So I thought now would be a good time as any to properly introduce myself. The parts of my personality that I distil and compress into these posts is barely the tip of the iceberg of my actual existence, so I have reached the epiphany that I should introduce myself in the most effective and efficient way as humanly possible; by creating a list.
So BEHOLD! The definitive list of everything about me, in a factual and easy to understand format!
My name is James.
When buying new shoes I have to look for thing available in sizes between 10 and 12.
I am a student at Bournemouth University
I am studying Media Production
I drink quite a lot of tea. Like, LOADS of the stuff.
Recently I discovered that I quite enjoy drinking tea black. First thing in the morning I would rather drink it with some kind of milk-esque substance in, but not milk because…
I am currently mostly vegan. I’m not getting rid of my leather jackets though, because leather jackets are really cool and stuff.
I have eaten some meat over the last few months; eating out and being vegan is really fucking difficult when I’m back in my home, because everything is covered in Bovril.
I quite enjoy constructing IKEA furniture. It’s therapeutic.
So is washing up. As long as it’s my own washing up. I’m not washing up other peoples washing up because it’s their washing up and they should wash up their own washing up because I’m not their mum.
I’m trying to avoid beer and cider at the moment. I’ve got a bit of a fatty over the last few months, and I’m mostly blaming that on beer and cider being the only vaguely reasonably-priced thing in Dylan’s Bar.
I was 16.5 stone a few years ago. I shedded all the weight by eating less awful food and getting of my fat arse and doing walking and running.
I wouldn’t mind going walking/running again now, but don’t have the enthusiasm when it’s as pissing cold as it is now.
On this day I am wearing a burgundy shirt. I have not donned this particular shirt in a few weeks. It is quite warm. Actually warmer than most of the jumpers I have been wearing recently.
I genuinely love the sound of my own voice.
Plus I’m fucking hilarious.
During my time on earth I have hosted a few radio shows; some of which have been on actual radio stations.
During these, to break up the music, I would look out of the nearest window in the studio and provide the listeners with a rubbish traffic report.
This evolved into a weather report, as I decided there was more to talk about than just counting how many Vauxhall Novas drove passed the road through the Walsall industrial estate the studio was situated in.
After a long hiatus, due to popular demand I brought the weather reports back, making it an internet-based… thing. It was moderately popular, but very well received.
I used to actually DJ in clubs and stuff. I was quite good.
I packed it all in though, when I was getting quite good bookings, because there just wasn’t enough people making music that I could get away with playing out, and I was too lazy to make things myself.
My home town, Rugeley, is a small rural market town in Staffordshire. The town center is a collection of charity shops and travel agents. We finally got a McDonalds a couple of years ago. The town has gone downhill since.
I still quite like it though. its a weird place - it’s shit, but it knows it is shit. It accepts it, and doesn’t try to be something that it’s not. I find that quite endearing.
I have moved around quite a bit over the years. I have lived in Rugeley, Tamworth, Hastings, Tamworth, and now Poole. I have also been to other places, for various lengths of time.
I have never watched a whole episode of The Apprentice.
Nor have I seen all of Bambi, The Goonies, the 3rd Hangover film, or Taken 2.
I should probably watch Inception again. First time I watched it I didn’t like it. I just thought it was a bit over the top and overcomplicated just for the sake of it. Now the hype has died down I may give it another go.
I quite like editing video. I thought I’d hate it, as it’s quite similar in process to audio production, but I find it much easier to not get distracted by fucking around with things.
I enjoy making lists.
I’m regretting picking such a large number now.
I am bad at other languages. I did French and German at school, but can’t remember much of it.
I have a vague understanding of Latin. That’s quite useful both for making up words and for guessing what a word means.
I enjoy making up words. I think it’s really, really, really… good.
Radiators are weird, aint they. I think there must be a better design for them, but the radiator industry is repressing anything more effective for some reason (probably money).
The colder months of the year are quite good, because it means I can layer up, and wear a scarf without looking like some kind of prick who wears a scarf when it’s 10+ degrees (temperature, not the angle) outside.
I can’t remember how to effectivly make websites any more. I used to make websites quite a while back, but can no longer remember.
I have got to the age where I now need to wee quite regularly.
I am 29 years old.
I will be 30 in September.
My birthday is happening on a Tuesday this year.
I usually do the pub quiz at Dylan’s Bar on Tuesdays. We have a different team name most weeks. We have won once. we had £70 to split between the 6 of us.
I only wrote number 39 because I need a wee. I’ve not gone for a wee yet.
At least an hour has gone by since writing number 44 and I am still in possession of a full bladder.
Quite hungry now too.
I don’t have a particularly hairy back, although I just felt a massive one on one of my shoulder blades. Going to have to tweezer that badboy when I get home.
Actually, I’m more hungry than in need of a wee now.
So far today I have eaten a bowl of Aldi’s cheap equivalent of Shredded Wheat with Rice-coconut milk, a banana, and rhubarb & custard Nakd bar. Nakd bars are quite nice. I thoroughly recommend them.
Quite a few hours have gone by since I wrote #49
I just watched Broadchurch and the first episode of Better Call Saul. They were quite good.
I should probably have a shower and shave before going to bed tonight. My facial hair grows annoyingly thick, meaning I have to shave every few days otherwise it takes about an hour to hack away at my face until hairless.
I’m currently listening to a bit of Bowie. Bowie is cool.
A bit peckish again now.
I’m unsure about how rambly this list is. Not sure how to judge these kind of things any more. I usually find it quite funny taking things past the point of humour until it gets annoying and sticking with it until it gets funny again.
Now regretting #55, as this may have ruined the magic.
I’m hoping that pointing this out will have got people back on my side again. Self-referential comedy is also cool.
I could actually go on forever.
This really isn’t even a list anymore.
I have found myself sat here just typing a stream of consciousness.
I think this may be art. Not proper art, but the kind of art where people ask “is this art?” and can’t decide, but assume it is because they don’t understand it.
I’m occasionally quite immature. I really considered pulling out some “art/fart” wordplay during #61.
I own a whole massive load of DVDs. I probably own every TV show I like on DVD, and a while back was attempting to buy the entire IMDB Top 250 films. I failed a bit, and still have about 190 to go.
I enjoy collecting things. DVDs, Books, etc. That kind of things. Not body parts or Pokemon. I was too old for Pokemon.
Ok, the Pokemon Game Boy games were alright.
I’ve not done any creative writing (for pleasure, rather than for a uni assignment) in bloody ages. I miss it. I should do some more, but too many distractions these days (I blame Netflix).
I am now about to eat a banana. I like bananas.
I should make banana bread again. Shame the kitchen is a state and I’m refusing to clean it because I didn’t make the mess.
I could be considered quite petty sometimes. I don’t care.
I don’t know how to eat cheese in moderation. I think that’s one of the main reasons why going vegan is a good call for me. I had macaroni cheese earlier. With extra cheese in it. I felt awful for ages after.
Gonna try cutting bread out of my diet too. Just gonna survive off of fruit, veg, and nuts, and stuff. Like a squirrel (or slightly larger animal).
Feeling like I should at the very least get this up to 100 now.
They are still facts even if they are just things that I’m thinking.
I should read more books. I go through phases of reading stuff - one month I’ll read a load, but then won’t touch a book at all the next.
I blame not having a bath. I’d usually read in the bath, but seeing as I don’t have a bath I can’t read in the bath here.
I do read in the bath when I go back home to the Midlands though.
I usually have baths that can take up to 1 hour. I make the most of soaking.
I don’t understand the concept of ‘Bath Bombs’.
Why would any normal adult want to exit the bath covered in glitter?!
I got annoyed once because my mum bought me some sun cream. It was a hot day. I applied it liberally all over my body. It had glitter in it. I looked a right prick. Didn’t get sunburn though, so swings & roundabouts, innit.
Relieved that there is only 20 to go. I can milk this. I have that power.
Doubt I’d actually be any good at milking an animal. Bit weird all that though, isn’t it - drinking the liquid that has lactated out of a cow’s boob.
You’d be shunned if you consumed any other liquid that had seeped out of a mammal.
I often over-think things, and push trains of thought past the point of normal thought. Often they derail, but occasionally they will arrive at some kind of station of… something.
My metaphor/simile game is poor tonight.
Quite tired tonight.
I thought of something quite funny to say a few mins ago. No idea what it was now though.
I am now looking around my room for inspiration. Ah. DVDs (again). Right.
Quite apprehensive about the new Yahoo-produced series of 'Community’. Looking forward to it, but hope it’s not plop. The 4th season of Arrested Development done by Netflix was nowhere near as good as the first three seasons. Saying that, Not much could really beat those seasons of Arrested Development; the writing was so amazing whatever happened it would have been hard to beat.
Damnit, I could have probably stretched that last one into at least 2 (if not 3) things. Ah well.
I don’t often regret things, but when I do they are because of my own stupidity.
Found some paint on one of my shoes today. Not sure where it came from. The shoes are suede. I am not best pleased (but the worse of the damage appears to be near the top.
I thought a bird had done a poo on it at first. It’s definitely paint. I checked.
Yeah, really tired now actually.
I want to watch some more House of Cards before going to sleep. I watched the 1st season when that went online, but forgot what happened by the time the 2nd came out so decided to re-watch it. I got 2 episodes in and forgot about it. I am now doing the same thing again.
I did the same with Homeland. Really enjoyed the first few seasons but just forgot what happened and couldn’t be arsed to catch up on stuff.
Going to finally watch The Walking Dead soon too. Taken my time with that one.
Yeah! Almost done!
Well, thanks for reading. I’m impressed if you actually read them all without skimming. I… probably wouldn’t have done if this was your blog. Just being honest.