jake in the box


-im going to use the art of DISTRACTION *throws a cup of pens and hides behind desk* *whispers* he’s gone
-”every day im hustlin”

-”HES EATING SNAKES Oh wait its just spaghetti” “its always spaghetti”
-charles’s memorial video for his dog jason who just humps everything
-rosa holding a small dog
-”so i like have a dog now?”
-”he died humping my boot! his little heart just gave out. he didn’t even finish” “ew”
-*unintelligible garble* me no talk good *takes more cold medicine* GIRABALDI
-”we just completed our first task!” “great! what was it terry?” “we fixed the bell!”
-”2 and a half meatballs each? what is this, kindergarten?”
-jake and holt bonding moments
-meet balthazar
-balthazar is a thirsty bitch
-amy being fed up with her boyfriend’s shit
-I thought i was walking after her im just gonna lay down *falls onto the floor*
-”were on strike, hunger strike!” “youre eating potato chips” “doesnt count, they have zero nutritional value”
-*high voice* thanks jake! *reg voice* you’re welcome nards
-I am offended i am angry i am very tired so im gonna take a nap but when i wake up? ohhh, you are in for it
-*4 hours later* HOW DARE YOU
-wow id roll my eyes so hard right now if it didnt make my brain burn
-”Terry caused structural damage”
-Rosa holding a funeral for jason even though she doesnt care abt him bc she knows it means so much to charles omg
-”ive only had arlo for a day and a half, but if anything happened to him i would kill everyone in this room and then myself”

bmc characters as things my dad has done
  • michael: walked into a bathroom empty handed and came out an hour and a half later in a onesie
  • rich: screamed "RUDE" when a bonfire burned him and tried to kick it
  • jake: came home with a box full of fake lizards and told me their names, all of which were wicked characters
  • jenna: comes home everyday and lays on my bed and talks shit about his co-workers
  • brooke: was once found in only gym shorts behind the chicken coop eating frozen yogurt (this was before I was born)
  • jeremy: flipped off someone who offered to tell him what was "cool" and "uncool"
  • chloe: was once the most popular kid at school then ruined it by getting a mullet and dying his hair white-blonde
  • christine: recited every song of hamilton just so he could sing it on my birthday, when we went to see it in chicago
  • squip: made co-worker cry by telling him eminem was dead
  • mr. heere: forgot to put his pants on when he left for work
  • mr. reyes: ate five hot pockets in a day so that no one else could take them

• Imagine an AU where Jake and Amy are famous movie stars. Jake Peralta’s famous for doing action movies while Amy Santiago’s famous for doing romantic movies. Director Holt works for the movie company Hollywood 99 Productions. He’s directing a movie called “Johnny And Dora” a buddy-cop rom com. He casts Jake and Amy as his leads.

• Rosa is Amy’s bodyguard. Terry is Jake’s bodyguard. Jake and Amy and their bodyguards meet and Terry fangirls over Amy. He’s watched all of her movies. Rosa would never admit it but she was secretly hyped to meet one of her favorite action movie stars. Jake and Amy instantly get into an argument over who’s more famous. They compare amount Instagram and Twitter followers and their success in the box office. They both start to feel like the next few months of filming are gonna be hell.

• Amy almost considers dropping out of the movie. She’s known for doing serious, romantic movies, not romcoms. She tells Rosa about how she’s feeling. Rosa lectures here. “You work in an industry dominated by white people. You know how often we get a Latina character that isn’t a maid? You need to do this movie on behalf of those Cuban little girls out there that want to see themselves represented on the big screen.” Amy realizes that Rosa’s right, she has to do this.

• Director Holt wants to promote the movie so he hires PR manager Gina Linetti. It’s her job to get fans excited for the movie. Gina comes up with the genius idea to have Jake and Amy pretend to date to get publicity. “Zac and Vanessa pretended to date during the High School Musical era, Rob and Kristen faked their relationship during Twilight. Why can’t Jake and Amy do the same?” Jake and Amy are horrified by this idea. Then Jake starts to choke back his tears. “Zanessa was fake? My whole life is a lie!”

• Jake and Amy hang out in the open where fans and paparazzi can find and film them. They force themselves to laugh and smile and look as in love as possible. Fans and magazines speculate that they’re dating. Peraltiago fan accounts are already starting to form, although most of those are Gina.

• Jake and Amy start to have fun with this. Their forced smiles start to become more genuine. Jake goofs around and pulls out chairs for Amy, holds open doors, gives her his jacket. Amy kisses him on the cheek. Sometimes they do it even when they don’t see any fans or paparazzi near by. They start having genuine conversations. Amy tells Jake about the time she went to a dinner party at Angelina Jolie’s house. Jake tells Amy about the time he threw a party in Dwayne The Rock Johnson’s beach house when he was out of town. They’re really starting to enjoy fake dating. More Peraltiago fan accounts are made on Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, and they call can’t wait to see Jake and Amy on “Johnny And Dora”

• One day, Jake and Amy are out and about and Amy notices Charles Boyle hiding in the bushes with his camera. Charles runs all the biggest celebrity gossip blogs. If he snapped a scandalous picture of them, Peraltiago would be on ever single magazine. Amy wants that promotion, so she grabs Jake’s face (and his ass) and kisses him hard. Jake’s startled at first, but starts to kiss her back. He wraps his arms around her waist. Amy pulls back when she sees from the corner of her eye that Charles scurried away.

• Jake regains his composure and says, “Amy, I knew there was something between us, but I wasn’t sure if you felt it too.” Amy realizes that she never really cared for PR. She kissed Jake because she wanted to. They start dating for real. Now that they’re actually dating, they crave more privacy. It’s hard to have special moments to keep to yourself when fans are filming you on their phone wherever you go. Peraltiago fans go crazy. There are Peraltiago fics all over Tumblr, Wattpad, and AO3. Gina and Rosa read this fics and laugh over how poorly written some of them are. Then they come across one really good fic and realize that Terry wrote it. He’s been posting his own Peraltiago fics on Tumblr. They confront him about it. He says, “Terry can’t help it! Terry loves love!”

• Months pass and it’s finally time for the red carpet premiere of “Johnny And Dora” and Gina sets up a livestream of the red carpet so fans can watch from home. It goes great until a drunk Teddy stumbles onto stage. He’s done movies with Amy before and hooked up with her once, years ago. He’s been pursuing her ever since.

• He slow claps and walks towards Jake and Amy. He faces the camera. “Unbelievable. I can’t believe you people actually believe this charade. This is all clearly PR!” Amy calls for security but Rosa (and Gina) were elsewhere.

• Jake steps between Amy and Teddy. “How dare you! I love Amy!” the crowd gasps. Amy faces Jake. “Jake, I love you too!” the two of them embrace in a passionate kiss. Teddy starts laughing and hiccuping. “Wow, Amy, no wonder you have two Oscars! I actually believed that you were in love with Snake Peralta!” #SnakePeralta starts trending on Twitter. Amy gets in Teddy’s face. “Yes, I do have two Oscars, because I had to pick up the slack whenever we did a movie! You’re acting’s so bland that all you have is a Teen Choice Award!” The entire room goes DAAAAMMMMNNNNN!!!

• Jake pushes Teddy off of Amy. “She’s not into you, Teddy Bear!” Teddy puts up his fists. “Oh yeah? How about this? We fight. Winner get’s Amy!” Jake’s disgusted and lectures, “Women are not prizes that can just be won! They can make their own decisions, and Amy chooses me!” #FeministPeralta starts trending on Twitter. Jake decides to declare his love for Amy right then and there in front of all of these people. He gets down on one knee and reaches into his pocket. “Amy Santiago, will you–”

• “–JAKE NO STOP IT!” Amy yells. Jake stands up and whispers into her ear, “Thank you so much for rejecting me, I didn’t have a ring in my pocket. I was going to tie a string around your finger.” Terry finally gets a hold of Teddy and gets him to leave the premises.“ After that, everybody knew for sure that Jake and Amy are in love and nothing about them was PR. #PeraltiagoIsEngame starts trending on Twitter.

• “Johnny And Dora” is a huge success, it gets great reviews and does well in the box office. Charles never stops stalking Jake and Amy and selling pics of them together to celebrity gossip sites. Jake and Amy’s careers continue to grow. They become the new Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively. Jake proposes for real five years later and they have a daughter named Jenny two years later.

• Gina Linetti gets her own reality tv show of her life in the Boyle-Linetti house. Keeping Up With The Boyle-Linetti’s exposes the glamorous life of Gina Linetti, her step brother that she’s banged, Charles, and her girlfriend Rosa Diaz. Charles uses this opportunity of living with Rosa and Gina to constantly snap pics of them together, because fans sure do love them some Dianetti.

• Amy wins three more Oscars. Jake wins two Oscars. Director Holt wins several awards for his directing. Gina breaks the world record for winning the most Teen Choice Awards. Rosa becomes a bisexual icon. Terry cries tears of joy because Jake arranged for him to meet his idol, Meryl Streep. The 99 rule Hollywood.


Jake Ellenberger (https://www.instagram.com/p/BQ3iF9lgw1N/)

I didn’t? (Peter Parker x Reader)

A/N: Based on the Tumblr post…you know the one. Couldn’t find a screenshot of it, so if somebody has it please add it on!

Summary (sort of): Peter Parker is bloody forgetful. Like damn.

Word Count: .5k (I might do a part two; I don’t really know how to work links though)

Originally posted by tomhollandnews

Keep reading

Find Out (Connor Murphy X Reader)

WC: 2149

Warnings: Swearing, dorkiness, they early get kicked out of Bath and Body Works

Tagged: @lildipstick @bellasabb @ahhhhamilton

Summary: Y/N, Connor and Zoe decide to take a trip to the mall. Things escalate in Bath and Body Works

A/N: I combined two requests here. One for the general plot of this, and one for the reader wearing Connor’s sweatshirt.

I knocked on the door of the Murphy household, a bag slung across my shoulders. The door opened to reveal Mr Murphy, a slight smile on his face.

“Hello Y/N. I take it you’re here for Zoe.” He said and I nodded, smiling at him.

“Yes, Mr Murphy.” I said and Mr Murphy chuckled, leading me into the house. I took a seat at the breakfast bar  crossing my legs.

“Please, call me Larry.” He said and I smiled, nodding my head. Suddenly I heard footsteps, and I turned to see Zoe standing there, a smile on her face.

“Y/N!” Zoe called, pulling me into a tight hug. I chuckled, returning the embrace.

“I’ll leave you two to it. Just make sure the car comes back in one piece.” Larry said, chuckling as he deposited the car keys on the kitchen bench.

“Thanks dad. We’ll see you this afternoon!” Zoe said, letting go of me and pressing a kiss on her father’s cheek.

“You wanna head upstairs? I just have to sort some things out before we leave.” Zoe said and I nodded, trailing after her as she walked upstairs.

I walked into her room, and took a seat on her bed. “Hey, do you have a jacket I could borrow? I’m freezing my butt off right now.” I said and Zoe chuckled, sitting down next to me.

“Unfortunately, I do not because they’re all in the wash. However, Connor has like 50 jackets, so you can just steal one of his. I’m sure he won’t mind.” Zoe said and I nodded, feeling my cheeks heat up.

“His room is just next door.” Zoe said, pointing down the hall. I nodded, walking out to the room next to Zoe’s.

I walked into Connor’s room, praying to God he wasn’t in there. I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding when I saw the empty room.

I noticed a black sweatshirt lying haphazardly across his bed, and I picked it up, feeling the soft fabric. I slipped it on, and noticed that it was considerably large.

I didn’t really care, because I was a lot warmer, and I felt a sense of comfort at the fabric enveloping me.

I walked into Zoe’s room, and Zoe smirked slightly at the sight of me in Connor’s sweater.

“You do realise that he adores that sweater, right?” Zoe said and my cheeks flushed pink as I fiddled with the hem of it.

“It’s really warm.” I muttered and Zoe chuckled, taking me by the wrist and leading me downstairs. We were back in the kitchen, and Zoe smiled widely at me.

“You ready to get going, Y/N?” Zoe said, picking up the car keys and tossing them about in her hands.

“I’m ready if you are.” I said, adjusting my bag slightly. We were about to walk out the door, but we were interrupted by Connor.

“Where are you guys going?” Connor asked, and I glanced over at Zoe awkwardly. Suddenly the sweater I was wearing seemed to weigh a ton.

“We’re going to the mall. What, you wanna join us or something?” Zoe said, putting her hands on her hips. Connor froze slightly, his eyes trained on me.

“I, uh, what are you, is that mine?” Connor stammered, pointing to my sweater. I felt my cheeks flush pink and I tugged on the sweater.

“Zoe didn’t have any and she said you wouldn’t mind if I borrowed one.” I blurted out, waving my hands about as I spoke.

Connor’s cheeks went pink, and Zoe smirked slightly. “Are you coming or not, Connor?” Zoe asked, her smirk widening.

“I, um, sure. What harm could it do?” Connor muttered and Zoe beamed, shooting me a not-so-sly wink.

“Awesome. Let’s go, then.” Zoe said, opening the door and marching out. We scrambled after her, and all piled into the car.

I was in the front next to Zoe, and Connor sat awkwardly in the back. “So, uh, what will this trip contain, exactly?” Connor asked, fiddling with his fingers.

“Well, we have to stop at Bath and Body Works because I have a gift card from Alana I wanna spend, and I know Y/N will want to stop at Hot Topic. She wouldn’t stop ranting about the new Guardians Of The Galaxy Volume 2 pop vinyls they got in.” Zoe said and I felt my cheeks burn.

“That, uh, that sounds cool. I like Hot Topic.” Connor said and I smiled slightly, much to Zoe’s amusement.

Zoe turned on the radio, and I relaxed, sinking into my chair slightly. Soon we were at the mall, and we all got out of the car eagerly.

“First stop is…” Zoe said, gesturing for me to give her a shop name.

“Hot Topic.” I blurted out and Zoe groaned, an affectionate smile on her face.

“Of course it’s Hot Topic. Let’s go then.” Zoe said, dragging both Connor and I along with her.

“So, uh, do you have a favourite Marvel movie?” Connor asked as we trailed behind Zoe.

“I love both the Guardians Of The Galaxy movies, obviously, but I do love The Avengers. The first one, that is.” I said, rambling slightly.

Connor chuckled, and nodded his head in agreement. “I could agree with that. I’m not a big Marvel fan, but I don’t mind The Avengers.” Connor said and I gasped, placing a hand on my chest.

“Next time I come over, we are having a Marvel movie marathon.” I said and Connor nodded, a slight smile on his face.

“I hate to interrupt whatever’s going on here, but we have arrived!” Zoe exclaimed, gesturing towards the store in front of us.

My smile widened as I marched in, taking in a deep breath. “And I’m home.” I muttered, earning a laugh from both of the Murphy siblings.

“Hey Y/N.” I turned to see my friend Jake behind the counter, a smile wide on his face.

“Hey Jake! You got those Volume 2 pop vinyls for me?” I asked and Jake chuckled, nodding his head.

“They’re out the back. Why don’t you guys wait here, and I’ll go get them?” Jake said and I nodded, smiling brightly at him.

“Thanks Jake!” I shouted, earning a laugh from him as he trailed away.

“So, uh, who’s that?” Connor asked, his voice suddenly a little lower than before.

“That’s Jake Dillinger. He and I go way back. I don’t know if he’s gonna have a maid of honour at him and Rich’s wedding, but if he does, I’ve called dibs.” I said and Connor’s eyes widened.

“Wait. Is he… gay?” Connor asked and I shook my head, leaning back on the counter.

“Nope. He’s pansexual, and Rich is bi, but they’re happy together.” I said and Connor nodded, and I noticed that he seemed a lot less tense now.

“Here we go! As per your request, we have the complete set! Star Lord, Rocket, Gamora, Drax, Mantis, Ego and last, but certainly not least, Baby Groot.” Jake said, dumping the boxes onto the counter.

“You’re a legend, Dillinger.” I said, handing him a fifty dollar bill. Jake took the bill and put it in the register, a smile on his face.

“So, how’re things with you and Rich going?” I asked as he packed the boxes into a bag for me.

Jake’s cheeks went red and I smirked, accepting my change. “Rich and I are going pretty steady. We went out to dinner last night, and it was awesome.” Jake said and I smiled at him.

“That’s great. Well, thanks for the pop vinyls. I’ll see you at the play, which I’m looking forward to seeing.” I said, winking at him. He chuckled and waved me off.

I looked around to see where Zoe and Connor had gone, and chuckled to myself when I saw them trying on various accessories.

“Yo, Murphy’s! Let’s go!” I called, and their heads whipped in my direction. They put down whatever they were holding and made their way over to me.

“Are you sure you can carry that bag? It looks pretty heavy.” Zoe said and I shrugged my shoulders.

“I’ve carried heavier. You keep forgetting that I was a scout when I was younger. We went on some pretty nasty hikes.” I said and Zoe nodded, walking alongside me.

“I didn’t know you were a scout.” Connor said and I smiled at him.

“Yeah. I wasn’t one for long because it was getting too expensive, but it was fun while it lasted.” I said, glancing over at Connor.

His hair was hanging loose, and his eyes were shining slightly. “You guys! We have arrived at Bath and Body Works. Aka, heaven!” Zoe said, and I chuckled to myself.

“Has she always been this obsessive over this store?” I asked Connor, and he started laughing loudly.

“For as long as I can remember, she’s had some weird love affair with this place.” Connor responded as we walked in.

I shook my head and looked over at Zoe, who was already sniffing various containers of body lotions and soaps.

“Jesus Christ.” I muttered, eliciting a laugh from Connor. I walked up to Zoe, and took a look at the vast wall of products.

I picked up a bottle of vanilla bean perfume, and sprayed a bit. I let out a sigh, the smell flooding my nose.

“Now I understand why you love this place so much.” I said, and Zoe gave me a knowing look.

“Connor looks so lost here, oh my god.” Zoe said, and I turned to look at Connor. I bit back a laugh when I saw him awkwardly walking around the store.

“Hey, Connor.” I called and he turned around, his eyes wide. “I have an idea.” I said, and Connor gave me a curious look as he walked towards me.

“What’s your big idea, Y/L/N?” Connor asked, crossing his arms over his chest. I smirked and whipped out the perfume bottle, suddenly spraying him.

“What the hell?” Connor said, swatting at the air around him. I cackled and put the bottle down, noticing the wide smile on Zoe’s face.

“Perfume war. Find the best, or worst, smelling perfume you can, and attack the other person with it. Ready? Go!” I said and Connor sprinted off, desperately trying to find a bottle.

I found one labelled Toasted Marshmallow, and I smirked, plucking it off the shelf. I snuck up behind Connor, but he turned around just as I sprayed the perfume.

“Jesus Christ! That tastes so bad, oh my god.” Connor said, wiping his mouth vigorously. I doubled over with laughter, and Zoe joined in.

“I take it that it doesn’t taste like marshmallow. What does it taste like?” I said, wiping away a stray tear.

“Why don’t you find out?” Connor said, and I gulped, getting ready to sprint off. What I wasn’t ready for was Connor placing his lips on mine.

I was so caught up in the feeling of Connor’s lips against mine, and his hands on my waist, that the horrid taste didn’t register instantly.

Unfortunately the taste did register, and I immediately pulled away when it did. I wiped my mouth, and Connor started cackling with laughter.

“Oh my god, your face!” Connor said, bending over and slapping his knee as he laughed.

“It’s not funny! That tastes awful!” I whined, scrubbing at the corners of my mouth.

“Now you know how I felt!” Connor exclaimed, running a hand through his hair.

“You’re so mean.” I said, crossing my arms over my chest. Connor’s face fell slightly, and he put a hand on my shoulder.

“But you’re ok, right?” Connor said and I nodded, glaring at him slightly. Connor smiled at me, and I felt my stomach fill up with butterflies at the gesture.

“Come on lovebirds. We should probably go before we get kicked out.” Zoe said, steering us out of the shop. I felt my cheeks heat up, and I noticed that Connor’s cheeks were pink as well.

“By the way, I, uh, I think you look really good in my sweater.” Connor said, and my stomach did a flip.

“Thanks.” I squeaked, pressing a tentative kiss to his cheek. Luckily, his skin didn’t taste like the perfume, and I took a hold of one of his hands.

“I really want to kiss you right now, but I know I can’t.” Connor whispered, and I froze slightly. My cheeks were probably redder than a tomato, but I didn’t care.

“You two are disgusting, ugh.” Zoe said, and Connor wrapped an arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer to him.

“Us, disgusting? Never. What do you think, Y/N?” Connor said, and I shrugged my shoulders, still in a state of disbelief.

“I couldn’t agree with you more.”

just a little bit of your heart is all i want

Jake Peralta doesn’t like to snoop.

Okay, that’s a lie. He can’t help himself. Any sign of a secret threatening to be exposed, he needs to get to the bottom of it. According to him, it’s a natural human instinct. Everyone else thinks it’s just a Jake Peralta instinct. 

So when he glances down at the trash can next to the bathroom sink while brushing his teeth one night, a rectangular blue box takes over his eyesight. 

And - you guessed it - he can’t help himself.

He reaches down and picks it up, his eyes scanning the small print over and over. Then the panic sets in and the assumptions roll through his mind. He has two options right now - freak out and ask Amy if they need to start baby-proofing their apartment, or calmly ask her what the hell is going on.

He decides to go with the latter.

“Hey, babe?” he calls out, walking back into the bedroom with the box clutched in his hand.

“Yeah?” Amy’s sitting up against the headboard, a concentrated frown hiding behind her reading glasses, and today’s copy of the New York Times sprawled across her lap (she likes to do the Sudoku puzzles at night. Jake doesn’t question it anymore).

“Is there anything you need to tell me?” Jake asks, holding the box up in plain sight.

Amy glances up at him, then at the box. Then back at him, then back at the box, then back to her newspaper. “Nope,” she replies, a small grin appearing as she scribbles a bunch of numbers down on the page.

“You sure? Because this little guy right here is telling me something different.”

Amy rolls her eyes, taking off her glasses. “Jake-”

“Ames, if you were a murderer, you’d be terrible at it. I mean come on, you can’t even hide this evidence properly! You’re literally asking me to arrest you.”


“Wait, are you a murderer? Oh my god, have you been pretending to be a detective this entire time? Captain Holt would be so disappointed in you.”


“Actually you know what? That’s pretty good, faking being a police officer to cover up your crimes, maybe you can get extra points for sneaky behavior-“

“JAKE!” Amy yells. He stops rambling, finally, and stares at her.

“Did you actually look inside the box?” Amy asks. “Or did you just jump to conclusions as always?”

Jake frowns, looking down at the box again. He moves over to the bed, sitting on the edge, then shakes the box lightly. It rattles, indicating that there is indeed something inside that he probably should have investigated before. He reaches with his other hand to open the box, but stops and throws it to Amy.

“I don’t wanna touch it,” he explains with a shudder.

Amy lets out an exasperated sigh - bed time is never boring - before grabbing the box and pulling out the small white stick and holding it up. “It’s negative,” she says, pointing at the single pink line, “see?”

Jake squints at the object, feeling his body instantly relax when he sees one line instead of two. “Okay,” he lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “Negative. Okay. Cool cool cool.”

Amy gives him a tight-lipped smile, slipping the test back into the box. “Don’t worry, no tiny humans will be running around this place any time soon,” she reassures him, throwing the box into the small rubbish basket underneath the nightstand.

Jake smiles back but it doesn’t reach his eyes. He slips under the bed covers with a sigh, sliding into the warmth with an odd feeling gnawing at his heart. He still has a million questions about this insane little object that almost just had the ability to change his life. And Amy’s no moron. She can sense when something’s wrong with him.

“Okay, what’s up with you?” she asks, shifting closer to him.

“Why did you take the test in the first place?” Jake blurts out, surprising himself because he was pretty sure he’d said that in his head and not out loud.

Amy takes a deep breath and shrugs. “I…was late,” she admits, a light shade of crimson heating her cheeks.

“But you’re on birth control.”

“Yeah but it’s not always 100% effective, I wanted to be sure. And I didn’t think it was necessarily worth hiding because it wasn’t positive. No biggie, right?”

“Right,” Jake replies. A wave of relief washes over him and he relaxes. “Right, right, right. So, no kids yet?” he asks, raising an eyebrow.

“No, not yet,” Amy replies, linking her arm with his.

“But…one day?” he asks hopefully.

If there’s ever been a moment that’s melted Amy’s heart, it’s this one. She grabs his hand, linking her fingers with his gently. “One day for sure,” she promises, kissing him softly on the cheek and resting her chin on his shoulder.

“So just to be completely sure, you’re definitely not pregnant?”

“Well, I’m not late anymore, babe.”

“Oh, gross.”

B99 Fanfic Recommendations (Peraltiago Stylez)

Since I’ll be off to visit my sis for about a week now and then will be busy with an internship for the following 6 weeks, I’ll probably not be able to post much during that time. So I decided to assemble a nice, mostly fluffy collection of b99 stories centered around Jake and Amy I very much enjoy :)

Canon (or canon-divergent or possible-future fic… just non-AU ;) :


  • Enigmatic Easter Bunny by huffellepuff (“The Nine-Nine does a Secret Santa of sorts, and Jake gets Amy.Takes place very shortly before 2x21, Det. Dave Majors.” This is so sweet!)
  • Untitled Prompt 1 by @elsaclack (”What if Amy and Teddy got engaged during Jake’s undercover op and when Jake’s back the wedding preparations are in full swing and he tries to be supportive but can’t bring himself to go to the wedding?“ It’s by em, so of course it’s friggin’ amazing, duh! ;)
  • Untitled Prompt 2 by @elsaclack​ (”The night of Captain Latvia, Jake talks to Amy about his thoughts on what Boyle said about Jake never becoming a dad.” Aaah, I love this one so much! So great!)
  • Untitled Prompt 3 by @elsaclack​ (Amy finds Jake’s folder about her Dad while he’s still in prison. It’s… so… great? And the ending is super sweet!)
  • Untitled Prompt 4 by @elsaclack​ (Jake moves in with Amy and Amy finds a box with his mixtapes… one of them labeled with the date he went into witness protection. Good lord, this is so amazing! Just… amazing.)
  • Untitled Prompt 5 by @elsaclack (A father’s day fic. I squealed so hard reading this the first time! It’s super cute!)
  • Oxford Comma by grapefruity (”She’s got a system, and it isn’t going to come to a standstill just because her messy, disorganized, wreck of a partner makes her sometimes feel things.” The evolution of Jake and Amy’s relationship from Amy’s perspective. Really, really great! I also really love the description of their first encounter - heelies are involved; it’s amazing ^^)
  • Untitled Prompt by @haylestorming​ (”Amy and Jake talking about their future after the Rosa/Pimento (cancelled) wedding” ADORABLE!)
  • Untitled Prompt by @hotelsweet (”Random girl at bar starts flirting with Jake, Jake is clueless and it all goes right over his head, Amy steps in and gets her to back off” Do I really need to say more? It’s glorious. ^^)
  • what’s a home without you here? by @jcobsperalta (”amy comes home, jake is still in prison.“ Oh boy, my heart! But great!)
  • you’re a sky full of stars by @oceanvirus (”Jake discovers Amy’s secret stargazing spot, but he can’t seem to focus on constellations as much as he can focus on the one excitedly pointing them out. Takes place between Boyle-Linetti Wedding and Det. Dave Majors.” So. Friggin’. Cute.)
  • it’s amazing what baking can do by @sergeant-santiago (Jake and Amy face their biggest challenge yet: baking a cake for Charles. Whee! It’s super fun and cute and awesome!!)
  • all the way home i’ll be warm by @the-pontiac-bandit (“We’re in an abandoned lodge in the middle of nowhere. Sure, you’re totally right, nothing bad could ever happen here.” Cute Christmas fic with all the Santiagos and Jake. Sooo adorable! Get ready for pure joy!)


  • breaking the first rule by @heart-eyes-santiago (“When did Jake Peralta fall in love with Amy Santiago? And when did she fall in love with him?” Soo good! Really sweet insights on Jake and Amy’s thoughts throughout the show. Complete. 4 Chapters.)
  • and all my world is losing light by @jakelovesamy (“Day one is listening to Captain Holt telling them not to give up hope, but then overhearing him calling Karen, and telling her in a quiet voice that her son has been sentenced to 15 years, telling her not to cry. Day one is spent filled with fear, and tears, and she punches a wall in their bedroom (because it is still theirs) so hard that the skin on her knuckles splits open. Day one is a cold side of the bed and a thick silence filling up the space where Jake used to be. Day one is overwhelming, plain and simple.” Amy finds out she’s pregnant after the end of S4. Get ready for an emotional rollercoaster of awesomeness! Incredibly good. Complete. 2 Chapters.)
  • it’s only me who wants to wrap around your dreams by @oceanvirus (”In which Jake Peralta showing up at Amy Santiago’s door in the middle of the night in need of a place to stay is simultaneously the best and worst thing that’s ever to happened to them.” temporary roomates… Oh yeah! Excited for more! In-Progress. 1/6 Chapters as of yet.)
  • Nothing’s Normal in Texas by @okayokaycoolcoolcool (”She started feeling something in Texas. Maybe it was the mind-numbing fear that came with being locked in jail unarmed with murderers.  She probably could’ve blamed how annoyed she was at Jake and his tendency to jump in and make her job harder. Although, now that she thought of it, it was probably just the fake pregnancy that was making her mind funny.  It was probably nothing.” Or was it?! ;) Very cool. Complete. 8 Chapters.)
  • What to Expect by @three-drink-amy (”After a crazy night together, Amy finds herself pregnant with Jake’s baby. They have to learn to be parents while navigating their partnership. Set in season 2.” Really interesting read! In-Progress. 9 Chapters so far.)



  • you, me, and the moon by @heart-eyes-santiago (“Amy Santiago’s whole world is turned upside when her brother, Manny, invites his best friend and college roommate to stay for the summer. Enter Jake Peralta, his inability to win a game of scrabble, and his ability to win Amy’s heart.” Cuuute!)


  • if you want me to stay, i will stay by your side by @elsaclack (“For someone whose job requires an unusually large amount of personal risk on a near daily basis, Amy Santiago has not dedicated much time considering how she might one day die. The vague assumption that it will probably happen on the job - via stray bullets or careening cars or massive explosions - has been enough to satisfy any musing.She never imagined doctor’s visits or specialist consultations or diagnoses. She never imagined hospital gowns and thinning hair and chemotherapy. And she never, ever imagined cancer.“ 50/50 AU.The Ultimate Angst fic, but it’s amazing! (Better have some tissues ready, though.) In-Progress. 6/11 Chapters as of yet.)
  • Amy and Jake’s Epic Detour by @hotelsweet (”When 18 yr old Amy Santiago needs to make the trip to New York City for her first year of college, family friend Jake Peralta steps in as a favour- but the week that’s about to follow is one that neither of them could have predicted.” THIS. This story is an experience, my friend, and you really should read this because it’s amazing and has an awesome playlist for every chapter and is just AMAZING, okay? Okay. Complete. 10 Chapters.)
  • everything is easier when you’re home by @sergeant-santiago (”Amy Santiago loves her new apartment. One bedroom, one bathroom, good neighborhood and decent rent. One thing she does not love? Her neighbors. More precisely, whoever lives in the apartment that shares a paper thin wall with hers.” Neighbor AU. Awesome! In-Progress. 4 Chapters so far.)
  • Camps Safe and Amusing by Talking_Bird (”Amy Santiago was NOT excited to be a camp counselor for a bunch of bratty twelve-year-olds, but she was even less excited to have a jerk like Jake Peralta be her group partner. A fluffy, slow-burn fic with awkward, nerdy Amy and cocky, insensitive Jake.“ Really cool and sweet, it has an awesome bet and everything! Complete. 8 Chapters.)
  • You’re the Only Song I Want to Hear by Talking_Bird (”Amy is having a really hard time adjusting to college life as an Art Major, but a mysterious pianist in the music conservatory keeps her sane // Jake just wants to do what he loves, but everyone else wants him to be practical. Everyone, that is, except for one person…College AU.” Highly recommended because it’s stupid good. Really. Plus, there is a great piano piece to go with each chapter. Complete. 10 Chapters. )
  • The Detective and The Squad by @three-drink-amy  (”Amy Santiago is a brilliant detective, quickly burning out on her job. Jake Peralta is a famous actor recently relocated to NYC for his new TV show “The Squad.” What will happen when Amy is assigned to be the police consultant for Jake’s new show?” Goood… Really good. In-Progress. 6 Chapters so far.)
  • around my heart like a coronary artery by @the-pontiac-bandit (”Amy Santiago enters NYU Medical School with prep books, a 60-set of colored pens, and a plan. Jake Peralta walks in with gummy bears and orange soda.” Medical students AU. Every chapter represents a year. AMAZING! In-Progress. 2/5 Chapters so far.) 

Sooo… this is a fic rec of quite respectable size, huh? ^^; Would anybody be interested in me continuing/updating this? Let me know! (I assembled this in various stages of consciousness/being awake, so I’m sorry if some of my “reviews/thoughts” on some of the fics are a little too rambly or short - I love them all so much, my dear writers; you are all incredibly awesome! 💕 )

hear the choir bells sing

so i’ll thank erica (@startofamoment) one more time for this absolutely amazing list of prompts, and anonymous, who requested that i do this one. (title from marry you, by bruno mars)

25. It’s only half an hour into this stakeout, but to Jake it feels like it’s been an eternity. There’s a ring box burning a hole in his pocket, and a jumbled mess of ideas in his head. He knows Amy wouldn’t want him turning to anyone for approval, but the longer they sit in this car, the more inclined he is to ask Holt for advice.

Something is bothering Detective Jake Peralta. Raymond Holt isn’t sure what quite yet, but Peralta has only spoken three times since they parked the car half an hour ago, and, perhaps even more concerning, Peralta let Holt choose the music. Brahm dances through the still air of the car, but Raymond can’t even bring himself to enjoy it.

That’s a lie. He’s enjoying it a little.

At minute thirty eight of what is possibly the least interesting stakeout in history, Peralta, who has been eerily still, begins to fidget. By minute forty seven, he has maintained 247 consecutive seconds of movement, and Raymond is beginning to wonder if he should say something to the boy, who is now sitting cross-legged and drumming along to the beat of the classical music he claims to hate.

At minute forty eight, Ray Holt has convinced himself that he should break the silence. For all his talk of hating conversation, he secretly enjoys the constant stream of consciousness that flows out of Peralta’s mouth - an excellent source of white noise (at the thought, his lips twitch into what he considers a broad grin as he remembers his first stakeout at the Nine Nine, years earlier, when Santiago told him he should view Peralta’s constant monologue as just that. She was right - she almost always is.)

He decides he should be careful in how he inquires about Detective Peralta’s mental wellbeing - after all, he has no desire to make him uncomfortable or step over the line of appropriate workplace small talk. Currently, his two top ideas for ways to broach the silence are commenting on the weather and inquiring about the store at which Peralta purchased his leather jacket. Before he can settle on the appropriate course of action, however, Peralta has cleared his throat and (finally) settled again in his seat, his twitchy hands stilling and his legs unfolding and moving back to the floor of the car.

“Sir, how did you and Kevin get engaged?”

Keep reading



Jake: Do you hate trash cans? Is that your problem? Do you just HATE TRASH CANS?!!
Rachel: Cassie, Cassie, Cassie. When you start taking advice from Marco, the end of civilization is very near.
Tobias: Looks like a Yeerk.
Cassie: Where the psychic frogs are from?
Marco: The man is a brussels sprout.
Ax: I merely wish to enjoy the brown globules!