jared's voice in that song is just

little things about the Dear Evan Hansen cast album

- evan’s “oh… ://// good… :////” in the opening

- the perfect teenage logic of connor’s (not word-for-word) “oh you don’t want me to go to school high, then i won’t go, glad we agree *leaves*”

- heidi and cynthia’s harmonies yas 

- okay but waving through a window is actually v sad especially when you know the storyline and it’s messing me up and ?

- the transition from “do you ever really crash or even make a sound” to “did I even make a sound” like!!!!

- the musical silence from “will i ever make a sound” to when the chorus starts again LoUDLy

- ben’s VibRaTooOOoOoOoOoO

- “i’m on the ground, my arm goes numb.” pause. “and i see him come to get me.”

- the desperation in evan’s voice when he repeats “he’s come to get me” like babe no

- evan calling connor “buddie” pls my heart can’t take this

- the implications of evan, when creating connor in his head, immediately imagined that connor had helped him after falling from the tree like frick

- “Why would you write that?” “I’m just trying to tell the truth” i love you jared

- jared’s sarcasm, “ s m oking d r u gs?”, “KINKY!”, “very specific”

- evan calling connor “dude” lol bro nice try

- even when evan and connor specifically do their “no homo” it’s still very gay 

- HEY HEY HEY HEY ***harmonies****

- cynthia can i hang out with you pls thx

- “that YoUUUU ARe NOt the MONSTER that I knewwww”

- the vibrato on the word “he” like

- ben’s voice so seamlessly transitions from low to high it’s

- “i’m just trying to remember the best ones” too precious

- “you looked really pretty–er–uh–*cough*–um–ah–it looked pretty cool”

- the progressions of the “I love you”s 

- mike’s voice is so pureeeee

- the little final whispered “disappear”

- the growth of YOU WILL BE FOUND to the full chorus just BLASTING their beautiful HARMONIES

- michael park is such a dad, i’m emotional

- can i fight evan’s actual father asap

- “you don’t have to be scared you’re not enough”

- BEN AND LAURA’s HARmonIEs Just!!!!!

- how quickly evan responds, like he’s just so excited, these two

- the hand-drums during “only us” yes 


- g u i t a r “I’m SORRY that I’m NOt EnouGH, THANk GOd They RESCuED You” like fuq let it out heidi

- alana and jared’s harmonies!!!!! their voices are so pretty!!! and strong!!!! petition for an alana and jared musical 

- how quietly ben starts until he’s absolutely BELTING “I gotta find a way to STOP it STop IT just let me OOOOOOOOOUt”

- someone nominate Rachel Bay Jones for a Tony

-ben’s breathing in “words fail” someone help him

- the throwback to “waving through a window” i’m not crying you’re crying

- actually now we’re both crying

- who the fuck approved evan going off his meds like dr. sherman wtf

- how ben emphasizes certain words and it’s so painful i can’t talk about it this song is just so–too-i

- “would they like what they saw…or would they hate it…too” 

- i cri

- hope at the end but i’m still crying

If You Like Be More Chill...

Here are some more songs you might like by Joe Iconis!

Kevin : This song is sung by Andrew Rannells (a god) about being bored in Brooklyn. Plot twist song with a catchy tune that I sing in all my free time. Features this breathtaking ending and amazing chorus.

Jeff : Jeremy Morse sings about spying on his neighbors. Its funny and awful on the surface, but gets extremely interesting. It has some amazing one liners and moments that really make you think about this character and his life.

Party Hat : MK Lawson and Eric William Morris have this amazing chemistry that is reflected perfectly in a story about a lonely girl and a cat. Its unbelievably charming and well done. The fact alone made me laugh that Eric was playing a cat.

Blue Hair : Jordan Stanley has a young boyish charm that is beautiful and gorgeous and I love this song. Its about a boy who decides he wants to make a statement and just dyes his hair blue because he can. Its actually from one of Joe’s other musicals called The Black Suits. Highly recommend. 

The Goodbye Song : Jason Williams. Deep song. Kinda sad. I sing it and pretend I’m on a stage all the time. This song is gorgeous and I don’t really know how to explain it, but its basically this song about a death and how the person dying wants everyone to be okay when he’s gone. 

Right Place/Wrong Time : Eric William Morris and Katrina Rose Dideriksen both have amazing voices that work so well in presenting the concept of the song. They sing about how they always seem to be missing their chances even when they might have talent. 

Honey : Listen as Jared Weiss tears your heart out as he sings about pining over his best friend. Its an extremely cute piece that is so well sung and portrayed. No jokes, just cuteness.

Lisa : Katrina Rose Dideriksen sings about feeling like you’re not enough to be with a girl. It is actually the best thing. Katrina brings this amazing emotion and power into it that just wow. Honestly, its a gay anthem. (Also from The Black Suits)

Velociraptor : Liz Lark Brown sings about being a velociraptor and its hilarious, but actually a metaphor for societal expectations and where we all belong in the world??? She has an amazing voice and there’s some parts where you laugh and some parts where you have to furrow your eyebrows and really appreciate it.

The Actress : Katrina Rose Dideriksen yet again. It follows the struggle of this girl and what she has to do to become an actress. The meaning behind this song is so impressively portrayed and once more leaves your jaw dropped at Joe Iconis and his writing. Its funny and charming as well. 

These are just my personal favorites! Feel free to message me or send in an ask telling me what you think of these songs, which are your favorites, or even recommend some more! Happy listening!

That One Dreadful Call

Jensen x Reader

Word Count: 974

Warnings: ANGST (which isn’t a shocker with me anymore) 

A/N: Here’s your Daddy!Jensen angst!!! I hope you all enjoy it…there may be a part two or I may just be a bitch and leave it like this lol anyways thanks to @mamapeterson for the beta and feedback is gratefully appreciated!!!

Jensen couldn’t stop smiling. While waiting for the set to be prepared again he started thinking about you and your four year old daughter who looked exactly like you, but had his eyes. He had everything he could have ever wanted and more. Ever since marrying you, you had truly made him a better man and he could never stop showing you how much he appreciates and loves you. Last night was one of those nights, after Olivia fell asleep, you were all his and everything was completely perfect. Jensen actually felt himself starting to blush as he started thinking about last night in such a public place. He was brought out of his thoughts by the directors booming voice, rubbed the back of his neck, and made his way back to his marker.

Many takes later it was finally lunch time and also around the same time you would pick Olivia up from pre-K. Which would result in him getting a FaceTime call of the two of you as you drove back home. All throughout lunch Jensen was constantly checking his phone, so much that Jared noticed, “Hey man, she probably just forgot or got busy with the teacher or something. Don’t sweat it.”

“Do you think I should call just to be sure?”

Jared shook his head, “Nah, I’m telling you everything is fine.

“But she always calls, this isn’t just something she would all of a sudden forget to do.”

“I know, which is why I’m saying something else must have come up to where she couldn’t FaceTime you.” Jared’s head lifted when he heard the director’s voice once again. Slapping the side of Jensen’s arm he gave him a reassuring smile, “Come on, back to work we go.”

Jensen gave a nod of his head as he stuffed his cell phone back into his pocket, he’d find out why he didn’t get his call when he got home tonight. Jared was probably right, it was most likely nothing and Jensen was just overreacting. But then again if you did have something else to do…why didn’t you just send him a quick text? He shook his head and brushed it off as he walked back onto set, immediately transforming into Dean Winchester.

Jensen went about the rest of his day without a single call or message from you still. Now he was really starting to get worried. He moved you here to Vancouver with him so he could always be with you and never miss a moment of Olivia growing up. Even though he was about an hour away you still talked to him like you still lived in Austin, he was your best friend and you were his. So to go all day without hearing anything from you…really made him nervous.

It was at the beginning of the final scene, one more hour till he got to go home, when his phone finally rang. The director wasn’t all that happ,y but Jensen answered it anyways, waving off the director, “Y/N, babe, why haven’t you called me all day? Is something wrong?”

Jensen heard sniffling along with little whimpers and his brow scrunched together, that wasn’t you, “Olivia? Baby girl, where’s mommy?”

She whimpered one last time before Jensen heard someone else whispering to her, “Olivia, is that mommy? Can you hand her the phone?” This was when Jensen really started to panic and he wasn’t sure what was going on. He felt Jared’s hand on his shoulder with a questioning look but he just gave him the ‘hold on’ finger.

“D-Daddy…t-the mean man t-told me dat m-mommy can’t t-talk right now…dat y-you gotta find us. C-Come find us daddy…I-I scared….” He heard her starting to cry again as she pleaded for him to help her. His heart dropped, his stomach twisted into a knot, and he could feel his throat starting to close up. His little girl was calling out to him to help her and save her and he had no idea where you or her even were.

“Liv…tell me who has you and daddy will be right there!” He waited barely a second and he didn’t hear her voice or her whimpers anymore. “Liv! Olivia!” Jensen shut his eyes and some tears escaped just as another voice spoke through the phone.

“Jensen! Hey buddy, how’s it hanging?!”

“J-James?” That’s all Jared needed to hear and he pulled away from Jensen and started to call the police on his cell phone.

Jensen heard this blood curdling laugh on the other end, “You sound so surprised! I told you that you’d be seeing me again! Looks like someone didn’t believe me!” James said in a sing song taunting tone that made Jensen shudder..  

“You tell me where you have them and we can settle this right now. James, you give me back my family!” Jensen’s voice broke as his knees gave out. “Please. I’ll give you anything you want, just give me my family back.”

“Ya know…as tempting as that is…and let me tell ya, having you offer up anything that I want is really really tempting…I’m gonna have to pass. We haven’t had our fun just yet! Toodles Jay!” James started laughing again and Jensen couldn’t stop the furious tears as he heard those last two words and then there was nothing at all except for the cruel dial tone heckling him. Jensen screamed and then threw his fist into the ground not caring about the pain that just erupted throughout his arm. Jared rushed over and slung an arm around Jensen’s shoulders, pulling his friend into his body as Jensen gave in and cried.

“We’ll get ‘em back Jay…we’ll get ‘em back,” Jared promised, waving away several people that had come over, asking what was happening.

Part 2

Keep reading

random-fireworks  asked:

Hi! About the song Jensen played at the end of the second J2 panel that made Jared so emotional, some people say on the youtube comments that it could be the intro to Sweet Home Alabama. I'm not sure, I don't recognize it but it's maybe a version I don't know. What do you think?

Anon:  Hi. I think Jensen was playing intro to sweet home Alabama to Jared…

In response to this ask. Sorry, for taking more time then necessary to answer. Ok, so I think you are right. Just listen to Jensen and an original acoustic version.  Sure seems pretty similar to me.

I wonder if Jared saw Jensen “Sweet Home Alabama” performance from Jib6 in 2015. In my headcanon he did see it, and I don’t know if it was important to them earlier or it became after that, but Jared’s face when he realizes what Jensen’s playing it, is well, take a look yourself:

[Can I just take a second to appreciate the way Jared looks right here. *ARMS* *SINGLE LAYER* *HAIR IN HIS FACE* *TOO MUCH SEXY CUTENESS*]

Cute little smile, biting his lower lip, dimples on display (am I seeing things or did his dimples actually deepened there at one point), his whole demeanor right then was so shy. *sigh* 

 And then look at Jensen:

Look at this fucker. He’s so pleased with himself (he should be, tbh), and that little satisfied smile right at the end. Yeah, make no mistake, that song must be important to them. 

THANK YOU ANON AND @random-fireworks for your answers so much!

I liked this song just fine, and then JIB6 happened and it gave me a new meaning and I’m sure you have some songs with the great meaning to you, so you know how it is. I’ll listen to it now even more fondly then after JIB6. 

You know, I think Jensen likes Lynyrd Skynyrd (”well, DUH”, said the voices in my head), he sang “Sweet Home Alabama” to Jared when Jared wasn’t there, and he played it now, and he sang “Simple Man” to Jared at the concert at Orion yesterday (c’mon, his eyes were on Jared every couple seconds, of course he sang it to him). 

Tbh, Jensen serenading Jared is one of my favorites. 😍 😍 😍 😍 😍 😍

anonymous asked:

dear evan hansen??

DEAR EVAN HANSEN! my two faves in deh (bc im an indecisive bitch) are evan and jared! i love them! i really relate to evan in a lot of ways and waving through a window is such a fantastic song & ben platt’s voice is just golden and uh i just love evan hansen and then um jared kleinman is the love of my life? love him so much. he’s big and gay and rly funny this pic is some #soft jansen bc uhhhhhh that’s the best deh ship (FT. @richardgoranski‘s ICONIC tooth gap jared)

Dead Girl(Boy)Walking(Understudy)

Fandom: Dear Evan Hansen

Characters: Evan Hansen, Connor Murphy, and a lil’ bit of Jared Kleinman

Rating: T but also like the song is really bad and the choreo is like dry humping and it gets a little dirty so read at your own risk. If you are a smol, get out


(Ok so this branches off of these posts (Evan) (Connor) so probably read those first. Basic premise, this is after the first performance of Dead Girl Walking and Connor and Evan got together. Connor strained his voice so he has to take a day of vocal rest, he decided to come see the show.)

Keep reading

Crush (Part 3)

Originally posted by sooper-dee-dooper-natural

Pairing: Jensen x Reader
Summary: Jensen has a crush on you
Warnings: none

The second Jensen saw you, helping him up after you mistakenly took him down, he knew he had to have you. After all of this time, watching your movies and interviews, you were completely different in person.

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Worth The Wait

Summary: Jensen plans on cooking dinner for the reader on Christmas Eve. But she has plans of her own.

Pairing: Jensen x Reader

Word Count: 2,470

Christmas Request by: @atc74

“Hi sexy.” Your boyfriend whispers into your ear when you hug him hello.

“Hey.” You giggle as he tightens his arms around you making it hard to move.

“Jay! I wanna go see my baby!” Jensen finally releases you from his grip then he follows you down the hall.

“There he is!” You squeal running into the living room. Jensen’s dog Duke jumps up from his bed and he bolts in your direction.

“Such a good little puppy, huh? Yes you are!” You praise scratching behind his ears when he falls to your feet.

“I swear you only date me for my dog.” Jay playfully scoffs as he takes in the scene before him.

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anonymous asked:

ok but Evan having an ~amazing~ voice but he's always been too shy to sing in front of anyone, let alone Connor and Jared. he thought he was home alone but Connor and Jared show up at his house while he's singing and yes

Enjoy dear anon! (lowkey added spring awakening cause Ben Platt and I’m listening to it rn)


Evan enjoyed music. He liked to hum or sing along to songs when he was alone. He enjoyed softer music, but his favourite songs came from the musical Spring Awakening.

Whenever he was alone at his house, he’d plug in the soundtrack and just listen to the music. But today he was enjoying singing it. He did really love the soundtrack.

The song ‘Those You Known’ had started playing. Even though it was a sad song, Evan enjoyed it. He began singing along to it. He thought nothing of it before he heard clapping.

Evan almost jumped out of his skin. He clamped his mouth shut and with wide eyes he turned around. He blushed seeing his boyfriends standing there clapping.

“Wow babe, you have an amazing voice.” Connor smiled. “And Spring Awakening, solid choice.” Connor and Jared didn’t think anything of it but Evan was very embarrassed. 

“I-I um…I’m so sorry you heard that! You were not meant to hear me singing! I just do that alone. I just you should not have heard that, I really don’t sing I mean I sing and stuff but like not for audiences, no way I don’t have the confidence for that and let alone sing in front of my boyfriends, that’s just not something I’d do.” Evan rambled.

“Evan, you  don’t have to be embarrassed to sing in front of us.” Jared laughed, his boyfriend was adorable when he was singing and when he was rambling.

“We expect you to perform a one man show of Spring Awakening you understand me.” Connor laughed as he pulled Evan into an embrace.

“Oh hell yeah, I want that in my life.” Jared smirked as he hugged Evan from behind.

Oh god, what had he done.

More Like Her

A/N: Sorry this request took so long! It’s been pretty chaotic around here for a few days so I’ve been trying to focus on more of my original stuff. <3

Request: Can you do a fic to Miranda lambert should of been more like her song? With any pairing of Misha, Jared, or Jensen? Basically she was dating one of them and then she sings this song because they just announced their engagements?

Pairing: Jared x Reader

Warnings: angsty fluff

Word Count (after lyrics): 821

Originally posted by adaav

She’s beautiful in her simple little way

She don’t have too much to say when she gets mad

You’d been playing your guitar for the last thirty minutes or so, singing sad songs as you sat on a table in a room that was just off of the green room. You didn’t know what it was about Jared, why you still loved him so much after breaking up with him; an entire two years prior to him announcing his engagement today.

She understands, she don’t let go of anything

Even when the pain gets really bad

I guess I should’ve been more like that

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Bruises and Bitemarks

I blame @asreoninfusion for getting me hooked (again) on the vampire trope. This was created after rereading her fic Bite Me and her manga link to Blood Bank.

Chapter 1

… . .

Sephiroth scowled down at the report Tseng had set in front of him. Genesis was lounging on his office couch, the picture of ease, though his stillness gave away his attention on the matter. Angeal leaned against the wall to his right, watching Sephiroth and Tseng with a frown.

“This is the eighth attack in the past two months.”

“Once a week,” Tseng confirmed.

“And you still don’t know what’s causing it?” Sephiroth narrowed his eyes at the Turk.

Keep reading

Act 2 of Dear Evan Hansen thoughts:

  1. Hi Daddy Issues I’m Dad.
  2. Is this how gloves work? All my sports are aquatic, I’ve never touched a baseball glove.
  3. These two lovebirds are too sweet together something terrible must be about to happen
  4. This would be a nice healthy relationship song if it weren’t for the fact that their entire reason for being close is a lie
  5. Now this is how you roast
  6. In perfect three-part harmony
  7. Though these are all valid points, all that this glorious, and it is glorious, roast will achieve is a return of The Anxiety
  8. This comment is perfect “When Jared “Imma write kinky fanfic about a suicide victim” Kleinman is calling you out, you know  you screwed up.” thank you youtube user Sarah Gent for all the good work you do
  9. May I have a moment of silence for Evan Hansen. He’s not dead, I just want to hear his sweet angel voice clearly.
  10. I can hear the tears help they’re my tears too
  11. NO NOt a reprisal I’m already in tears
  12. Hi Daddy Issues I’m Mom
  15. Considering that: Heidi, you’re really good at responding to shocking news.
  16. All I do is cry, for forever. 
Just the Way You Are

Pairing: Non

Characters: Jared, Jensen, Bella, reader

Words: ~1,840 (<– :o this is officially the longest thing I have written.)

Warnings: non really, slight language but nothing else I can think of.

A/N: This is my entry for Kari’s (@thing-you-do-with-that-thing) 6666 challenge. My prompt was Just the Way You Are by Billy Joel. Any mistakes are mine (sorry in advance if I made any.). Specific Positive Feedback is welcome.

*Gifs are not mine

Originally posted by helpimanspnfan

“Hey Sam.” you called without looking up from the drawing you were working on.

“Hey.” he said, coming over to see what you were doing.

You both looked up as Cas popped into the room.

“Where’s Dean?” he asked without saying hello.

“He’s in the-” you stopped as he started giggling. “Seriously guys?” you asked breaking caricature, mock angry,  “That’s the fourth take!”

“Sorry.” Misha said as you fake glared at him.

Looking up at Jared you told him, “Can we please do this without you messing him up? I have homework I need to do.”

“Sorry.” he told you. “I forgot.”

“It’s fine. Lets just finish this?” you asked smiling up at him.

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SPN S5 Watch Notes

I still have some of my original episode reviews to import over from LJ, and now I have officially passed up those reviews. Whoops. But that made me nervous I was just going to start repeating what I’d already said in THOSE reviews, so this one is a tad spotty. 

I’ll be taking a short break after this since I’m going out of town next week. I won’t be starting S6 until I get back. But I MAY have a surprise for you guys in the meantime.

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my favorite parts of dear evan hansen part two

chronological and inconclusive list of my favorite deh moments as someone who has seen the show 5 times in both dc and nyc. other parts can be found here as soon as I make the lists (this is v time consuming)

this list gets kinda personal but it’s my list so 

  • the fact that zoe actually has stars scribbled on the cuffs of her jeans
  • “if i could tell her” is just ONE of the many instances of evan using connor’s voice as his own !! it’s so important!!! it gives you even more insight into evan’s character !!
  • “tell them to eat without me”
  • “is that a button with connor’s face on it”
  • connor murphy memorabilia market
  • it got cut, but jared calling himself papa
  • “she was literally his sister”
  • when connor (i think it’s him) jumps on the bed during disappear
  • even though it tripped me up because of the difference when i saw it in nyc, i like that in disappear (as in some of the other songs) the verbs used are more in the present, more immediate action verbs instead of passive, “maybe/could/would” verbs
  • whenever waving through a window is reprised and the slight lyrics differences /meaning changes when it is & when it’s sung by different characters
  • “he kept calling it the ‘f-word finn’ — nobody else in our class thought of that”
  • cynthia’s heartbreak as a mom whose son didn’t get invited to any bar mitzvahs when he was in middle school / JLT is amazing
  • the seconds of silence followed by haunting music as evan stares at the audience and ties connor’s tie
  • also SIDEBAR there’s so much symbolism in that in evan’s narrative saying that connor helped him up after he fell from the tree, and knowing then more than he’d ever known that he wasn’t alone because even though that event never even happened, in a way connor DID do that for evan, with his death and all and i cry
  • all of You Will Be Found. all of it.
  • “just keep going until you see the sun”
  • when evan drops his notecards it breaks my heart
  • as much as i miss Part of Me, and even though You Will Be Found is really message-y, it’s so important and so eloquent and, for me and so many others, is exactly what i needed to hear when i was a lonely 16-year-old sitting on the floor in my room in tears because it felt like no one cared about me. the dialogue is so powerful and gives me chills just thinking about it.
  • the culmination of harmonizing voices and the internet voices just building
  • “you are not alone.”
  • i remember the first time i saw the show, even before YWBF was in it, what struck me the most was that, even if i felt like i did not have anyone at school who understood or cared about me etc., there were people who understood exactly what i was feeling enough to write/produce/act in an entire show about it meant the world to me. it was the first time i met benj pasek and i went up to him at intermission, in tears, just thanking him (and he was thanking us haha it was quite the love fest)
  • i’d heard the phrase “you are not alone” more times that i could count, and i never really understood its significance until that moment.
I’m Gonna Need Your Loving

Karolina’s Playlist (1k Followers Celebration Challenge)

Prompt: Whole Lotta Love – Led Zeppelin

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Summary: You’re alone at the bunker one night, so you decide to have some fun until an unexpected guest decides to show up.

Word Count: 1841

Warning: fluffy fluff, implied smut, sickness (nothing graphic), very little angst if you squint, Dean being sexy (you need to be prepared for that shit)

A/N: (Y/N/N) = Your Nickname, (Y/F/B) = Your favorite books, Italics = Thoughts, Bold = Lyrics, I do not own Supernatural or the song.

P.S. I had a lot of fun with this challenge. Thanks for letting me take part Kari. I had a lot of fun spending my birthday writing. Hope y’all enjoy <3

Originally posted by dean-sam-winchesterbros

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Part Five: Good to You
Pairing: Jensen Ackles x Reader
Word Count: 
Warnings: Fairly certain the control issues are no longer implied. A bit of cursing. Semi-nakedness towards the end, nothing detailed.


Your name: submit What is this?

Your nickname: submit What is this?

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Help You

Pairing: Jared Padalecki x Reader

Characters: Jared, Jensen, Rob, Richard, Osric

Word Count: 2,343

Warnings: Swearing, fluff, slightly implied sexy times? sorta, a very little bit of angst if you squint

Prompt: After being caught singing in the shower, you are completely terrified to be singing on stage with Louden Swain. With a little help from your friends, you make it by, moving the audience, said friends, and yourself to tears.

A/N: This is for @mrswhozeewhatsis Louden Swain song challenge. My song was ‘Help You’.

Originally posted by damnishelovable

Jared wandered through the shared apartment, calling out your name, only to get no answer. The two of you had to leave for Vancouver Con in just a few hours. He knew you weren’t packed that morning when he left, so he was beginning to worry that you wouldn’t be packed in time to catch the flight. That was when he heard the shower running.

Had you heard the door open, or Jared’s voice, you would’ve immediately stopped what you were doing, but over the loud music playing and the shower stream over your head, you couldn’t hear anything. 

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Beautiful Chaos

Written for @jpadjackles 1K Celebration. Congratulations Bronwyn!  I was assigned Kaleo’s Save Yourself, which is not my preferred genre but I hope it works. I hope y’all like it! A huge thank you to the extraordinary @leatherwhiskeycoffeeplaid, for being my beta on this.

Single Jared AU x Reader (This is my first attempt at writing Jared, be gentle)

Word Count: 1588

Warnings: Mentions of the death of a parent (I think that is all)

(gif not mine, located via google search; credit to the creator)

My name is Y/N. I am a planner. I don’t do rash things. I plan things very carefully. I am not a spontaneous woman. I plan menus for my week. I plan my outfits the night before. I buy toothpaste and toilet paper in advance so I don’t run out. I know where I am going before I get in the car, even if I am not driving. Life without plans encourages chaos. I don’t do chaos. I have rules. I have goals. To achieve those goals, I need plans.

I have spent the better part of my 23 years on this planet planning my life. Since I was a little girl I discovered that everything takes planning. My mother was not a planner, she did everything as she went. I can’t tell you how many times a week I heard her ask “What do you want for dinner?” I wanted to know days in advance what I was having. This made life easier when you only had to make one trip to the grocery store.

My father. Now he was a planner. I have inherited this trait from him, so at least my mother told me so. I don’t remember him much. He died when I was little. But Mother told plenty of stories about him. How he had planned to marry her. How he planned when they would buy their first house, have their first child. How he would get that promotion to buy a bigger house and have more children.

Mother said the only thing he didn’t plan on was dying in a car wreck before my third birthday.  Mother was able to keep the house, because that was something he had planned for.

Here I find myself, twenty years later, standing in front of a tattoo shop. Of course it was planned. I had done my research. I knew what I wanted and where I wanted it. I had even made several trips to peruse through each artist’s portfolio and I knew exactly who would be doing this work. I pushed open the door with purpose and walked inside. I walked to the counter, announced myself and that I was here for an appointment with Jared. I was directed to the small sitting area to wait and was told Jared would be with me soon, he was just finishing up with a client. I could hear music through the sound system. It was calming, not what one would expect in a tattoo shop. I wasn’t familiar with the song, but I liked it. I made a mental note to ask about it before I left.

Just because I had planned this for weeks, even months, didn’t mean I wasn’t nervous. This is my first tattoo. I had never met the artist in person, but I spoke with him on the phone to schedule the appointment and his work spoke volumes. I was checking my emails when I heard a deep voice call my name. 

“Y/N? Hi, I’m Jared. We spoke on the phone. Come on back and let’s get you set up. I have your stencil ready. Thank you for emailing it to me. I think you are going to be pleased with it. I followed your direction just like you asked.” His voice was calm, just like the music.

He wasn’t what I expected. He was gigantic, well over six feet tall. He was wearing a black v-neck tee, the fabric straining over the muscles in his arms, that were covered in ink, beautifully detailed artwork whirling over the tanned, taut skin. From beneath the arm of the shirt, I could see half of what appeared to be a Phoenix, rising from the ashes. It was stunning and I longed to see the rest of it, hear the story behind it.

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