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Fyre Festival was the perfect buttfuck bacchanal of comedy. It was a failed music festival whose victims seem to be privileged millennials who went on to lodge exaggerated and tone-deaf complaints. And it was organized by Ja Rule. There are so many punchlines there that you need to stop to take a breather in the middle of it.

Mankind hates “hippie” festivals as a concept. Do you remember New York’s Great GoogaMooga food and music festival? It raised $75,000, which wasn’t enough to cover the damage everyone at the event did to the grass, and there was a brawl over fried chicken.

Every year when Coachella rolls, there’s a deluge of articles and Twitter one-liners about the kinds of people you’ll see at Coachella. Same with Burning Man, Bonnaroo, SXSW, whatever. If you go to it, you probably love it, but the rest of us for some reason disdain the events and the sorts of people who attend them. It’s like each one is chum for cock sharks, and we’re all Quint, just surly as shit for being eaten the last time this happened.

Why The Fyre Festival Attendees Should’ve Seen It Coming

When I was in college at Virginia Tech, Ja Rule was scheduled to appear at a campus concert, but he cancelled at the last minute for early 2000s reasons (he had been booked to appear on TRL with Hoobastank, he had to make an early screening of Attack Of The Clones, etc.). He rescheduled the show for later in the school year, but when the date of the rescheduled performance rolled around, Ja Rule cancelled again. That’s right, he abandoned two performances at the last minute, in the same place, in the same year. In response, we took to calling him “Ja Fool” around campus, which no one ever did before or since, because the freshman class of 2002 carried a rapier wit. I took the wisdom I learned that spring for granted, and only now do I realize my folly. By not speaking up against the Fyre Festival when I had the chance, I doomed millions of dollars of utterly disposable income to the whims of Ja Rule, the trickster god of mischief.

But the fault is not merely my own.

The Moral Of The Story Is: Never, EVER Trust Ja Rule

People be like “Don’t laugh at fyre festival its messed up to laugh at someone’s misery!” but I’m here thinking how in the world are these people in misery?? First off, they are so fortunate that they could afford to treat themselves to an exclusive luxury vacation in the Bahamas. They just have $12,000 lying around like its chump change and didn’t even have to think twice about spending it. Second, they are in the FREAKING BAHAMAS!!! hat is a tropical island paradise and so many people would KILL to be able to go there. Third, they have food, water, and shelter provided for the weekend, which is more than many people in that very island have ever had. So excuse me but I will laugh all that I want because if anything, these people got what they had coming and are so ungrateful they don’t even think to consider how blessed they truly are.

Alright, so, Fyre Festival is hilarious but we need to stop acting like it was this elaborate practical joke on idle rich brats. It’s looking like part, or even most, of the reason it was a colossal clusterfuck is that Ja Rule criminally under-paid the labor staff and didn’t really clear it with the locals. He donated the money to charity as a desperate PR move (which may not actually go through because of all the loans he took out for the event). This isn’t hilarious because it’s a Robin Hood stunt on people who wanted Cochella without the riff-raff, it’s hilarious because the idle rich are useless and incompetent and fucked themselves over.