‘Gas leak,’ said Jack. 'I mentioned it to a deliciously firm-looking firefighter. Told him somebody complained about smelling gas a few hours before it happened. We can seed the story in the usual places, it won’t be a problem.’
'Was that the one I saw you chatting to by the phone box?’ asked Gwen. 'Ooh, he was bloody lovely, he was. When he started unravelling that hose, I thought I was going to faint.’
'Some firefighting skills transfer very nicely to other areas,’ said Jack, grinning.
'Hey,’ said Gwen. 'I saw him first.’
'And you’re taken,’ said Ianto. 'Both of you are. Nothing wrong with window shopping, just try not to lick the glass so much.’
“I can’t believe I got the answering machine. What can you be doing that’s more important than me? Anyway, you’ve probably traced the energy shift, found the body. All me. Sorry about the mess. Bill me for the cleanup. Now. Drinks. Retro-lock the transmission coordinates, that’s where I am. And hurry up. Work to do!”
*runs in* FOR IANTO'S BIRTHDAY AND/OR CHRISTMAS, JACK GETS HIM JAMES BOND UNDERWEAR AND IANTO IS LIKE JFC BUT ALSO HE LOVES THEM AND WEARS THEM AND JACK ALWAYS GIVES HIM THIS SHIT-EATING GRIN WHEN HE DOES *runs away again*
….first of all I want you to know that I had to pause for like five minutes after reading “James Bond underwear” so I could compose myself. Second of all this would be crack in any other fandom but in torchwood it’s probably canon and I love it, I love that my son got his Bond nerdiness from his mum
Ianto: So… how did I die?
Jack: It was all over so quickly.
Ianto: Not an answer… Was it your fault?
Jack: You were one of the first victims of an alien plague. *laughs* You were so brave. You died saving the world.
Torchwood - The Lost Files: The House of the Dead by James Goss