. This is your sixth pregnancy, which means things should move fairly quickly. Plus, if you have the baby at home that means you don’t have to avoid the paparazzi. Lee agrees to assist in the birth, along with a doula friend of hers. You’re quite certain that you’re ready to go.

    However, this pregnancy is quite different from the others. You find yourself, infinitely more tired. Lee assures you it’s the combination of having eight children and your older age. You pout after the older age part. You’re in your thirties, that isn’t old.

    You hide it for as long as you can, but of course you start to show early. The papers have a field day with the news. There’s references to Bruce not being able to keep it in his pants, raising a nation, and you trying to trap him ever further. You roll your eyes at that; if he hadn’t left after Damian and Helena then he was in it for the long haul.

    Your boys take it upon themselves to ruin any possible paparazzi photos. You find it funny, how they make faces, and jump in front of you. At one point Dick even carries Terry on his shoulders. Your five years sticks out his tongue for the cameras. You can’t help but laugh.

    The months tick by, and you find yourself ready to be done. This particular pregnancy has been demanding physically. Your back always hurts, and you find yourself needing to use the bathroom all the time.

    So when your due date comes and goes without even a braxton hicks contraction, you get a little ornery. You go into labor, in the middle of the night, two weeks after your due date.

You’re wrong on the shortened labor part too. You spend a total of thirty-six hours in labor. By the end, you’re threatening Bruce’s life.

    Maxwell Benjamin Wayne comes into the world at 11 am. He screams, and cries, and is so full of life that you can only smile. You cuddle with him for a good hour, before Bruce carries you out of the guest room, where you’d given birth and back to your room.

    The two of you lie in bed with him for a while, before allowing the kids into the room. You fall asleep to the sight of them passing Max around, and you can’t help but smile, because you finally feel as though your family is complete.

Roots: Chapter 5 (The Star)

Intro Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 

This is long overdue, and I’m still not entirely happy with how it turned out. But I figure you guys deserve some closure sooner rather than later. It’s a little less of an emotional mess than the last one, at the very least.

(Warnings: mentions of child murder & parental abuse, some violence, and a super brief mention of drugs. Plus, Jason’s issues in general.)

Keep reading

Batfamily as things my family has said

Barbara: “If you eat that piece of bacon I swear to god this friendship is over" 

Dick: *sneaks up on unsuspecting sibling* *randomly drops and crushes said sibling with all their weight* "HUMPBACK WHALE!!!" 

Jason: "Hey come here, I have to tell you a secret. Closer. Little closer.” *sticks tongue in their ear* 

Cass: “I’m sorry but I really don’t like you and I want you to stay outside of my house or maybe just be dead and burn in the darkest pits of hell please" 

Tim: *loses battery for the remote* "WHY WON’T GOD JUST FREAKING LET ME DIE I THINK I’VE EARNED IT BY NOW" 

Stephanie: *accidentally sets fire to counter* "You know, maybe you shouldn’t play with fire anymore” “Yeah, maybe-” *lights match* “-but not today" 

Damian: "You know once a kid dared me to stick up the middle finger in kindergarten and I did and the second I did it he called the teacher and she made me sit out recess that day and this is why I have trust issues" 

Alfred: *banging pots and pans* "GET THE FRICK DOWNSTAIRS YOU PEASANTS I MADE CUPCAKES AND NEED VALIDATION ON MY BAKING ABILITIES" 

Bruce: "hOw DaRe YoU dIsReSpEct mE!!! i aM tHe KiNg Of tHiS LiViNg RoOm!!!" 

What if everyone in Gotham knows that Bruce Wayne has one biological child…

But none of them knows who is?

See, each of his five children acts and looks so much like Bruce that they can’t figure out which one it is. Most swear it’s Cass. She’s the one whose origin they know the least about, plus she acts the most like their father, so the majority of the population assume it’s Cass. Others think it’s Tim, since no billionaire would give his very important company to his kid unless he were his actual child. But a lot of people also suspect that Jason is the product of one drunken night between Bruce Wayne and some random woman who died and left him Jason to take care of, which would explain why Bruce adopted some random street rat without warning. Though questions often circulate about whether Dick Grayson was actually the son of a pair of acrobats, or if it was all a ploy to hide his true origin, which was a scandalous love affair that occurred between Bruce Wayne and Marie Grayson during a trip to see the circus.

Nobody suspects Damian, though. The Bruce Wayne that Gotham knows and loves is a rich playboy who likes picking up ladies and going to fancy parties. Damian Wayne is too grumpy and angry to possibly be the biological son of that guy, right?

An average day at Wayne Manor

Bruce: *sitting and reading the newspaper* 

*suddenly hears a crash and some screaming from upstairs* 

*footsteps running back and forth on the ceiling*  

Dick: Bruuuuuuce!!!!

*another crash and some muffled grunting* 

Jason: Don’t listen to him, Bruce, everything is fine!!!

*some more muffled cursing and punches*

Damian: This is all your fault, Todd!!!

Tim: For the love of god, somebody put out the fire!!!!

*more running* 

Steph: I got it!!!

*the sounds of a pipe bursting* 

*more screaming and cursing* 

Dick: Bruuuce!!! Call the fire department!!!

Tim: Screw that, call the Justice League!!! Damian’s on fire!!!

*more screaming* 

Bruce: *takes a sip of tea* I hate my life

Damian: *is fighting with Bruce, threatens to quit* 

Jason: *starts laughing* 

Damian: What? 

Jason: Dude, nobody quits being Robin 

Damian: What? But didn’t you quit? 

Jason: No, stupid, I died 

Damian: Fine, then Grayson. He quit to become Nightwing 

Dick: Um, actually Bruce fired me 

Damian: What about Drake? 

Tim: Nope, Dick stole the title from me and gave it to you 

Damian: Oh. But didn’t you quit while Brown was Robin? 

Tim: My dad forced me to, so it doesn’t count 

Damian: *hmphs* Then Brown, at least? 

Steph: Sorry, I was fired too 

Damian: Fine. Then I’ll just be the first to quit! 

Jason: *laughs* Nah, sorry kid, not gonna happen. You’ll probably either get fired or killed again, and I’ve got fifty bucks on the line for the latter 

Damian: *pales* Father? 

Bruce: *has conveniently disappeared*