So the day that Amy has to start desk-duty only when she’s pregnant is the most dreaded day in the history of the 99. Everyone, and I mean everyone (even Hitchcock and Scully), have been fearing this day. So when Jake runs into the precinct 10 minutes early with a terrified look on his face none of them are surprised. They aren’t surprised at what he says next either:
“Listen up everyone! I don’t care what is going on, what drama is up in your life, because this woman will cut your head off. So don’t say anything to offend her because she will kill you. Also Charles please don’t eat lunch in the bullpen today because your food stinks for realz”
However, they are all surprised when 5 minutes later Jake comes back up with what seems like a perfectly normal (even more enthusiastic about work than usual) Amy Santiago. She just sits down at her desk and starts to work. Meanwhile Jake is staring holes into the top of her head to the point where he gets less work done than usual (but to be honest how much work did he do before?). It gets to the point where even Rosa has to pull her aside and have a semi-heartfelt talk. To which Amy’s response is “Rosa I’m fine. It’s just paperwork. I love paperwork”
This goes on for a week or so when suddenly everything crashes.
Amy now comes in trudging after her husband in his old NYPD academy sweatshirt holding a decaf coffee (something that scares the living crap out of Charles until Jake reassures him that “no Charles there is no caffeine in it. Yes I bought it. Yes I checked with the barista. Charles it won’t DONT TALK ABOUT MY WIFE’S PLACENTA CHARLES”). Amy now sits at her desk filling out paperwork with the speed of a tortoise. She no longer asks if she can fill out anyone else’s work for them. It gets to the point where she is volunteering for door duty (to which the answer is no. From both the captain and Jake “babe, there could be a murderer at one of the doors” “I’m pretty sure that there isn’t. It’s a senior retirement community”).
But when she has to finally take maternity leave is when the monster in her is finally unleashed. (She still comes to the precinct. Not as “Detective Santiago” but as “Jake’s wife only here to bring him lunch and totally not to work on a case, Terry do not unplug my computer!”)
She ends up going into labor at the precinct while Jake and Charles are on a stakeout. Jake of course freaks out when he sees the 30+ voicemails from Amy, Rosa, Terry, Gina, and Holt. Most of them being along the lines of
“hey babe so I think I’m in labor. Please get back here”
“Dude, your wife’s in labor.”
“Jake, your baby is being born! This is the best day of your life, where are you?”
“Jake so your wife is pushing out your fetus as we speak. Wait what no it’s just contractions. Get here soon. This is disgusting. Also someone stole all the gum in your desk and it totally wasn’t me. Bye boo”
“Jacob, it seems as though Santiago has gone into labor with your child. She would like to know where you are. Would you like me to help her or do I make her too uncomfortable?”
By the time Jake and Charles get back to the precinct Amy’s contractions are about 6 minutes apart and Charles is freaking out for the both of them. After they get to the hospital it takes about another 3 hours for the baby to be born
“I take back what I said, Sarge, THIS has to be the longest birth ever. And this prison doesn’t even have free wifi, ugh”
Everyone is in a nervous-yet-sluggish mood, that is until Jake comes running out the double doors leading to the maternity wing screaming “It’s a girl! I’ve got a daughter! I did it!”
Hugs and handshakes are passed all around. Even Gina cries a little the first time she sees the “either most awesome or most boring child in the world, there is no in between”.
Even Kevin visits “she doesn’t have your nose, Jacob, that is an accomplishment”.
The day ends with Amy and Jake snuggled up in her too-small hospital bed and their little girl sleeping peacefully beside them surrounded with flowers and gifts from her many aunts, uncles, and “Grandpas Ray and Kevin” (Holt totally doesn’t cry “it’s just allergies, Kevin, 30% of the population experiences it” (despite the fact that it’s winter))