jake plays mass effect

Mass Effect: Andromeda is coming up and so far I have decided:

  • I will be playing Sis!Ryder because I took a look at the VA’s respective IMDB pages and while the woman voicing Sis!Ryder has a pretty healthy body of work Bro!Ryder is limited to one role as something called “octo-dad” and I’ve made the mistake of going with the worse (male) VA before as my Mass Effect canon and, like, fool me twice; shame on me
  • I wanna use a space sword since you can apparently use a space sword
  • Also apparently the Andromeda species all use plasma weaponry (?) so maybe I can get her a sweet plasma pistol and a sword and she can run around like a Warhammer 40k character, only not awful (and hopefully not blowing herself up with her own plasma weaponry but we’ll see)
  • Apparently the Sith Warrior story/companion writer (meaning Vette’s writer) is writing Peebee so there’s like an 80% chance I will be ENTIRELY THRILLED WITH Peebee and like a 20% chance I will be ENTIRELY SKEEVED OUT BY HER ROMANCE but that seems the likely route
  • I was all set to try and make either a Chicana Ryder or a Desi Ryder (the former because Latinos! In! SPAAACE!!!, the latter because I haven’t made any Desi characters in BioWare games before unlike just about every other major group of humans) but now I’m hearing that there are a number of pre-set faces for a few ethnicities that you can edit from but those pre-sets have actual face scans so they’re probably gonna be better rendered so maybe I’ll just go with a pre-set and only change a couple cosmetic details like hairdo and eye color and scars/tats???!?!
  • So now I can’t even pick?? A name?! Because I don’t know which pre-set ethnicity face I’ll like best?! Is her name gonna be like, Esperanza? Jyoti? Aorei? Fuckin BECKY?! I DON’T FUKKEN KNOW!!!*
  • I don’t know if I want her to have had Security, Leadership, or Explorer training first. Like that’s pretty fuckin’ basic and I don’t? Know?!?!
  • I have to sell off a bunch of my old space marines (I was gonna anyway) so I can afford to buy the game at all when it comes out next month but I keep dawdling on that because posting so much shit on eBay is a huge pain in the ass but I gotta get fuckin’ to that

*it will not be Becky

i crashed and burned like 5 hours ago after having been awake for like 30 hours, and i’m still really really really tired, and i should go back to sleep, but i hear the siren song of mass effect and i dunno if i’m gonna be able to have the discipline to choose my health over a video game.

i am an adult.

by far the most compelling source of inspiration for me when contemplating what sort of character to make in Mass Effect: Andromeda is Star Trek (exploration, hope, humanity as learning to be better) but specifically Kirk. Picard is too… ‘mature federation frowny face’ about moral quandries. Like… secure in the knowledge that humanity is better, now… he’s genuinely shocked by the episodes where we show that we’re really… not. And the Sisko already heavily influenced the way I ran my Shepard: reluctant savior-figure who runs himself ragged trying to save everyone despite knowing full well how much of a racist garbage pile humanity can be. Janeway could be an interesting take (at least when well-written): a Ryder who is a big science nerd who genuinely cares about doing the Right Thing but whose ultimate duty is to Her Crew.

But Kirk seems to fit my personal optimum of “Deeply moral person driven by passions for exploration and justice, struggling sometimes to overcome her own base nature, actively delighting in diversity, willing to compromise until the minute she suddenly isn’t because there is a hard moral line she will not cross.”

So I guess I’m going for the ‘leadership’ background specialty after all. Now if only I knew what ethnicity I was going to make her so I could settle on a name. :-/

How I learned to stop worrying and love dumb gimmick weapons

Prompted by @petepaintswarhammer‘s comment on my tactical sergeants, here follows a list of wargear in Warhammer 40k (or 30k for that matter) that I will always, always take, because I love it and/or it’s hilarious

Plasma weaponry: Somebody’s gonna die. Maybe it’s your target. Maybe it’s your plasmagunner burning his own face off. But these things have like, a 100% kill rate. That’s good stuff! Every sergeant can have a plasma pistol. Unless you’ve got a mad-on for flamers (understandable; roasting things is also fun) then your special weapon guys can also all have plasmaguns. Plasmaguns! Yeahhhhhh!!!!!!

Melta bombs: Think of them as a 5 point opportunity cost. For a low, low price of just 5 points (that’s, what, the price of a guardsman?) you can now declare “FUCK IT! DEATH OR GLORY!” when some mofo tries to tank shock your tac squad. Or if there’s a superheavy closing in, your Sergeant can holler “YOLO” and fuckin’ tower dive that shit. Will it work? Prolly not. But sometimes it does, and that is the funniest thing ever: killing a 300 point model with a 5 point upgrade on a non-com. Bonus points if the tank or knight or w/e blows up and kills your sergeant: ‘hoist by his own petard’ and all that.

Eldar Jetbikes: People argue about what exactly the Eldar’s greatest strength is. Some say it’s shooting. Some say it’s psychic shenanigans. Nobody says it’s assault, that’s for damn sure. I say it’s mobility. If you’re playing Eldar right, you’re going to win or lose in the movement phase. Jetbikes are fast as shit, they’re shooty, and they’re scoring. Yes. All of the yes. Also, you can make Jetsons car noises when you zip them around and keep them just out of assault range of your increasingly frustrated opponent. Watch out for heldrakes tho.

Bright Lances: s8 ap2 is already p. damn good. But then you factor in the ‘lance’ rule and you will glance anything on a 4+. A 33% chance to pen a land raider with a hit from my shit-ass Vyper? Yes plz.

Power Swords: Are they the best? Nah. Are they the worst? Nah. But they’re swords, and they can cleave through a 3+ save. That’s good enough to justify slapping them on your upgrade sergeants. Cheaper than a power fist and hits faster, too. You’re not going to punch through artificer or terminator armor with it, but let’s be honest- you weren’t going to punch through that with your slow-ass unwieldy weapon either before your p. fist guy got challenged and/or mulched by faster attacks. The way to get through a 2+ save isn’t with ap2, usually- it’s through making them roll that 2+ save a lot. The best terminator killer is a fuckload of guardsmen. So embrace the rule of cool and just give your dudes kickass swords that can cut through damn near anything. There’s a reason people like lightsabers.

note: if your strength is less than 4 you probably don’t want a power sword after all because nothing’s more disheartening than getting the charge with a pack of Banshees and careening into someone’s crap-ass tactical squad and then watching your Banshees fail to roll a single 5 or 6 to wound. >:(

Missile Launchers: “They’re boring,” you say. “They’re not especially good at anything,” you say. Horseshit. Mass them. A single missile launcher is going to do fuckall most games. Four, though, four can almost guaranteed blow up a light vehicle or frag the shit out of an enemy infantry blob. Slap 6 to 10 of them in a 30k devastator squad and watch people shit themselves. Spend the points for flak missiles if you don’t have better anti-air, otherwise save it.

Volkite weaponry: I just discovered these, being new to 30k, and I am thoroughly enamored of them. Gonna probably pick up a batch of 10 chargers and kit out a specialist squad with heat rays. >:D

Honorable Mention: Meltaguns

Not much has armored ceramite in 40k. It’s more common in 30k but meh; you’re probably using it to kill terminators then instead. VOIP

Honorable Mention: Flamers

While I personally like plasmaguns better, it’s hard to argue with the effectiveness of massed flamers.