when he looks away

huge, huge thank you to by beta best friend for reading this, encouraging me to write more and actually post some of it; and of course @roxanncweasley and @jiilys, my writing idols, for unconciously inspiring me with their own fantastic work;

He’s all you notice at this point.

In class, when your not long ago ‘best friend’ shots a parky comment at him. He wants to talk back, you can see it. He wants to, he needs to defend himself, his friends, those like you. He can’t stand him, it’s clear as day. That vein on his neck is pulsing like crazy. His hands are fists now. He picks his head up and you gasp at the rage in his stare. You sees his eyes shot fast in your direction and in a second they’re soft again and it’s like he suddenly acknowledges he’s in a classroom with twenty other students, all watching him, all expecting the fight. He slowly unscrews his hands and flats them on the desk; they’re trembling. You sigh. His head is lowered again, Remus wispering something rapidly in his ear. He nods in approval, the corners of his mouth twitch. Mr Binns goes on. A few minutes later you catch his eye and, he smiles.

In the library, on a table in the opposite corner of the room, where they’re sitting, trying to dull their laughs as Madam Pince walks by, all staring at a piece of pegament. You can’t really tell from here but it seem like whatever’s on it is moving. Remus is extending a hand and shaking his with a tempered smile that reaches his eyes. Pettigrew is clapping him on the back, grin splattered all over his features. Black grabs his face and mockingly tries to kiss him. He laughs and pushes him away, a sly smile on his lips and she can almost hear him say ‘not here pads, there are people watching! I know I’m so charmingly handsome, but please contain your urges!’. His smile is bigger than his face as he shrugs and explains something to the rest, hands gesticulating as he speaks. There’s so much pride in his eyes he looks like he might just explode. He gases at you and stops talking what looks like midsentence. The others turn around to look at you; Remus waves, Black winks playfully and Pettigrew just shakes his head. His smile doesn’t leave his face as he takes one of Remus’s chocolate bars and throws it at you. You catch it the last second, look at him and smile back. As he returns his attention to the pergament you can swear you see reddness creeping its way towards his face.

On the pitch on a sunny Friday afternoon right after classes while he’s loosening his tie as the eight of you sit on the freshly cut grass, Marlene in Black’s, Sirius’s, he demands, lap. Dorcas pulls out two bottles of vodka her sister mailed her and takes a bold sip from one, trowing the other at Peter. Screw dinner, you think. Screw the rules. Soon everyone is laying in a big mess of tangled legs and arms and hair, laughing at everything and nothing at all, forgetting for a moment. The late april wind blows in his hair, making it even messier than it is, making it look like he’d just shagged, making you want to shag him but really you’re just drunk, you tell yourself. His glasses are crooked and dirty but his eyes are sparkling and his smile is lopsided and he looks like he’s drunk on pure liquid joy, no diluent. You look at his long delicate fingers, knuckles bloody from Tuesday when the Blacks’ family owl delivered Sirius a letter and his fist almost made a hole in the commor room wall. You look at his sneakers, covered in mud as if he’s been running in the Forbidden Forest for two nights straight. You look at his muscles under the rolled sleeves of his shirt, his tan skin, the purple and blue veins underneath. You look at his eyes. They’re looking too. Shit, you think, but his eyes don’t tear from yours and you can’t make yourself look away. He’s all you can see and you both don’t notice that Marlene and Sirius are long gone, probably in the now empty boy dorm doing Merlin knows what or that Mary and Dorcas are kissing and giggling unnoticed a few meters away or that Remus and Peter are now walking around the pitch trying to clear their heads and be at least a little bit responsible. No, all you notice is each other and the stars in his eyes and the flowers in you hair and your love. And sure, it is a little reckless and a little dangerous, and there really isn’t anything, but it’s okay cause you won’t remember it tomorrow morning, right? All of a sudden something bubles inside of you and your smile turns into laughter because how could i be so oblivious and there’s clearly something, there’s everything and you realise why your stomach is always in knots when he’s around and why your troat tightens when he gives you one of his shit eating grins and of course. Of course I’m in love! He’s starts laughing next to you on the hard ground too and your eyes fill themselves with tears as the sunset sky opens and swallows you both.

In the common room, in the little hours, when even the wind is silent, the fireplace is long cold and you’re sitting alone in the armchair next to the window, trembling, thinking how fucked up the world truly is. You hear his tiptoes on the old stone stairs of his dormitory carrying the history of so many other lives before yours. He yawns and stretches his lean arms over his head, but you don’t turn around. You hope he won’t notice you there, that he’ll simply get his forgotten charms essay from the table near the fireplace and go back to bed. ‘Lily!’ you hear him inhale shortly and then… he’s gone. You want him to be but you can’t help feel a little dissapointed after all. You’ve told yourself so many times not to think abot him that way, to accept it’s pointless, that he doesn’t love you anymore, and even if he did what’s the point, it would never work out, not now. But it’s still hard and you know it will always be. You feel a blanket around your shoulders and you abruptly turn around to face him. He’s looking down at you with worry in his eyes and a line between furrowed brows. You open your mouth to say something, anything. ‘Don’t.’ He’s wispering. ‘You don’t have to explain. I know.’ He sighs and sits on the armrest, looking out of the window. You turn back towards it and lean your head on his arm. ‘When did everything become so complicated.’ It’s not a question. More of a statement, an unheard plead for things to go back the way they were, to normal. He signs again, harder this time, louder. He seeks your green, green eyes, stares deep into them, almost like he’s at loss of words. Almost like he’s lost himself in them.

You’re breathless.


The above mural was painted by James Huberty’s father, Earl, in his local church and when describing the scene, he related the black sheep to his son.

“I painted 11 white sheep and a good shepherd there patting one on the head and I painted a black sheep walking away from the flock. I thought to myself that one is going to be in trouble, and I was thinking of Jim.”


Marauder era characters with favourite emojis and quotes
James Potter - Aaron Taylor-Johnson
Remus Lupin -Andrew Garfield
Sirius Black - Ben Barnes
Lily Evans - Karen Gillan
Mary Mcdonald - Georgie Henley
Marlene Mckinnon - Cassie Scerbo
Severus Snape - Louis Garrel
Lucius Malfoy - Alex Pettyfer
Regulus Black - Jaco van de Hoven
Bellatrix Black (Lestrange) - Helena Bonham Carter
Andromeda Black (Tonks) - Keira Knightley
Narcissa Black (Malfoy) - Natalie Dormer


you guys LMM’s Tan Sweater was on Carpool Karaoke [x]

Really fluffy wolfstar drabble for anon’s birthday (this was months ago sorry sorry sorry !!! enjoy lovely anon <3)

Remus hummed at the sound of the music coming out of the muggle club, looking around himself dreamily. Lily was already jumping on her spot and waving her hands in the air in rythm with the beats that made the melody. Remus chuckled when James made a comment about her being drunk and earned a slap across the head. He watched Peter point a spot above them and tell Mary that the only constellation he can recognize in the sky looks like a pan. Mary laughed so hard that it made Peter smile, and Remus had never seen him smile so widely.


Remus glanced at James with raised eyebrows.

“What? You weren’t answering!” James smirked, “Any idea where the diva is?”

“I don’t know, maybe he’s stuck in traffic?”

“Ah, I thought you’d know, since you were looking for him just now…”

“No i wasn’t. I was contemplating.”

“Sure… Ah, talk about the wolf !”

Something roared behind Remus. He turned around just as the big motorbike stopped sharp in front of them. Sirius pulled his helmet off and somehow his hair were still flawless, as his he had created a spell just for these kind of issues. He wore the kind of lazy smile James and Lily sometimes have on their face when they finally come out of their room, and there was still this glow in his eyes, as if he was constantly on climax. Everyone, everyone was looking at him, because he was a star and he knew it. 

“Merlin, Padfoot, why d’you always have to make it squeak everytime you stop somewhere?” James asked exasperatedly.

“Can’t help it if everytime i’m on top it makes ‘em squeak.”

Remus stiffened when Sirius’ gaze shifted on him.

“Alright, Moony?”

Remus nodded and swallowed hard. When the little groupe made its way in the club, Remus felt like his pants were growing tighter.

Dorcas Meadowes died bloody and fighting a war she’d never see the end of.
Marlene McKinnon went down in flames with the rest of her family.
Mary McDonald passed away gasping for air as the inside of her lungs turned red.
Lily and James Potter were killed in their homes so they could protect their son.
Sirius died with a smile on his face and stumbling backwards just like he’d had done in life.
Peter died thinking of the two friends he sent off to die.
And Remus died alone in a battle that had wore him down to nothing over the years.

All these options and they chose to whitewash.
Because of the non-diverse, non-inclusive, whitewashed casting of POC, we have decided to dreamcast a brand new production of The Prince of Egypt!

Moses- Adam Jacobs

Ramses- Christopher Jackson

Tziporrah- Cynthia Erivo

Aaron- Daveed Diggs

Miriam- Alysha Deslorieux

Huy- Aziz Ansari

Hotep- James Monroe Iglehart

Yocheved- Ciara Renee

Pharaoh- Norm Lewis

Queen Tuya- Audra McDonald

There. You see? Brilliant and talented actors who can play these parts wonderfully! And guess what? This cast isn’t whitewashed! If the Broadway powers that be would just open their eyes, the theatre world would be a brighter place!