“Are the voices gone now?” Jake asked, running another gentle hand through Landons hair
“Yeah,” The brunet boy smiled “They’re gone.” /For now.. You know they’re still there/
The blond boy smiled back, and He knew He loved him- /of course I loved him/, we’re /married/, after all- He thought. But he knew that if one of them disappeared.. So would the other. And he knew soon enough.. He would. His ‘disappearance’ was inevitable. But the other boys smile was so… Pure that he couldn’t think of that. Not now. Not until it actually happened.
Which was sooner than expected, because as the taller of the two curled up close to him, drawing small circles on his chest, he heard the voices come back… He just hoped this would hurt the other less that it would hurt himself.
“I love you, Lay.” Jake mumbled, and He could hear him falling asleep
“.. I-I love you too, jay.” /Just done expect me here in the morning/.
He had to get out. He had to leave. This wasn’t right. It was wrong.. /Love is not meant for us/The voice hissed. /Yes it is! No, it’s not. You know it./ Did he? His father.. Everyone had told him he was a failure. He was wrong, a disgrace to humanity. He just wanted attention, and everything they had been through was lust and not /love/. Because love was meant for a boy and a girl. Jake, to Landon’s very wide body of knowledge, was not a girl and the idea they they “Loved” eachother was completely idiotic and /crazy/. /It’s not crazy though.. You’re married.. In l-o-v-e/ none of its true. He was broken, and in need of someone to give him attention, to “love” him, to /please/ him. It was all for needs, all a lie to cover up the harsh cold truth.
He untangled himself from the taller boy gently, feeling a short burst of longing, that was quickly replaced by.. The voiced telling him he was finally doing something right. He was finally being /good/. Finally being the person his father had always secretly hoped he would be.
Jake stirred, opening his eyes and Landon froze.
“Lay, w-where are you going?” He asked, trying to hide his worry.
“I have to go, Jake. I’m so sorry.” /No you’re not/
“N-no.. Remember what I said? Don’t let them get to you.” He said quickly, voice shaking and tears stinging at his eyes
“They already have.”
“No, Landon. They have–”
“Were.. We’re over. This is through. Done. Goodbye, Jacob.” Landon turned, opening the door
“No! Landon.. What about- what about everything? Us? Matt? Our plans for the future?” Jake asked more loudly, reaching out for him
“We’ve always been lying to ourself,” he stepped out of the door “all of it. It’s all been for lust, and our own needs. We just wanted attention and for someone to love and care for us. Except the idea of "love” we had was fake to cover up the lie of /us/. Don’t you see? /We/ were never real.“ he looked up face straight, and close to emotionless. "And I’m so sorry that you can’t see past that.”
Jake was angered; heartbroken and utterly confused, among /many/ other things- but at the moment /very/ angered.
“How can you say /any/ of that?! How can you tell yourself, much less out loud to /me/ that everything was fake and lust and and /not freaking real/?!”
He stated at Jake, blinking once. “Because it wasn’t.” And with that, he left.
Jake wondered how no one had come to see what was going on yet, and e fellto the ground, his body shaking with sobs.
“D-don’t go.. Please c-come back..” he begged to nothing, nervously standing up and stumbling back to his room.
/If you disappear, so do I./
He lost everything that mattered. /You have your family/ They aren’t enough. Landon saved you. Without him…
“I’m gone.” he whispered, digging through his bedside table drawer. He found what he needed, making all of the old scars look new, relishing in the feel of fire against skin.
Soon he could no longer tell the diifference between old and new, and the heat wasn’t enough. He had never done the other before but… If he was disappearing, why not go out with a bang?
He pressed the metal to the unscarred flesh on his other arm, feeling a rush of an indescribable feeling.
He heard people moving and talking and - /wow/ had it only been a matter of minutes since it all happened?- apparently it had.
He payed no attention, however, and continued to mark the skin, watching it from a pale white to a dazzling red.
“Jake, open the door, /now/!” he heard Jeff almost growl.
He didn’t reply, moving to make the last cut. The cut that would end it all. Ha. Funny.
“You will not do that.” Jeff said, practically tackling him as he finally got the door opened.
Jake saw a glimpse of nick holding Matt before tears clouded his vision.
“Just let me get it over with! I don’t like It anymore! I just want to go!” he sobbed, struggling against his grip
Jeff carried him into a different room, motioning for Nick to get the first aid kit.
“Let me go! Just let me d-do it!” he cried, still fighting Jeff’s tight grip. “Just let me do what I want to.”
“What about Matt? Or me? Or-Or Jer and Jason- What about /everyone/?”
Jake couldn’t reply, as he had been taken over by sadness, and resorted to falling limp into Jeff’s arms, letting them wrap his arms.
Maybe Landon just needed time, and he had only disappeared. Maybe he would silence the voices, and come back, and him and name could be together.