House: I’m sorry. I know I didn’t try to kill her. I know I didn’t want her hurt. I know it was a freak accident. But I feel like crap, and she’s dead because of me. Wilson: I don’t blame you. I wanted to. I tried to. I must have reviewed Amber’s case file 100 times to find a way. But it wasn’t your fault. House: Then we’re okay? I mean, I know you’re not, but… Maybe I can help. Wilson: We’re not okay. Amber was never the reason I was leaving. I didn’t want to tell you because… because I was trying, like I always do, to protect you. Which is the problem. You spread misery because you can’t feel anything else. You manipulate people because you can’t handle any kind of real relationship. And I’ve enabled it. For years. The games, the binges, the middle-of-the-night phone calls. I should have been the one on the bus, not —You should have been alone on the bus. If I’ve learned anything from Amber, it’s that I have to take care of myself. We’re not friends anymore, House.
Everytime I see someone say “I’ve been watching you guys since (something from long time ago), thanks for (memories and old stuff)” to anyone from CowChop, I feel like I don’t deserve to be a fan because I just found James and Aleks this year and I wasn’t there with all the old memories, sad or happy.
That not being there when James “retired” for awhile or seeing “Immortal” become Aleks with the face reveal makes me think that I’m not really part of this family, community or whatever.
I know CowChop still has a future, a time in the far future I can say “I was a fan since “educational STD penis vid” or “The CowChop House” and make people remember the good old times but right now I feel like I wasn’t there for a large part of these guys careers and I should just give up on being a fan because I can’t connect to James, Aleks and the guys like all of the really old fans.