jake with a beard

which kid is most likely to have pet lizard. i think its jake. he has a bearded dragon who he named cornball and the bearded dragon is the grumpiest motherfucker and jake thinks hes hilarious 

The signs as things my teachers have said

Aries: Not saying names, but this student is stupid. Don’t be like this student.

Taurus: (we were about to have a lecture about the dangers of sharing too much on the internet) We just have to wait on Lexi to get back from the bathroom. I sure hope she isn’t sexting. (Everyone laughs) Just trying to relate.

Gemini: If you’re part of the choir please stand up *turns into slim shady* please stand up, please stand up

Cancer: *pure desperation* Please…stop writing that Hiroshima was lit.

Leo: I bet I can dab better than all of you

Virgo: How can one person be so dumb?

Libra: We’re going steady, Jake. We’re going steady.

Scorpio: My beard was black at the beginning of this year, now it’s gray. I’m looking at you, Robert.

Sagittarius: *student talks about how when he was little if he was hungry he would bang his head on the table until he got food* That explains a lot about you, it really does.

Capricorn: It’s fight or flight. But some of you would be paralyzed if a lion came in here right now, and that’s fine by me because they gotta eat something.

Aquarius: Now is not the time for snapping or chatting

Pisces: At a teacher meeting we had to pretend to be students, and I got in trouble. They made me sit in the corner and everyone made fun of me so I cried

Here are some of the highlights of Grimmy’s interview with Jake GyIIenhaal:

- Nick’s opening line was: “I can barely hear you through that beard. If you’re not watching, Jake has the same colour of hair, beard, eyebrows, and jumper, which is like talking to a haystack.”

- Then he went straight into the Valentine’s Day incident. At first, Jake tried to lie he had sent the flowers but they were rejected. But then said he just forgot, and he’s better at texting so he’ll just give Nick his number, so he can text him when he wants flowers, and then when Jake doesn’t text Nick back he will have some time to come up with another excuse before he comes on the show again.

- Then they bonded over not knowing how to carry their little dogs, doing it as if they were babies and not dogs. And Jake said if Nick’d sent him an email “Jake, I want to wrap you up like a baby” he might’ve responded

- Nick offered Jake to choose a song to play, but Jake said “I’m OK, thanks”

- They were talking about Ryan Reynolds and how he’s great and nice (cause Canadian) and Grimmy said Canadians have the hottest prime minister and that he emailed him on Valentine’s Day and he actually replied (cause Canadian) and now they’re dating

- Nick asked “Do you think you’re good?” Jake “There were moments when I thought ‘OK. That was good.” Nick “Did you do that in the mirror?”

- Then they were talking about lying and calling in sick, and Nick said that today he tried to do that and told Fiona he didn’t want to interview Jake Gyllenhaal but she’d told him to suck it up. Jake “Were you honestly or were you just bummed about the email?” Nick “Yeah, I was heartbroken, I’ve been in therapy for three months.”

In conclusion, they are in love.