james was gone everything was gone and it hit sebastian like a train

Night Terrors

a/n: just something I thought of while studying and decided to write it instead of studying. First post of my writing on here sorry if it sucks. I’d love feedback so I can get better and open to request.

Bucky Barnes x Plus size!reader

Word Count: 586

Warnings: none I think

     Summary: Bucky has a nightmare about reader so he decides to check up on her.

Bucky woke up sweating and breathing heavily. He sighed and put his in hands grabbing at his hair and tugging lightly. It had been months since he last experienced a night terror. He thought they had stopped for good until tonight.

It started usually with him being locked up in a cage and tied up against a wall, masked men continuously hitting him with anything that would leave a mark. But this time it was different he wasn’t the one being tortured, it was you. The person he managed to feel something so deeply for that he himself didn’t understand it.

There was something addicting about you that made Bucky’s stomach twirl, like a goddamn ballerina. And he hated it, he hated the fact that he was a goddamn super soldier. Gone through intense training used for both good and evil. And you made him feel like a giddy school girl.

Even worse was seeing you in his night terror all tied up, helpless, close to the brink of death. Bucky didn’t want to be dramatic but he would’ve rather died than to go back to sleep. If it meant that his dream would replay over and over again until sleep was once again foreign concept to him. 

Instead, he stood up and decided to check up on you, just so he can ease his thoughts. As he exited his room and walked down the hallway that the lead to your room. Bucky’s pulse quickened, something that he still hadn’t gotten used to. But you see all these feelings he had were weird a new experience if you will. None of the girls had been with a long time ago (a very long time ago) had made Bucky feel the way had been feeling for months. 

Often times he would lie awake on his bed thinking that maybe everything that had happened to him was faith bringing them together. That if God had a way of knowing his life story before it even happening and written it down. Everything he had seen, done and gone through was for a reason. Although he would soon discredit phenomenon because damn God for him go through so much. 

But as he stood in front of your door he found himself wondering that maybe the reason he was trying so hard to ignore; was this. Him awake at three in the morning standing in front of the door of the women he had helplessly fallen for. 

“When did I become such a wuss,” Bucky whispered to himself as he grabbed a hold of the door handle. He turned it slowly trying to be as discreet as possible, but his attempt to be silent failed since the door creaked horribly. But Bucky continued with his self-assigned mission, he wasn’t going to leave until he knew that you were okay. He managed to open the door without waking you up.

Bucky looked down at you as you slept peacefully, blankets wrapped around her body (at least five the tower was an igloo) hugging what seemed to be a stuffed animal of a turtle.

And despite the slight snores that were escaping your full lips. Bucky thought he was experiencing the most beautiful sight in the world. He wanted nothing more than to lay down next to you and hold your body in his arms. He wanted your eyes to be the first thing he’d see every morning.

But for now, Bucky quietly exited the room and walked back to his. Maybe he would try sleeping again knowing that you were safe and sound. 

Requested: Never Forget / Bucky Barnes x Reader

Request:  Can you do a Bucky x reader with 5, 28, and 49? Thanks!!!

If you’d like to request something yourself here’s my ask! Requests? Open!

Here is my two prompt lists if you want to request one from there: Prompt One / Prompt Two also My Masterlist - Bucky/Seb Masterlist

Warnings? VERYFluffY / Angst(kinda)/CUte/Sad?IDK!

People: Reader / Bucky Barnes

The letter came in the mail two weeks ago, but it still remained unopened on the kitchen table. You couldn’t do it. Opening up something that was written by him…
The memories still crushed her heart and burnt her brain whenever she thought about anything- even something remotely near Bucky Barnes. She should’ve known, she should’ve been prepared… but love blinds you from the tragedies ahead; leaving you only shocked, and horrified when they happen.

The complex was quiet, it was nice. You should have stayed there. But here you are, barred to the wall with a straight jacket on and handcuffs binding you from ever reaching anything three feet from your body.

No emotion ran across your face when Clint’s voice rang out in the cells circular area.
“Well, well, well. Lookie here! He’s back again! The man with a plan, the one who knows all; he sees the future and beholds the infinity of wisdom!”

Stark huffed out an inarguable sigh, he fucked himself and everyone over, big time.
“I messed up, Barton… Okay? I thought what I was doing was right for the first, god. Damn. A moment in my life - I thought I was getting it right. Of course, like all of the endings to my trivials, I wasn’t doing anything but hurting the ones I care about the most.”
You couldn’t see Clint’s face but you heard him mumbling over Tony’s voice, so presumably, y
But I’ll tell you one thing, I’ll be damned if I see you all in here one more minute longer. Now we have ten minutes to get  to the jet, it’ll take you to T’Challa’s home. But you need to run!” The cells suddenly came unhinged and opened with air pressure dispersing all around. Creating almost a fog.

You saw everyone race out of their areas, except you. Even Wanda who had been unleashed from her bindings was gone by the time Tony reached your cell. Staring ahead, you let the tears roll down your face; seeing each one abandon you for a jet to a ‘safe house’.

Did they all forget you were chained to the wall? Did they forget the drugs they made you take to keep you docile enough? Every day you’d have a hissy fit with the nurses as they tried getting you to eat. But all you could do was scream his name in hopes of somehow having him save you and take you home. Back to Brooklyn, where your cozy little apartment laid, untouched by neither you or Bucky.

  “Bucky! Bucky, please! Pl-eth, get off of me, ow. No!” They force fed you, because of your refusal to eat what they served. They used a method where they injected a fluid of all vital nutrients you needed to live inside your veins. It hurt like hell and burned all day long.

But nothing would hurt worse than the memory of seeing him gone. Leaving you behind as he took off to Siberia with Steve.

“Hey, hey,” Crooned Tony as he rushed in, seeing you in your drugged up, locked state. Finally moving, you rolled your sunken in eyes up to his and shook your head.
Your voice had become raspy from all the screaming you’d done before they came in and gave you a high dosage of morphine, knocking you on your ass and out of your damned mind. “I’m not going to make it. Go… Help them to safety.” If you didn’t already look broken, you sure sounded like it now.

A Stark never gave up, though. Tony was lasering off your chains before your brain could even process the motions of him moving down to kneel next to you. Everything was delayed in your mind and eyes.

The next time you opened them; an armed forces leader had appeared. A light that was too white for your sun-deprived eyes to stand was shot from Tony’s arm, he must’ve turned on his suit cufflinks before entering the underwater prison you so lovingly had called home for the past three weeks.
A confusion crossing your fading mind about who the red shining coating of paint that hugged you tightly, belonged too. That was until you looked up and saw your safe keeper- Iron Man, himself. Tony left with you dizzy in his arms and a break in his heart.

The next time you opened your eyes, Wanda was there. Oh, how you loved Wanda. She was your age, but she could carry this sense of motherly love; nurturing, I guess. It was a feeling like no other, especially when she enhanced it. Her face became a lighthouse for your foggy mind’s ship to sail to.
Caressing your head as it laid in her lap, she was trying to untangle the nest that was your long dark hair. It hadn’t been brushed for three weeks, nor was it washed. The tendrils that once bounced on your shoulders when you ran alongside your team now clumped together in oily strands of tangles. Wow- what a metaphor for the Avengers family right now, huh?  
  You remembered her smiling at you, and telling you it was okay in slow, soft strokes to your face. She was talking in hushed tones that Tony was taking you away. Saying that he got the whole team, even  Lang, and we were all on a small compact jet heading towards a hideout.

Wanda warmed her hand to make it feel like a motherly touch when she held your cheek. So warm, loving, caring. She held you whilst telling you the plan all along that Tony had created. She spoke quietly but didn’t turn her voice into hushed tones until she spoke out, “He’s awake. He’s ready.” A smile appeared on your face before another Morphine kick hit you in the head. Knocking you out cold for a good six hours. Long enough to reach T’Challa’s mansion and get you medical attention and help for the whole team as well. We’d been treated like criminals, we’d been treated like we never did anything but our jobs: trying to save the world when it needed us most.

Waking up this time you saw that your world was no longer hazy, no loud ringing was heard in your ears. There was only the beeping of your heart monitor. You liked hearing it, though. You liked how it picked up pace as you thought of your Bucky, ready for a new world.

A new life; free of the darkness implanted in his brain. A new life with you.

He came to see you five days later, that should’ve been the first clue. “Y/N?” He asked, his questionable tone should’ve set off alarms straight away.

“Bucky!” Your heart monitor picked up its pace quite fast as you saw his clean shaven face and freshly cut hair. He looked like the pictures Steve use to show you, he looked like James Buchanan Barnes again.

Just a boy from Brooklyn.

He spoke softly to you when he showed no signs of acknowledging you. Bucky apologized like a gentleman at first. One, for not seeing you as soon as you arrived, and two… for not knowing who you were.

He didn’t know how to break your heart as gently as one could. How does one say they don’t remember their Fiance? That they never remembered even meeting them or even their name?

Sure, Bucky Barnes was at your side, physically. Mentally, he was back to the man he thought died on that freight train in 1938.

Your breath was heavy and irregular as he spoke, the news just wouldn’t sink in. He didn’t even know… one single thing about me? After two years of being together, and four years of fighting to keep him safe within HYDRA… all that gone.

“I’m so sorry… but it was the only way for them to.. get them out of my mind. I mean, I don’t remember even Steve being that… tall.”

His eyes wandered off, looking into his own past as you laid on your hospital bed, toying with your engagement ring Bucky gave you back after you had arrived at the hospital. When you had finally become conscious again, the nurses gave you your ring. Alongside your clothing and any items that they could collect from the old compound.

Most of those items were photo’s, or dumb little trinkets or rocks that brought you peaceful memories of your time with your Bucky. You never were a materialistic person. You liked memories and the tiny things that brought you back to those moments in time. Not things that were bought because they were priced higher or made with better materials than others.

The ring was something you both picked out together back in 2014 right after he’d gotten down on his knee on a very cold December night. Right on the corner where he’d ‘bumped’ into you and made you ‘spill your bags’ back in Bucharest.

He had no clue who you were now, that moment, along with so many others; had been wiped all away in order to bring back the real Bucky Barnes, the Sergeant of the 107th. You’d heard all the lovely stories of his old friends, the Howling Commandos. He was becoming himself again, the first few years after he escaped from HYDRA. That was also the year he’d met you, confiding in you immediately when you told him you knew, and you weren’t afraid. Being afraid of him was his number one concern for you back then. He feared you’d wake one night and he’d be choking you or trying to murder you from a bad night’s sleep. Those demons were hushed just by your soothing voice, and hands wrapped around his waist.

This was all before they took him again. Right out of your arms and into the devil’s hands. Now that the devils were gone, though, you were left with half the man your ex-fiance use to be. “I should remember someone as lovely as-”

“Stop.” You whispered, tightly.

Tears forming in your eyes as you fiddled with your fingers. For some reason, Bucky remembered that he had told someone about the Commandos a lot, never knowing that the 'someone’ was you until now.  

Here he is, though, trying to give you the speech that I was too lovely to forget. I thought bitterly to myself as he tried to make an excuse, 'how could someone forget me? I don’t know, James… it seems like they clearly found the algorithm for that.’  
For the inevitably only way out of HYDRA was leaving the years of me behind. Leaving everything that happened, behind, before he could move on. Restarting back to 1938.

“I don’t need to hear that speech, Bu-… Just, go. Please. I-I can’t hear any more of this. I get it, you don’t know me. Please-” You let out a sob when a warm hand touched the ring on your finger unexpectedly.  “Did I…”

“Yes! Now leave, please! Unless you’d like to add more of how I’m nothing to you now then I beg you,” With a deep breath you pointed at your hospital room door.

“Leave, and do not come back unless you’ve remembered. I’m betting now that I won’t be seeing you again… so here’s some letters you wrote.”

Sniffling, you handed him a small stack of love letters he had sent you throughout the beginning stages of your relationship. They were short, sweet and were written just like a foolish teen in love.

He reluctantly took the letters which broke you even more.

He didn’t even want to try to remember you.

You mumbled the last spoken words to you’ve said to him since, right as he left your room. They stuck with him like gum on a shoe. He couldn’t scrape away the tone of your heart getting ripped to shreds by him. He heard it within the hatred laced voice you had for him. Your voice became so sinister sounding when you felt broken like your voice lost the vibrancy it once had. The tears caused your voice to lower so drastically….

“I can’t miss you more than I do right now. At this very moment.”

He remembered that. But he didn’t remember you. He’d never remembered you, so you forgot him. Letting go of his heart trying to keep your’s safe was like ripping the scotch tape off your hair, either slow or fast; it was going to hurt like hell.

That was until the letter arrived in your mailbox, today. His handwriting sent a cold chill down your back.

Two years and he still had that power over you. And you hated him for that.

It was time, time to open the letter, time to forgive him for something he needed to do in order to be the real James Barnes, not the tortured-souled Bucky Barnes I met- what felt like- so long ago.. You knew this was what was best for him, but that didn’t help your aching heart.

Bucky’s POV

He knew what was best for himself now. You were the one thing he couldn’t have to make him happy and for that, he felt an ache in his heart. As he saw your photo’s scattered along the wall of Steve’s apartment.

Steve never let you go, even when you went off the grid. He held onto the one person that kept him from going insane during the years of searching for Bucky and serving for the Avengers in alien wars and machines coming to life.
Steve was coming out of a time where television getting color wasn’t even invented yet.

He mad sure you were alright once in a month. When Bucky kept seeing your face appear all over Steve’s home, he started to hurt in his chest whenever he’d come ‘home’ to his apartment.
Where he didn’t see your face along the walls in his apartment. It was right next door to Steve’s, but it was empty.
Except for a few paintings Wanda had given him, a nice sofa and television set Tony gave him, (yeah, a Stark can forgive after all. Funny, huh?) and some dish and silverware Natasha and Clint gave him to start his own life again.
He knew the letter must’ve arrived at your home now. Steve had dropped it off, knowing you didn’t want Bucky to have any idea where you were. You wanted to be gone from his new life. What he’d written in that letter Bucky still remembered very clearly. Like he had just written it still, with the ink not even dry yet.  

 “Dear (Y/N),
I know you may rip this up and never even read the first word but it’s worth a shot to write to you. You deserve to know. You deserve so much than just to know, actually. I know I said I didn’t remember you, and that was true- at the time. Things have changed, my mind is remembering happiness again, not just my teenage years of being with Steve and my friends in the 107. But being happy with you. You kept appearing, in everything I did. It was like I had an empty spot waiting to be filled all the time.
  I’d come home and for some reason expect to see you typing your report’s away. Or to see you cleaning while listening to Sinatra. But I just came home to a missing household.

I remember you, (Y/N). I remember your touch. Your kiss and your smile. I miss it all, every day. I really do. It’s been so long since we’ve seen each other face to face. I know we left on horrible terms so I’ll leave this shitty letter with a question, maybe you’ll answer and I’ll be forever grateful or you may choose to not. It’s up to you, my little duckling. Do you still love me like you use too?

I know that the insurmountable amount of love I have for you is still in my heart, waiting for you to unlock it when I see you- if I see you again.

With all my love and more,
Your ‘Canonball

He remembered the nickname he gave you. He remembered the endings to the love letters he wrote to you at the start of your relationship… he remembered the nickname you gave him since he was such a stubborn hot head and blew up like a cannonball when he became angry/jealous/ or threatened.
He hated that nickname, but also loved it solely on the basis that you had given it to him. You gave him everything you had and more.

You did the courteous thing to do when a man sends you a letter; a response. It hurt like hell writing every sentence, every single word. But this was way overdue. Your words were to be said a long time ago; if only you’d gotten the chance instead of being locked up in a facility.

You gave it a shot, though - the letter. What harm would a letter impose on him if you wrote back, telling him how you feel? You deserved that, at least.
Maybe even more.

Dearest James,
I read your letter and yes, I wanted to tear it to shreds. I wanted to burn it when I saw your blessed sloppy handwriting of my name across the envelope. But I had to know what two years of you, being you again, had to say to me. I have my answer for your question, my love. I always did.
That answer is yes, I will always be in love with you. But I can’t see you, James Barnes. I’m writing this in painful, honest truth. Because I can’t bear to lie to myself anymore. I have ached for years whether to forgive and forget the loss of your memory in me. I have tried so hard, my love. But I can’t say that with will honestly, I believe you.  I can’t trust you anymore. You are not my Bucky, you are your own Bucky. That is a beautiful thing, and I can’t wait to see the good you do in the world.
You must forget me, please.
I know you spent two years trying to remember but if you forgot me once, and didn’t even bother giving me a second of staying there in that hospital room with me, trying to remember…then I can’t love you with all my heart.
I will always remember you, James. But I will always remember a different James, one who had fits in the night and needed to be coddled in the darkest hours of his days. You are not him, I don’t know what you are anymore. But I would love to see you as your own again. Just from afar.

My love,
Never forget me and the moons and stars we stared at. Never forget the one star that will always be ours, the one that holds the places you and I live in almost every night… keeping us safe from the nightmares you faced.

If you really, truly remember every detail in the time we shared.

Never forget our star. Never forget our love. Never forget the love we had.
I know I won’t, I never did.

Maybe this is wrong, maybe I’m doing this out of spite. I can’t answer that baby, and I’m so sorry that this is the letter I have to have returned to you. But- if you would like too…

I would love to meet James Buchanan Barnes, born on March 11, 1917. I would love to see how he is, after all, the trouble he has been through. I am free on Thursday, the fourteenth of October, if you remember me then you know that date is my birthday.

If you’d like to meet me, I’ll be at the coffee shop we always went too. The one you forgot. If you remember, I’ll meet you there at 6. If not…

Then I will leave you with one last I love you and one last kiss through my pen.
  I will watch you do amazing things James Barnes, use your life well if we never meet again.
To Jupiter and beyond,

On the corner of 35th Street. He saw you, sitting in your regular attire, reading a book as if nothing was about to change in your life. Nothing significant was about to happen.

That’s how most things in life go, though. You never expect the greatest things to happen in the smallest, even most boring moments of your life.

The book in hand, made him smile from afar. It was the same book you read to him during his nights of endless nightmares keeping him from sleep; Peter Pan by J.M. Barrie. The one book you never stopped loving as a child. The one book he never stopped loving the moment he heard the first sentence cross your lips, ‘All children, except one, grow up.’

Walking over in his most ‘modern day’ outfit that he and Steve could muster together, he tucked away his hands in gloves which thankfully were appropriate for the Romanian winter that hit Bucharest in a blink of an eye.
Too afraid of what you had to say to him, he moved like a sloth to your location. But judging by the smile not just on your lips but in your sparkling eyes when he sat down finally, slipping into the booth seat across from you at your regular table; he knew you weren’t going to smack him with the book like he had predicted you would.

No, no. You even had his normal coffee order all there waiting for him, along with one of his favorite pastries the cafe that you two called 'the heart of peace and quiet’. It was the smallest bakery you’d ever see in your life, but that always meant that the best food was made there.

He let out a small exasperated sigh at the sight of it, making a small smirk appear on your red lips. You didn’t dress up to meet him again, but you certainly weren’t going to be wearing your nightgown with your hair and face unwashed now were you?

You just smiled at him, slowly putting the book down. As the cover was revealed a sudden memory came into Bucky’s mind. The memory that put the broken puzzle of you two back together.

“All children, except one, grow up. They soon know that they will grow up, and the way Wendy knew was this. One day when she was two years old she was playing in a garden, and she plucked another flower and ran with it to her mother.” You interrupted Bucky speaking to finish the first paragraph, your cheeks turning back into the rosy color they held whenever the person your last kiss would always belonged to came around.

         “I suppose she must have looked rather delightful, for Mrs. Darling put her hand to her heart and cried, 'Oh, why can’t you remain like this for ever!’ This was all that passed between them on the subject, but henceforth Wendy knew that she must grow up. You always know after you are two. Two is the beginning of the end.”
She finished the paragraph and just like that, Bucky Barnes knew they’d finish the rest of the chapters in their lives together. Never letting another chapter of each other lives told without the other by their side.

In fact, they may even let a few little ones join them on their very own grand adventures…

A/N: I hope this made your monday a little bit better if you’ve got the Monday blues :/

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