Broken Hearts & Stitches

I mentioned in my essay, I AM JAKE JAXSON, I was proud of what I do, but I’m also proud of all the people I work with. One of the reasons I chose to come out from the shadows and eventually bring myself into my work – literally showing my face – was because my partner, Benny, had done so as the Creative Director and blogger of CockyBoys, and because my performers do so every day. How could I ask them to put themselves out there if I couldn’t do the same?

This Saturday, Road Strip will be having its feature-length world premiere at the Philadelphia QFest. I hope to sit next to Jake, Max, and their moms as they watch with pride the hard work and possibilities their sons have created for their lives.

And this brings me to another point. Soon after meeting and signing Jake Bass, he started calling me “Daddy.” At first, I did not like it. Gay subculture and even in adult entertainment, “Daddy” has very clear meanings and connotations. And being relatively young and not that rich, I did not see myself as a Daddy!

But I soon realized “Daddy” had a much different meaning for Jake. His father passed away from a protracted and debilitating illness when he was a boy, and it had a profound effect on his young soul – the least of which being that any time he coughs or has a headache, it sends him into a panic and fear of his body breaking down and brain tumors. For Jake, getting sick equals death. And while my heart would break every time this happened, I would coach him to a resolution that was balanced and real.

Over time, it was clear I was more than his boss. I was becoming something more.

Soon after I signed Max Ryder as an exclusive model, a pattern began to emerge that was started by Jake. He also began calling me “Daddy” (it was actually “Daddy CockyBoys”). Soon, the other performers, colleagues, and fans stated calling me that, too. Thus, I was compelled to come up with my porn name – I prefer nom de plume – Jake Jaxson.

I have had the the pleasure of meeting both Jake’s and Max’s mothers. In fact, I meet many of the moms of my performers. They want to know their sons are safe, and I want to assure them as much as possible.

Managing these boys is like holding back the tide, herding cats, and going through airport security all at the same time! And, it’s not easy. I hear my own father’s voice bellow out of my mouth when I’m mad as a cuss, yet it turns steady and calm when I’m trying to show and teach them the obvious. I implore them to save their earnings, rest and eat right, be true to their word, live in mutual respect, and do all things in moderation.

Yet I see them making the same mistakes I did at their age (God knows how I would have survived had Grindr existed). I hear them tell the same lies I used to tell. I see them fall in lust and not in love. I see them going down the same roads as me, and since I know where all the pot holes, switchbacks, and dead ends lay, I warn them, desperately hoping to make them “STOP.”

Like my farther, I am helpless to stop the tide of all-knowing youth. I can only love and guide as best I can. And like my father before me, I do my best to take the slings and arrows of blame, resentment, and fault for still not doing or being enough.

I have laughed with them, worried about them, been angry at them. I have caught their tears, and have seen my fair share of broken hearts and stitches.

As an adopted child, I believed I was a “chosen one,” lucky to have found a loving home. Today, I am proud to say I am once again a “chosen one” – this time, as a father to my family, my staff, and my performers….our CockyBoys. 

Love alway & be nice,

Jake Jaxson

Photos - Jake Jaxson, Jake Bass, Max Ryder, & Levi Karter

The CockyBoys Manifesto by Jake Jaxson

Be proud!
You are not a type. You are you.
“Cocky” does not mean “rude.”
Gay sex is not shameful. It is a blessing like a fine wine, a great meal, or a roller coaster ride. It is part of life and should be enjoyed.
Be safe. Be smart in all that you do. When in doubt, use the head holding up your ears!
Negativity only invites and creates more negativity.
Mutual respect is the path to true power. Power = pride. Pride = loving yourself. Love yourself and you can love another.
Gay is good.
CockyBoys are proud, confident men. At times funny, goofy, sometimes crazy, and shy. They have dark days along with good. They like being admired. They do not succumb to cowardice.
They love and want to be loved.
I am a CockyBoy!
Please check your high horse at the door.
There is nothing wrong with being a “porn star.” It may not be your choice. Choice is freedom. So choose.
When having a bad day… stop. Think of five things you are grateful for….feel better?
Oscar Wilde said it best – “Humanity takes itself too seriously. It is the world’s original sin. If the caveman had known how to laugh, history would have been different.”
Love Always & Be Nice,
Jake Jaxson


I am so proud of this film.  

Actually it’s three short films and an epilogue. All are currently online at CockyBoys.com.  Soon I will make available the full non-sex versions on the site for all to see, as well as, release the DVD at the end of April.  So be on the look out for that.

Also, I want to thank all of the loving, supportive, and enthusiastic fans of this project.  It was because of the positive reaction to THE HAUNTING: Part One – that I even continued making the other three parts of this film. So …THANK YOU!!

Because of your support and attention, this project may have a life beyond just the CockyBoys site.  I have been contacted by a few erotic book publishers about a possible screen to page adaptation.  As well as, several Queer Film festivals about screenings at their festivals.  I am so grateful for those opportunities.  But mostly, I am appreciative and PROUD of the beautiful MEN who brought such style, creativity, heart, and sex appeal to the characters that once only lived in my mind.  It is because of them that this is real.   

Finally, my LOVES – they put up with so much and gave even more – without them I would be nothing – R.J. Sebastian & Benny Morecock – I love you both.

Love Always, 

Jake Jaxson