jason & robin

Give me a live action Batman film that tries to be dark and gritty but gets ruined by the sassy and sarcastic comments and bad puns from all of his kids

Everyone:

“Joker is so funny!!1!1!! 🤣🤣🤣 He’s one of my favorite villains because he’s not even a real bad guy lolz he’s just a weirdo hahaha 👏👏👏 He’s so funny and random I love how quirky he is 😍😍😍😍😍 I hate how people say the Joker is a bad person he’s just a funny weirdo 😝😝😝”

Joker:

*Beat 15 year old Jason Todd to death with a crowbar*

*Abused and emotionally manipulated poor Harley for years*

*Shot Barbara Gordon in the spine and paralyzed her before stripping her naked and taking photos in an effort to drive Jim Gordon insane*

*Once skinned a man alive out of spite*

*In Injustice, tricked Superman into brutally murdering Lois Lane - the love of his life - as well as their unborn child*

*Literally shaved his own face off and wore it as a mask for what reason???*

*Raped a woman just to get back at her husband*

*Blew up a school building full of innocent children*

*Tortured and brainwashed 13 year old Tim Drake and turned him into Joker Jr., which deeply traumatized him to the point of having a mental breakdown*

*Literally everything that happened during the dinner scene in Death of the Family*

Batfam as Tweets and Tumblr Shitposts™
  • Dick: Knowledge is knowing tomato is a fruit, wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad
  • Steph: That was deep
  • Tim: Philosophy is wondering if that means ketchup is a smoothie
  • Steph: That was deeper
  • Jason: Common sense is knowing that ketchup isn't a damn smoothie YOU NASTY!
  • -------
  • Tim: What if trees cried because we started eating their fruit because their fruit is basically their babies. So every time we eat an apple or something, we're eating a tree baby
  • Damian: *Slowly backs away from the fruit bowl looking stricken*
  • Bruce: *Not looking up from his newspaper* we're eating their ovaries actually
  • --------
  • Jason: That feeling you get when you're angry
  • Dick: Anger
  • --------
  • Steph: Boys are so lucky to have boners to tell them when they're horny because girls are just like damn am I horny or am I hungry or am I bored I don't know I don't have a dick
  • --------
  • Jason: If I cut off my foot and like swing it at your head am I kicking or hitting you?
  • Tim: You'll most likely mentally scar me more than anything else
  • ---------
  • Dick: Carpe diem seize the day. Carpe noctem seize the night. Carpe natem seize the ass.
  • ---------
  • Jason: 80% exhaustion 10% sarcasm 20% don't care
  • Tim: That's 110%
  • Jason: 20% of me doesn't care
  • Tim: Should've seen that coming
  • ----------
  • Bruce: *Mary Poppins voice* okay children time to go
  • [Fifteen minutes later]
  • Bruce: *Batman voice* I said let's go
  • -----------
  • Alfred: Who ate all the cookies?
  • Dick: Ninjas
  • Alfred: I didn't see them
  • Dick: No one ever does
  • -----------
  • Bruce: *Calls up pizza place*
  • Bruce: WHY WOULD YOU CUT MY PIZZA SO UNEVEN? IF YOU ARE TRYING TO TEAR MY FAMILY APART IT'S WORKING

Jason: We are gathered here today-

Dick: [sobs]

Jason: To honor the life-

Damian: And death

Dick: [sobs harder]

Jason: Of Blue, someone who meant much to us all. He was family. A victim of- uhh…

Dick: [sobs some more]

Damian: This is pathetic. I’m going to my room.

Tim: Don’t be so rude! This is a funeral!

Damian: For a fish

Jason: Shut up. Both of you. Steph, start the music again.

Steph: Sure thing, lover boy.

Jason: Blue was only 3 weeks old when he was tragically taken from us

Dick: [wails]