jaking

Breathing

Imagine~ Kai getting into bed with you when he can’t sleep in the prison world.

Everything was peaceful in the world, especially when there were only two people to disturb the night. And one of them happened to be in a deep sleep, drifting off slowly into dream world. 

The other however was struggling, tossing and turning; a thin layer of sweat coating his body. Memories which he had suppressed fighting their way to the surface. 

He jolted awake, looking for any form of comfort in his distress but only to realize he would only have to go a few rooms to his left. 

Kai lifted himself off the bed, his thoughts fighting each other in his own mind. Right now he needed something to put them all at rest and she was only a few moments away. 

The small pitter patter of his feet gradually grew nearer to where you were sleeping, peacefully with nothing to disturb you. Or at least so you’d thought. 

The wooden door creaked open, Kai trying to keep it quiet in attempts to not disturb your slumber. His eyes landed on you and he could immediately feel his thoughts begin to ease. 

Gradually, he walked towards you, his eyes not leaving you once. At the sight, his thoughts seemed to slip back into the darkest parts of his brain however some remained at the surface, only to be suppressed when a thought more important entered his mind. 

The soft comforter coated your body, only allowing Kai to see your face but he didn’t mind seeing as it was all he needed to see to help put his mind to rest. 

He slowly lifted up the duvet, showing your arm which was lying limply at your side. He pulled it up slowly, replacing your arm with himself before placing your arm against his torso. 

He could hear your slow breathing and he chose to focus onto it, his thoughts slowly subsiding. You stirred lightly in your sleep, feeling a warmth which didn’t belong to you so could only belong to one other person. 

“Kai?” you breathed, still in your sleepy state. Your eyes fluttered open to be met with the sight of Kai Parker, exactly who you’d imagined it to be. 

He glanced down at you, upset that his attempts to keep you asleep had failed. “Go back to sleep.” he whispered, not confessing to what he was doing in your bed so late in the night. 

Curiously, you pushed yourself up onto your elbows so you were eye level with the siphoner. Your eyelids drooped over half your eyes but you could see him clearly. 

Dark circles rimmed his eyes and a layer of sweat glazed his forehead. Your eyes burned into him, waiting for answers he wasn’t willing to give. 

“What’s up?” you rasped knowing Kai wasn’t going to speak up without a push. His eyes met yours and it was only then you’d realized how red they were, it was as if he’d been crying. 

“Couldn’t sleep, that’s all.” he replied with a small smile. Your voice, even in it’s most distant form, made Kai feel secure in himself and that’s all he really needed right now. 

In an attempt to help you go back to sleep, Kai sunk himself into your warm bed. He lay on his side, making sure to leave plenty of room for you. 

You followed his actions, pressing your head against his arm which was lying loosely across the bed. 

The room was silent, the only sound filling the air being the sound of you both breathing. Kai’s heart, which had been beating like a hummingbird, was now beating slowly as his mind focused on her breathing once again. 

His glance remained on you even as your eyes fluttered to a close. The warmth of his figure radiating onto you. 

As your breathing became slower so did his, and with that you both drifted off into a deep sleep. 

“this picture isn’t relevant to what I want to talk about but to be fair when are they ever lol. But please read closely.
I have a friend called Jake Sidwell. We met in Nashville due to our mutual pal tessa who realised we had the same mental health condition as we both described the sensation of fading away to her in different ways. We folded tshirts together for tour and gushed to each other about how horrible it was to walk into a brightly lit supermarket, or how bad our memory was nowadays and how difficult it was to explain to anyone else. He was the first person I’d ever met who felt the same as I did and it was so, so incredible and comforting to know that I wasn’t alone. We text each other now and again to fill each other in on how our brains are doing and tips we’ve learned to help.

Since tour last year, Jake was diagnosed with late stage Lyme disease, which explained the depersonalisation. I sent him well wishes and we chatted a bit about it, but I’ve been super busy recently so I haven’t checked in with Jake as much as I’d like.

Jake posted an update video the other day, of himself on a bad day. It was terrifying.

I am shocked and scared, but mostly, I am angry. I am angry at the world for not taking mental illnesses as seriously as others; for all the chronic pain sufferers who aren’t being heard or believed, to the people like me who on my bad days have sobbed down the phone to multiple doctors, begging for an answer and instead getting scepticism and feeling patronised.
If anyone knows a way to help Jake, please leave a comment - you can watch his video on his channel, it’s called “I’m still here”. If you know stories of people recovering, please share those too!

If you know nothing about Lyme, all I can ask is that when someone tells you they are in pain, you listen, and you believe them. I am not really a religious person, but Jake has asked for prayers. I asked god to look after Jake, and I know he would like it if you would too