jake obviously

Jake Peralta: Stepdad!AU

So this was going to be an actual fic, but, alas, any sort of narrative wouldn’t come, so instead allow me to offer a series of (not at all canon-timeline compliant) headcanons about Amy Santiago’s tiny daughter taking Jake in as part of the family:

  • When Amy starts at the Nine-Nine, she is Very Adamant that Jake will never meet Maya, largely because a) He’s the worst, and b) Maya doesn’t need to see her mother curse out a fellow employee, but mostly c) He’s The Worst.
  • Except she only lasts twelve days, at which point Captain McGinley calls her in on her day off because he’s finally realized that his new detective has started and he wants to meet her, even though they have met four (4) times and he’s assigned two cases to her and Jake
    • It’s supposed to be a short meeting and she promises a very teary-eyed Maya that she’ll be real quick, but she needs to go in without Maya because McGinley looks like he might yell for some reason, Amy can just tell, and Sarge isn’t here and Amy barely knows anyone else and Jake offers, basically
    • Maya is just v. v. teary when Amy blows her a quick kiss before entering McGinley’s office
    • The meeting lasts exactly forty-seven minutes
    • Amy expects A Disaster when she gets out, or at the very least a very stressed-out Jake trying to pass her daughter off on someone else
    • But instead Maya is sitting in Jake’s lap with two of his superhero figurines gripped between her sweaty little hands, patiently telling a story while Jake writes on a piece of paper next to her
    • “And then there’s a dragon,” Maya says breathlessly, and Jake nods along patiently
    • “Fire-breathing or bearded?” he offers, and Maya really considers it for a moment before deciding on bearded. “Got it, I’ve jotted that down.”
    • “I thought no one was allowed to touch your dolls?” Amy asks when she gets to them, and she’s a little stressed out about this whole situation because Jake is suddenly, like, a kind person? Who’s been watching her daughter for forty-seven minutes and counting?
    • “Uh, obviously this is Red Metal Man and Mr. Star, okay.”
    • It’s not. It’s Iron Man and Captain America, and Amy can tell because she’s not totally out of the loop of the cultural zeitgeit, okay, and she sometimes pays attention to movie posters and has very definitely seen at least two of the superhero movies
    • “Plus I believe I said no Santiagos, and that was back before I knew there was a cool Santiago in the clan.”
    • Maya, meanwhile, has grabbed a pen off of Jake’s desk and is now leaning precariously over said desk and drawing on some of the large blank spaces Jake had left on the paper
    • And Amy realizes that Jake was writing down Maya’s story but made sure there was room so she could draw
    • Jake grins at her sheepishly, braces Maya with one hand on her back to make sure she doesn’t slip, and says, “It’s her vision, and she’s, like, a really good storyteller.”
    • Amy swoons, but in a low-key, subtle way. Probably.
    • Anyway, but Jake is also The Worst, so it doesn’t matter

Keep reading

Coffin Nail (Animorphs ficlet)

Jake lasts all of ten minutes before he cannot take it anymore, ducking the gazes of a dozen or more B-list celebrities and gratefully plunging into the cold open air of Marco’s back porch.  He’s only at this stupid party in the first place because Marco dropped a dozen hints that Cassie might be here and Jake is pathetic like that, but he’s not sure he can even last long enough to see if she’ll arrive.

He leans against the railing, squinting out at the city.  Maybe he’ll make it.  He’s survived worse.

Marco’s back door swings open again, and a familiar voice says, “Oh, I didn’t realize anyone else was out—”

Jake turns around fully and Jordan stops talking.  

She’s got an open pack of Marlboros in her left hand, a lit cigarette clenched between the first two fingers of her right, and a half-startled look on her face.  

There’s something dully shocking about the sight of the cigarettes, mostly because in Jake’s mind Jordan is still that round-eyed thirteen-year-old he hasn’t spoken to in years.  

“Anyone ever tell you those things’ll kill you?” Jake asks.  It’s a terrible conversation starter: awkward, cliche.  He uses it anyway for lack of anything better, because the fact is that they haven’t seen each other since the funeral.  

Jordan exhales her mouthful of smoke in a Cheshire grin.  “You say that like I want to live forever.”

Just for a second she looks so much like Rachel that Jake feels a shiver go up his spine.  He doesn’t say that, of course, because he of all people definitely knows better.  Even the echo of the reminder of his great-aunt’s casual “Oh, but you look just like—!” last April is enough to twist his gut with nausea all over again.  

He knows what he looks like—knows who he looks like—thank you very much, he owns a fucking mirror.  He knows.  It’s only gotten worse, given how much he sprouted up in the past few years.  (No one calls him “midget” anymore.)  He doesn’t know for sure if he’s taller now than Tom ever was, since he didn’t measure, but it’s probably a near thing.  

Three months from now he’ll have lived longer than his brother ever did.  That much he does know for sure.

“So.”  Jake clears his throat.  “Nice party, huh?”

Jordan looks at him over her cigarette, expression pitying.  “You know,” she says around it, “at least I brought an excuse to come lurk out here like a weird, sad loner.  You don’t even have that much.”

Jake blinks.  “I, uh… ‘Excuse’?”

She takes the cigarette out of her mouth long enough to wave it around, trailing a thin stream of smoke into the air.  

“Does smoking make you not a sad loner?” Jake asks.

“Nah, it just makes you a cool sad loner with too much mystique to have any friends,” Jordan explains patiently.  “You want one?”

“A friend?” Jake says.  He realizes a few seconds too late how pathetic that sounded, but it’s too late now.  

“An excuse.”  Jordan holds the pack out to him.  

“Uh, okay.”  She’s got a point, after all: it’s not like Jake wants to live forever.  

She digs into three or four pockets of her leather coat before she finally comes out with a lighter, cupping her free hand around the flame to shelter it as Jake leans forward to suck life from its tip.  He inhales too deeply, and he knows it immediately, coughing and choking on what feels like an entire ember lodged in his throat.  

Watching him, Jordan laughs.  “You know, for a guy that FOX news likes to call a terrorist, you’re awfully square.”  

Jake ignores the “terrorist” part—it’s an old wound, just another knife bouncing off existing scar tissue, so numb not even the pain makes it through.  Instead he wheezes out, “I never did much experimenting in high school.”  

Jordan’s face shutters, and Jake wonders if she’s thinking the same thing that just crossed his mind: it’s supposed to be your older sibling who gives you your first cigarette, your first beer, your first porn mag.  

“It’s not like I care what FOX news says about me,” Jake says to cover for the moment.  

“Yeah, yeah, ‘famously reclusive’ and all that, right?”

Jake shrugs.  “Isn’t ‘famously reclusive’ an oxymoron?”

“Well, you don’t whore yourself out like Marco does, that’s for sure.”  The harsh language seems just as out-of-place in her mouth as the cigarette first did.  She’s sixteen, Jake reminds himself, not twelve.  “You know…”  Jordan laughs, looking down.  “I used to have the biggest crush on him.  Marco, that is.  Anyway…”

Jake doesn’t need her to finish that sentence.  Anyway, I was a different person then.  One I wouldn’t recognize if we bumped into each other on the street.  It was nice knowing her.  Nice being her.

They smoke in silence for several more minutes, making their own tiny contribution to the Los Angeles smog.  Jake stubs out his cigarette first chance he gets.  

“Thanks,” he says.  “For the—”  He holds up the crumpled stump of filter.  “For the excuse.”

“Yeah, sure.”  And seeing he’s turning to go back inside, Jordan blurts.  “You’re taking care of your parents, right?”  She takes a breath.  “And—and yourself.”

“‘Course.”  Jake inhales, wondering if one cigarette is enough to decrease his lung capacity by fifty percent or if it just feels that way.  “You are too?”

She nods.

There’s time for one more look, one more complex ugly flash of understanding, between them.   Then Jake turns away.  

He’ll head home early that night, and the following afternoon an andalite named Menderash will show up with news of Aximili.  He’ll never see anyone from his family again.  

RichJake headcanon thing

I have no idea if this has been stated before,
but
I’d like to think Jake was one of the main reasons Rich came to the realization that he was bi?¿
Obviously there would be other factors here, but hear me out for a second

In the hospital
After he goes and says that the girls are going to love the real Rich
His first thought probably wasn’t just on random dudes
Not if he thought he was straight up until that point anyway

No, it was probably Jake
And how he could be real with him too and see if, after apologizing for burning his h o use down, they could still be friends

This is also one of the first times Rich actually gets to think about Jake for himself here after getting to know him personally
You know, clear head because he’s not worrying about the squip or his home life
So he was probably just like whoah attraction that isn’t being repressed

Besides, Rich wasn’t really shown to be too close to any other males in the show
There could be other people too, but I feel like Jake would be the main focus at that moment

Idk, just something to think about

why isn’t pale jakeroxy a popular ship tbh

roxy was the only alpha who really treated jake well and was there to comfort him when he was incredibly down while they were on their quest beds, while jake was also the only other alpha who treated roxy really well. jake obviously cares about roxy but was afraid that she would hate him on the platform, but roxy was really happy to see him. jake also comforted roxy a lot reassuring her that he believes in her stories of the future even if jane doesnt. they exchange a lot of sweet convos, jake calls roxy “smart and sassy” and she calls him “best dude”. they get along really well and all their pesterlogs are great, they’re just such wonderful friends and out of all the alphas they always got along the very best without any relationship drama going on between the two. they were just always sweet and nice to each other and were always there for each other and they’re both just so sweet. please give pale jakeroxy a chance. 

Some Headcanons
  •    Dustpelt always felt bad that he never reconciled with his brother Ravenpaw
  •    Millie actually doesn’t enjoy Clan life and sometimes finds herself wishing she had stayed as a kittypet
    • she doesn’t say this out loud though because she wants Greystripe to be happy
  •    Thornclaw always felt like he hadn’t accomplished as much as his siblings because he didn’t have a high position in the Clan or raise a family
  •    Sandstorm used to be really arrogant apprentice because her father Redtail was the debuty. After he died and her mother had another litter, she had to start to grow more as a person
  •    Heathertail doesn’t really love Breezepelt but she wanted to become a mother and wanted to help her friend to gain more trust in the Clan again
  •    Tawnypelt is unhappy in her relationship and wants to leave Rowanstar but feels like she can’t because of his position and the current situation of ShadowClan (Vision of Shadows)
  •    Blackstar actually considered making Tawnypelt a debuty, but dismissed it because she’s not a pureblood ShadowClan cat
  • In StarClan Greystripe will live happily with both Millie and Silverstream without any jealousy in one way or another (enough with that “they have to choose” bullshit, seriously)
  • Jake’s first (official) mate was Quince, but they broke up after Tiny dissappeared and Quince thought he had been killed by “those savage fox-hearted Clan cats!” (she followed his scent trail after he ran off and found the place where Tigerpaw had attacked him), which drove them into an argument (Jake obviously defending the Clans)
    • Some time after their break up Jake met Nutmeg and fathered her kits, one of them being Firestar
  • Tawnypelt’s litter (Tigerheart, Dawnpelt and Flametail) had one more kit who she named Goldenkit after her mother, but the kit sadly died at a very young age
  • Firestar would not have chosen Spottedleaf over Sandstorm in StarClan
  • Cloudtail and Brightheart always had troubles having kits (fertility issues) which is why there’s such a long gap between their first and last litter
  • Cloudtail would not have been interested in becoming a wild cat if Fireheart hadn’t brought him in ThunderClan as a kit
OKJA

Main reason I decided to watch Okja was because of Choi Woo Shik’s special appearence and Kevin Yeun hehe to my surprise Devon Bostick was in it as well!! ♥ (Rodrick from Diary of a Wimpy Kid) 

Originally posted by akajustmerry

Okja, a Korean - American film directed by Bong Joon Ho

As we all know Korean movies tend to be realistic and not have the typical happy-ever-after ending. So I watched it knowing that it might end tragically and depressing. One thing that is interesting about this movie is that it talks about GMO. Ever since I was in middle school I did projects about GMO and even had a time when I would check every label (on food) around the house to make sure we did not consume any of that stuff. Is not that GMO is entirely bad, there are benefits, but each person has a choice to consume it or not. And of course I chose not to. I actually don’t know if the GMO debate is still a thing, it’s been a while since I had free time to look up stuff and watch news..

I was exited that such a famous director created a project like this! The cast was well chosen as well. The scenery was beautiful, the transition from the east to the west was awesome…I was just impressed…flabbergasted… it was truly a beautiful…bittersweet film.

Before watching the film I joked about me becoming vegan or vegetarian. The thing about this movie is that it shows the public a glimpse of what happens to animals when they are being mass produced and slaughtered for our consumption. I know that as humans we separate animals into categories, pet, non-pet… our pets are family… non-pets are food. Simple as that. But this story is about this adorable super-pig (Okja) who was created in a lab. She is considered a pet to the owner Mija, but neither know about the cruelty in food industry and why Okja exists. 

[SPOILERS]

I’ll start with a quote from the director Bong Joon Ho

“I wanted to crumble these borders and make the audience feel uncomfortable. It is witnessing your family being dragged into a slaughterhouse”

There were scenes that did make me feel uncomfortable and I cried so much as well. Both Okja and Mija are so innocent.. yet throughout their journey, they mature in a very painful way. Do you know how we get our food? Do you know how babies are born? SEX. in animals it is called “mating”. We all know that in order to “reproduce”, there needs to be mating. But as humans we don’t take a moment to think about whether the animal has feeling or not. Humans just pair the animals up randomly and breed them. The way it was filmed.. it looked like rape. Do you guys know how painful that was to watch. It broke my heart, because throughout the first half of the movie, they make sure you fall in love with this adorable, sweet and innocent super-pig. And it is like her innocence is taken away from her. As I mentioned before… pets = family… it was like watching a family member being raped and about to be slaughtered.

I obviously got too emotional with this movie. I will stop now before I spill the whole movie.. It is great please do watch it ♥

By the way, just in case yall don’t know… I am pretty sure the name of the company Mirando was inspired by Monsanto… look it up hehe.

Also.. the movie does have a slight comical relief ^^ the ALF, they are the animal rights group, during several of the most serious moments..they would do/say something dumb.

Originally posted by emillarke

And~ uri Wooshik-ah joins the squad at the end ♥

Originally posted by glitterghosts

one more thing… Shirley Henderson is in it too!!! the crying ghost from Harry Potter! AND it was produced by Brad Pitt!

definitely a star-studded movie! 

Brooklyn Nine Nine High School AU

I while ago I made headcanons of an au where the cast of Brooklyn Nine Nine are teachers at a high school, Jake is the English teacher, Amy is the math teacher, etc, which you can read here  if you want, and see the aesthetic of that au I made here. Then I started thinking, what if the cast of Brooklyn Nine Nine were STUDENTS in high school? So here’s headcanons of them as students.

• Holt is the principal. Cheddar is the school mascot. Terry is a student teacher who is working towards an art education degree and helps teach the art class and also subs for the gym teacher.

• Jake is a massive prankster. Setting cats loose in the cafeteria on Fish Stick Friday, whoopee cushions on teachers’ chairs, drawing dicks on chalkboards, those kinda things. He’s always saying inappropriate jokes during the lesoons. He’s a pain in the ass to teachers but his classmates love him, he’s the class clown. He sits in the back of the class, throws spit balls. He’s failing math and needs a tutor.

• Amy always sits at the front of the class. Always raises her hand, always gets every question right. Amy overhears Principal Holt complaining to vice principal Kevin how every single tutor in the school quit tutoring Jake Peralta. The boy is simply un-tutorable.

• Amy jumps at this chance. If she can tutor an un-tutorable delinquent, Principal Holt will surely remember her! She offers to tutor Jake, despite the fact that she’s still picking spit balls out of her hair because of him.

• Gina and Jake were best friends since kindergarten. Gina’s the most popular girl in school, but don’t be fooled, she’s not the mean-cheerleader-Regina-George type. She acts like she’s better than everyone else (and to be fair, she kinda is) but she still has a big heart. She was voted class president and got the teachers to allow drinks in class.

• Rosa and Jake met in middle school. They made a plan to flood the bathrooms to avoid taking a huge test. They’ve been friends ever since. In high school, Rosa noticed some kids picking on this nerd named Amy. Rosa put Amy under her protection. “You mess with Amy, you mess with me” and trust me, nobody wants to have a problem with Rosa. Amy does Rosa’s homework to pay her back.

• In freshman year of high school, the school hosted a Halloween school dance. Charles showed up in a cat costume. This big kid started calling Charles homophobic slurs. Jake didn’t like that, and punched him in the face. Principal Holt didn’t suspend Jake for punching a student. Nobody stood up for Charles before. Charles saw Jake as his hero and followed him around all the time. Gina convinced the school that cat outfits were the next trend so everyone would stop picking on Charles.

• Jake and Amy meet at the school library during their lunch period to study. Jake obviously brings a three-course meal with him into the library. They both get kicked out for bringing food into a library. Amy’s super pissed off. They go to the cafeteria and study there. Jake can’t focus. His friends keep talking to him and distracting him. Amy just walks away. She’s frustrated that he won’t study.

• Jake see’s Amy walking away. He runs after her and notices the back of her head. “What’s those things in your hair?” Amy turns around and glares at him. “You should know, you’re the one that does this to me, every single day.” Jake’s heart sinks. He just wanted to have fun and throw spitballs. He didn’t think that about where the spitballs were landing. He didn’t think about the consequences to his actions. “I’m sorry Amy. I won’t do it again.” Amy’s still pissed but accepts his apology. The period’s almost over, but Jake invites Amy to come to his house after school so they can study.

• Gina got caught texting during class so she got detention. Rosa’s in detention, as usual. She’s surprised to see Gina there. She knew Gina was the class president so she assumed Gina was some boring goody-two shoes. “What’re ya in for?” Rosa asked. “My math teacher tried to confiscate my phone and I told him to go shove a ruler up his ass.” Rosa starts cackling. She’s impressed. “Damn, you’re way different than I thought you were.”

• Rosa tells Gina that she’s in detention for the rest of the month for irresponsibly mixing random chemicals in chemistry class and starting a huge fire. Gina only has detention for a week. She spent that week with Rosa, talking trash about their annoying classmates. Gina convinced Rosa to make a Twitter account. After than week is up, Gina pulls the fire alarm to get back into detention with Rosa.

• “Why’d you pull the fire alarm?” “So I can see you again.” Gina and Rosa both excuse themselves to go to the bathroom. They hook up in the bathroom stall. They’re girlfriends now and they’re unstoppable. More kids at school start coming out as gay/bi/pan/etc because they saw that the most popular girl in school, Gina Linetti, isn’t afraid to be herself. That gave them the strength to come out.

• Amy arrives at Jake’s house. She looks around and sees pictures of Jake and his mom, but no dad. Jake tells Amy that his dad left him when he was young. Amy puts her hand on Jake’s shoulders. “Oh, Jake, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know that.” Jake tells her that it’s fine, it happened a long time ago, he’s over it now.

• Amy spread her books and worksheets on Jake’s bed. Jake climbs on the bed and sits next to her. Amy shows Jake an equation and instructs “Show me how to solve for x” then Jake bursts into tears. “HOW CAN I FIND X WHEN I CAN’T EVEN FIND MY DAD?!?!” Amy doesn’t know what to do except pat him on the head. Jake calms down. “I’m sorry you had to see that.” Amy gives him an understanding nod.

• They try to study but Jake can’t seem to focus. He keeps getting distracted. “I’m sorry. I’m trying hard. I really am. People think I don’t try, but I do.” Amy’s heart sinks. She always thought Jake was just lazy. But he was reading the material and trying to solve the equation as hard as he could. He just couldn’t seem to pay attention. Amy has an idea. She orders Sal’s pizza. Every time Jake gets an answer correct, he gets a bite of pizza. Jake perked up. He loved pizza. He wanted his reward. It took some time but he finally got an answer correct and gobbled up his bite. “Are you proud of me?” Jake asked, his eyes widened. Amy gave him a high five. “So proud!” It made Jake so happy to finally hear that.

• Jake tries to solve another equation and the answer he gets is only a decimal point away from the correct answer. He asks Amy to still give him a bite of pizza. Amy shakes her head. “Nope. You didn’t get the correct answer. You didn’t earn this pizza.” She pushes the box out of his way. Jake grabs a slice out of the box anyways. “Hey!” Amy grabs the slice out of Jake’s hand. Jake bounces on top of Amy and tries to grab the pizza out of her hand. They both wrestle around the bed for a few seconds and start laughing. Jake’s literally ON TOP of Amy right now.

• They stop wrestling and just look into each other’s eyes. They’re both panting from all that wrestling. Jake drops the pizza out of his hand. He leans down and presses his lips against Amy’s. Amy closes her eyes and kisses him back. Jake pulls back. Amy says “That was great and all, but you’re still not getting your pizza.” Jake groans. “Damnit!” Amy laughs. They keep studying. Jake’s starting to get the hang of this. He’s getting more questions correct, which means more bites of pizza.

• There’s one question left, the short answer question. The hardest question on the worksheet. Jake asks “If I get this question correct, will I get a whole slice of pizza?” Amy has a mischievous smile. “Oh you’ll get something better than a slice of pizza.” Jake gets excited. “TWO slices of pizza?!” Amy rolls her eyes and tells him to just solve the equation.

• Jake finishes solving the problem, Amy looks over his work to see how he did. Amy glances over his paper, then suddenly knocks all the textbooks and papers off of the bed. She pushes Jake onto his back and climbs on top of him. She runs her fingers through his hair and kisses him. Jake wraps his arms around her back and kisses her back. After a minute of making out, Amy pulls away. Jake asks her, “So I got the question right?” Amy winked. “Nope.”

glittsea  asked:

I always see ppl talking about how jake obviously has adhd but they never talk about one of he quotes that I think is the most iconically adhd for me where he goes something like "we can't work at different precincts if I didn't see you every day I'd forget you exist, I'm like a goldfish" (to amy) and that's the biggest mood ever for me

everything about him is adhd and that’s one hell of a mood

It’s me & I’m back with another new AU despite having 10+ WIPs in my drafts!! (Why am I like this??? RIP) Ok so I’ve got a Rosa/Gina Cake Shop AU fic in the works, but since that’s predictably going to take forever for me to finish, here is a list of headcanons for a Jake/Amy version of that AU: 

  • Charles owns and runs Niko’s (the only cake shop in Brooklyn to boast having the best mouth-feel), and Amy is his acclaimed cake decorator. 
    • She’s not allowed to touch anything that’s uncooked or not made for decorating; even the buttercream frosting and the fondant icing she uses are made by Charles.
  • The first time Jake comes into the store, he’s super frazzled because he completely forgot he volunteered to bring cake for the precinct’s annual picnic. 
    • Charles is worried they won’t be able to finish a Perfect cake by noon, but he accepts the order anyway and even waives the extra rush fee. (”I got you, Jakey! Leave it to me!”)  
    • Amy is Not Pleased because she is the one who has to figure out how they’re going to get a cake chilled, frosted, and decorated in less than an hour. She’s never one to back down from an organizational challenge though, and she manages to get the cake boxed and ready a whole 4 minutes before Jake comes by to pick it up. 
  • Jake becomes a regular at Niko’s and always has the most ridiculous orders.
    • He quickly picks up that Amy is a Type A Perfectionist, so he’s always like, “Alright, today I want… a lopsided cake, tilted exactly 1.5 mm to one side, with a sugar flower 0.78 cm off-center. Oh, and make sure it’s sliced unevenly!”
    • Amy is appropriately infuriated, but she’s all for fulfilling oddly specific instructions. 
  • Let’s be honest, all the cake orders land Jake in crushing debt. After he makes his 20th order in two months, Charles starts to get concerned about his finances and starts creating the weirdest discounts/promos.
    • ”50% off for all NYPD detectives whose first names begin with J!” 
    • “Buy one, get one cake free if you come wearing a leather jacket!!”
    • “Free cake decorating class if you can quote 20 minutes of Die Hard!” (“Charles, I did not agree to teach this!!!” “AMY, YOU GOTTA.”)
  • One day, Jake comes in to order a Get Well Soon! cake for his mom, and there is so much love in his descriptions that Amy’s like… Damn.
    • He orders a multi-tier cake and brings in three messy crayon drawings as samples for how each cake layer should be decorated. (”Try not to look too impressed, but these are my earliest masterpieces from my days as a young kindergartner… I stole them from my mom’s fridge while she was napping yesterday.”)
    • He makes Amy promise on her favorite icing pen that she won’t forget the details on Graham Crackers’s shell. (”This was the last portrait I drew of my dear turtle before he got married and moved in with his wife. Do not ruin this, Amy!”) 
    • She puts her heart and soul into decorating this cake (possibly even more effort than when she decorated her brother Luis’ wedding cake), and the photo of the finished product definitely gets filed in her portfolio of best works. 
  • If Amy were to be completely honest, beyond all of Jake’s stupid requests, he’s actually one of the most Earnest and Pure people she knows.
    • He once overheard Charles stressing over a messed up delivery arrangement and offered to drive the cakes himself. (”Boyle, I can turn on my sirens and be there in no time!”)
    • He periodically brings coffee for everyone, not just Amy and Charles. He’s even got the janitor’s regular order memorized. 
    • He got word that Nikolaj’s birthday was coming up, so he put in a secret order for a truck-themed cake. (“Is there a way you can make sure Charles doesn’t find out about this? It’s gotta be a surprise!!!”) 
  • The first time Jake sees Amy in anything other than her chef’s coat is at Nikolaj’s birthday party, and it’s totally jarring for him. 
    • He thought she looked pretty in her pristine white uniform with her hair in a neat bun, but when she’s in a red dress and her hair’s all shiny, soft, and let down like that… wow.
    • He def trips over his words for a good full minute, and Amy just giggles and does the Double Tuck. 
  • Jake walks in one Saturday afternoon, and Amy immediately gets her notebook and pen out cause oh boy, this is gonna be another doozy. 
    • After she says she’s ready to take down his order, he blurts out in one breath: “doyouwannagotothemuseumwithme?”
    • Amy may have been president of her high school’s stenographer’s club, but even she’s not fast enough to jot all of that down. ”Wait, slow down, I didn’t catch that. Did you say museum?”
    • Jake obviously did not mean for that to be on an actual cake, so he’s just like, “………………. Ames.” 
    • She looks up, and he’s got this shy adorable grin on his face, and then it hits her. “OH. OH. Uhm. Yes? Yes!! I- I’m off in 15??????” 
    • Charles is watching this entire exchange from the kitchen (he’s got the door cracked open about an inch, just enough for him to hear everything) and he’s SQUEALING because America’s dream couple is finally getting together!!!!!!!!!!!

All the love to @the-pontiac-bandit​ and @jakelovesamy for helping me with some of these and to @elsaclack and @proofthatihaveaheart for listening to me yell about this! ♥♥♥

there on a balcony in summer air

LOL I CANT COPE WITH SADNESS SO OBVIOUSLY I WROTE UTTERLY MEANINGLESS JAKE AND AMY WEDDING FLUFF INSTEAD OF ANYTHING USEFUL

TITLES FROM TAYLOR SWIFT, DAN GOOR CAN FIGHT ME PERSONALLY, I HOPE THIS SOOTHES EVERYONES SOULS A BIT LIKE IT SORT OF DID MINE

shoutout to @parlegee for proofreading, ur the number one

Considering how much the general universe seems to specifically have it out to ruin his life, Jake thinks that he’s been having a pretty amazing day so far.

Of course, it is his wedding day, so it’s inherently supposed to be a good one, unless he’s the generic fiance from all those rom coms who isn’t right for spunky Jennifer Garner and Matthew McConaughey is scheduled to burst through the doors roughly three hours ago yelling I object. Jake’s pretty sure that that movie doesn’t actually exist, but the concept of it is kind of terrifying, because what if he is Random Wrong Fiance No. 23, except instead of Matthew McConaughey ruining things, the ceiling falls in, or Amy gets abducted by aliens. Or worst, Charles gets abducted by aliens. Or even worst, Gina’s baby gets abducted by aliens.

That would definitely be the worst of all, Jake thinks, because Gina would never let any of them forget that her progeny was probably the youngest person ever to do space travel.

Jake’s point, he thinks, getting back on topic – he should really be concentrating on his dancing, because he and Amy nearly just crashed into Holt and his mom, which, wow, that’s making him emotional, look at the ceiling, Jake – God, anyways. There’s gotta be a rule, somewhere, is what Jake’s trying to say. A rule, somewhere in the universe, right, that wedding days are off limits for terrible awful no-good bad stuff to happen. If it’s not a rule already, he’s making it a rule.

Or like, maybe Amy could make it a rule, because she’s a Sergeant now, so she has more authority than him.

Something – something like that.

That being said, it’s not like the universe hasn’t tried to derail this monumentous occasion (yes Amy, monumentous is a word, I didn’t mean monumental, I looked it up on the dictionary app – yes a reliable one, no, my voice is not cracking like it does when I’m telling a lie –)

It’s not like there haven’t already been some hardcore attempts at day-derailing, is all he’s saying, so maybe the rule thing is just wishful thinking on Jake’s part. Thus far, from eight forty-two this morning all the way until exactly two minutes ago when Charles burst into tears over the remains of the wedding cake again, approximately five near-catastrophes have occurred. At least five. If not more. Jake can’t remember if there were more or less, so he makes a mental list, just to be sure.

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  • Jake: Look, Rosa, you're obviously upset over Gina getting pregnant by some dude.
  • Amy: So, we've called this intervention to help you.
  • Rosa: I'm not upset over losing Gina.
  • Terry: We found you in the park throwing rocks at couples.
  • Rosa: Why should they get to be happy?!

anonymous asked:

the wedding question again but with dirkjake 👀

EVERYONE IS GRINNING LIKE MANIACS. Except Dirk who mostly looks like he is going to die. But in a good way. Mostly. Finally this domino falls. It has been such a long goddamn time coming. They get married on the island b/c of course they do. Jane won’t stop fiddling around with their suits, which btw, it is way too hot for. Jake is wearing one of those horrible suit outfits with shorts instead of pants. Jane is despairing to herself over this as she futzes with Jake’s boutonniere. Roxy is doing the same with Dirk except she’s enabling his terrible decisions b/c it’s fucking hilarious and it’s his wedding anyhow who cares wear what you want nahhhhhhh u look great ur very handsome *pats ur cheek* 

Jane takes one look at dirk trying to get away with wearing his shades at his wedding and just Looks at him. The Danger Look. John tries to argue in defense of the shades because god damn it it’s hilarious but Jane is not putting up with that for even half of one second sorry

Dave is determined to just be cool and wing everything flawlessly but whoops he works on a playlist for months and bolts up in the middle of the night in the days before the event like WHAT IF I FORGET– (he doesn’t forget anything and does great) (but no one misses the way his voice wavers a bit during his heavily irony laden best man speech)

Meanwhile Karkat is Jake’s best man and everyone expects his speech to be just as ironic as Dave’s with all the emotion carefully encased in six layers of denial but instead it’s just really nice and sweet and everyone is shocked and Jake is like holy shit you really do like me and immediately upon finishing the speech karkat rips it into little pieces and eats it, we will never speak of this again and by the way your shorts look STUPID like your STUPID FACE

Jake asks Jade to officiate it and she does so enthusiastically with the power vested in her as a literal god and also technically the captain of a giant golden ship. Rose and Kanaya arrive in absolutely fuckin’ bangin gowns and Kanaya is preening like yes finally I consider myself an Expert on this ceremonial endeavor and then she takes one look at the grooms and what theyre wearing and is like WHAT IS THIS. ROSE. HAVE THE RULES CHANGED. PLEASE TELL ME THE RULES HAVE NOT CHANGED THIS IS TERRIBLE ON MULTIPLE LEVELS. Rose is attempting to soothe her distress while simultaneously work in as many eyebrow waggles @ dirk as humanly possible. she is so smug. dirk is dying

Callie has discovered flower girls were/are a thing in some ceremonies and has volunteered herself, dirk and jake are like uhhhhhhhh obviously we arent gonna disappoint CALLIE do what you want and so Callie just covers the entire area in like flower petals, confetti, small hard candies and some small hard candy wrappers shhhhh she got too excited everyone pretends not to notice those. Terezi stands in back, arms crossed, eyes narrowed, she is outwardly Disgusted at how soft everyone has gotten. everyone is getting married. unbelievable. how many of these must I endure

connect [rich g. x fem!reader x jake d.]

( Can you do a Poly Rich x Fem Reader x Jake fic? Preferably where the reader is a big geek and likes to cosplay. (Probably met when reader was doing the costumes for the play)  )

ok but i love this

ok this also went from ‘big geek who likes to cosplay’ to ‘geek, likes to cosplay, does costumes for drama dept. and knows shit about theatre’ because i couldnt resist tbh

this is 10,000 words. brb gonna go die

pls dont expect this from me since this was just something that i got rly rly into writing and got rly carried away

warnings: uhhh none that i can think of other than general language but let me know if im forgetting stuff


        Alright. You could do this. All you had to do was come up with costumes, take measurements, make everything by yourself, and have everything ready in time for dress rehearsal to begin - along with keeping up with schoolwork, going to Hobby Lobby (which, thank fuck you were getting a huge discount for, because otherwise you’d basically be destroying your own shit in order to make anything) to get everything you needed,  and basically do everything your average person needs to survive. So basically, you were ready to die a bit more inside and start multitasking - and lose sleep, but that was normal. What wasn’t normal was the show you were doing costumes for. When Mr.Reyes mentioned doing Midsummer, you imagined you’d be spending your nights sewing costumes for fairies - not… zombies. But you forced a grin and told him you’d do your best, and clutched your sketchbook to your chest, the paper with the cast list and roles jammed in, and the script for the play sandwiched between binders in your bag.

        This was fine. You’d go and watch one of their rehearsals to get an idea of how long everyone would have between costume changes, and Mr.Reyes would be speaking his vision to you as you would hastily scribble notes down, basically becoming a bobble-head as you tried to take into account everything. You’d start doing homework during classes, read online for whatever book and bullshit your way through any quizzes. Maybe you could copy some (or almost all) answers off of Christine if she’d let you. Then eventually you’d start spending your last class taking a nap with Christine in the drama room while the rest of the class did whatever - or working on whatever schoolwork you could if you weren’t tired.

        The things you did for costume design.

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