james ryan deadpool

Wade Wilson: Timelines are so confusing!

Warnings: A lot of swearing, a bit a violence, innuendo? and confusing timelines.

Note: This is in Deadpool style so its a bit weird.

You were being dragged with Colossus and Ellie (as much as she hated being called that you still called her that, even if she threatened to blow you up a few times) to aid Wade fucking Wilson A.K.A Deadpool or asspool as you liked to call him.

You ended up on a motor way which was covered in blood and made Colossus grimace at the sight, Nega- Teenage Attitude Head (whatever) was staring at her phone as usual. You looked past an upturned van and found Wade talking to Ajax (you learnt his name as Wade never stopped rabbiting about what that ‘fucking asshat’ did to him) hung up by a sword through his shoulder. Deadpool saw you three after he finished talking to Ajax “What the fuck?” his voice raised at exclamation. “Why did you goody two shoe dickwads show up?” “Don’t you move!” he pointed a gun at Ajax as he walked towards you. “This is a shameful and reckless use of your powers. You will both be coming with us.” Colossus ran off as usual. Wade started ranting and exclaiming about something but you zoned out.

You zoned back in as he tried to punch Colossus in the head shattering his hand in the process he did the action again but with the other hand. “Dickhead” you muttered. He then said something about “All the dinosaurs feared the T-rex” then tried to kick him but fell to the floor like a fish. Colossus put a pair of hand cuffs on Wade and around his own wrist as he dragged him away “Let us go talk to the Professor” Wade looked up shouting “McAvoy or Stewart? These timelines are so confusing!” You looked down at the deformed man “Wade. Shut the fuck up.”.

You were sitting in the back with Wade as the other two couldn’t stand him any longer. Wade leaned into you “So, is it McAvoy or Stewart?” you looked at him trying to hide a smile “Stewart. I wish it was McAvoy.” Wade crossed his legs “Mmm I agree … those dreamy eyes, that accent, the hair, his cheeky attitude.” “Exactly way better than you.” Wade clasped his hand around his mouth “Huuuuuuuuuuh?” you smirked, a shocked expression on his masked face “It won’t happen sweet cheeks he has that whole thing with Fassy. Ah those dreamy eyes and accents” You nodded in agreement “oh well. Guess I’m stuck with you” “Oh you poor thing and you have a type. Maybe I should have an accent, I already have dreamy eyes.”. you bumped against Wade “Well you’re half the man they are then.”. “Don’t worry sweetheart, not downstairs.”.

I’m very uncomfortable with the fact that everyone in the marvel universe is extremely attractive. 

For example:

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James Corden REALLY wants to become Ryan Reynolds’ sidekick in Deadpool