jacob's ramblings

things i could listen to tom say for hours

•darling (duh)

•yeah i’m a trained actor mother fucker

•metal gauntlet

•i told you guys to get me a proper chair…


•she’s built like a brick shit house

•i’m spider-man so shut your face

•ask me anything, jacob

•i have so much money im batman



•i need a boxing trainer thaaanks

•pencil-vania, not penizee-lavania

•hey uh do you wanna uh maybe do like the spider-man kiss thing


•really soft baby hands

•ello mate, you alright?


homestuck is easily the worst possible webcomic to convince someone to get into if they only know other webcomics

“oh so how long did it run?”

for 7 years over 7 acts

“wow! so like one act per year?”

nah the 6th act ran for like 5 years and then the 7th act is literally one page

“oh, well how long is it by pages?”

like over 10,000 pages, and a bunch of them are fucking loaded with just a bunch of reading

“holy fuck! well at least did it have a good resolution?”

not really, the whole point of the story was that stories don’t matter and the whole ending was meant to self-awaredly retcon everything to be good. plus some of us are convinced it isn’t even over yet.

“okay well at least tell me it’s easy to follow”

turn back now my friend

  • me: *enters a room wearing heely's, an underarmor sweatshirt, nike basketball shorts, sunglasses, and adidas knee-high socks. i have a football in one hand and a bottle of gatorade in the other, and i smell strongly of axe cologne. i sit on a chair backwards, pushing my sunglasses down to the tip of my nose*
  • me: i just don't understand why the writers of newsies treated sarah jacobs solely as the obligatory love interest for jack kelly. i mean, she's a young jewish woman in the nineteenth century for fuck's sake. she had so much potential. not to mention, in the original script, she had her own song and a whole lot of character development that, in the end, got cut. and as much as i adore katherine plumber, was it really necessary to cut sarah out of the staged version of newsies? it would have been so much more interesting to see katherine and sarah getting to interact. sarah jacobs deserves so much more than she got, and i will not rest peacefully until we solve this issue.

little details in fantastic beasts that i gasped/screamed at/loved:

  • at his macusa hearing they say newt’s older brother was a war hero
  • which gives me a totally different perspective on newt’s childhood and life
  • he’s the carefree, daring, wild younger brother who can’t fit in, living under the shadow of his amazing brother like how must that have affected his development as a person
  • (btw newt was friends with leta because they were both outsiders which makes my heart hurt)
  • worrying means you suffer twice” A PLUS NEWT A PLUS
  • also newt just like casually handing jacob heavy duty protection and tossing him into the fray
  • grindelwald snarling at newt in the interrogation room, wondering how albus dumbledore could possibly find this young unassuming man so amazing, so likable, so defendable 
  • (also i’m like 150% sure newt scamander was rubeus hagrid’s personal hero)
  • the necklace graves gives credence is the deathly hallows symbol aka gellert grindelwald’s claimed sign
  • i saw that lil flash and s c r e a m e d 
  • also i find percival graves and porpentina goldstein’s relationship so interesting
  • like they must have worked together as aurors
  • percival looks the sorriest when the president orders tina out of headquarters
  • and he comes downstairs straightaway to see her after that incident in the dusty macusa basement
  • and tina looks so betrayed when he shackles her alongside newt and jacob
  • what must their relationship have been like? mentor and mentee? close friends? colleagues? just something that’s been on my mind
  • aka “mother’s here” like can he be any more precious ?????
  • “wilds of arizona”. just…like i never thought i would hear that phrase ever lol
  • newt being dragged away in chains, desperately begging macusa not to harm his creatures, that they’re not dangerous, that they’re not dangerous, please don’t hurt them
  • queenie calling jacob honey
  • teasing her sister for being the careerwoman and tina looking embarrassed but proud
  • queenie casually strolling through macusa with the intent of busting her friends and sister outta there
  • trying loads of unlocking spells until jacob (bless his muggle soul) just kicks the damn door down
  • tina seeing her mother in the pool 
  • thinking about her relationship with her mother and how much she must have missed her parents, especially since they died at such an early age
  • newt begging tina to trust him, that he’ll catch her, and her visible hesitation
  • she must have had such a difficult life but is still so capable of love and affection and trust #porpentinagoldsteinisabamf
  • also that spell the goldstein sisters do to change their clothes like i need that
  • also newt’s small concession to fashion when he changes his fun bowtie into something a tad more formal
  • newt casually asking jacob how people trust him so quickly
  • that passing remark that people generally find newt annoying, like it’s so matter-of-fact, made me :’(
  • the tears in newt’s eyes when he’s saying farewell to jacob
  • jacob’s unabashed delight at seeing all these magical creatures and hearkening back to his wild days on the expedition teams in wwi
  • also can we take a moment to realize that jacob is a veteran and he’s probably seen so much grief and heartbreak and death and he is still so upbeat and helpful and purely genuinely excited at seeing new amazing things
  • and all he wants to do is open a bakery and make people happy like :’)
  • but they made us cocoa!”
  • jacob and queenie bonding over their grandfathers’ birds and mutual love of cooking
  • that little spring in tina’s step after newt asks if he can come back in person
  • not to mention newt’s lil pause on the gangway and that brief moment when he stands, contemplating, and then hurries away
  • jacob’s hand reflexively reaching for his murtlap bite as queenie smiles at him
  • that deja vu moment when newt bumps into jacob and leaves him the silver occamy shells
  • remembering and trying to help his friend fulfill his lifelong dream
  • every single second of newt’s erumpent mating dance
  • pickett blowing a raspberry after newt’s stern little talk about sulking

if you have more fun lil tidbits you caught, please add!! i’d love to see what you guys saw too :) 

so my brother and I wanted to do a Bones rewatch with all the recurring villains, so here’s the list of episodes for anyone who wanted to do the same.

Howard Epps:
1x07 - A Man On Death Row.
2x04 - The Blonde In The Game.
2x12 - The Man In The Cell.

The Gormogon:
3x01 - The Widow’s Son in the Windshield
3x06 - Intern in the Incinerator
3x08 - The Knight on the Grid
3x15 - The Pain in the Heart 

The Gravedigger:
2x09 - Aliens in a Spaceship
4x14 - The Hero in the Hold
5x21 - The Boy with the Answer
6x11 - The Bullet in the Brain

Jacob Broadsky:
6x11 - The Bullet in the Brain
6x15 - The Killer in the Crosshairs
6x22 - The Hole in the Heart

Christopher Pelant:
7x06 - The Crack in the Code
7x13 - The Past in the Present
8x01 - The Future in the Past
8x12 - The Corpse in the Canopy
8x24 - The Secret in the Seige
9x04 - The Sense in the Sacrifice
10x22 - The Next in the Last (*copycat killer)

The Ghost Killer:
9x12 - The Ghost in the Killer
9x22 - The Nail in the Coffin

The Puppeteer:
11x13 - The Monster in the Closet
11x22 - The Nightmare in the Nightmare
12x01 - The Hope in the Horror

Mark Kovac:
12x04 - The Price for the Past
12x07 - The Scare in the Score
12x11 - The Day in the Life 
12x12 - The End in the End

hope this helps.

question: would anyone be interested if I wrote a Newsies au with the tv show Friends? Cause i started thinking about it and it’s so perfect?? Like Davey as Ross, Jack as Rachel, Spot as Monica, Race as Chandler, Crutchie as Phoebe, and then like Albert or someone as Joey. Reblog or like this if you would read a fic where I like rewrite a few episodes with them

Let’s be real. The reason we never get Brandon or Callie getting drunk in any episodes (like normal teenagers lmao) is because they’d straight up either admit their feelings/tell someone they hooked up or HOOK UP AGAIN.

so heres what is still so annoying about the pewdiepie shit

we now have lots of youtubers coming to felix’s defense, including h3h3, phillip defranco, matthias, and even ross o’donovan. the argument they make pretty consistently is that felix doesn’t deserve all this criticism because he is so nice behind the camera, is very considerate, is not actually antisemitic or racist, and that the media is giving false claims that he is.

okay, sure. maybe he is all that. i would be able to accept that when he is in real life he is a sweet, kind man. and it is obvious that the media definitely plays up the claims by outright calling him a racist and an antisemite, when in reality he more so has a history of using antisemitic, racist, and sexist terms and phrases for humor. i get it. thats his thing, and his friends want to defend him.

but he fucked up. its plain and simple.

when you have this many people outraged against you, when you have the media pulling out multiple receipts, some misunderstood but some legitimate, of you saying racist and antisemitic things (even if it was allegedly to prove some point), when you have multiple companies withdrawing from deals they had with you, you cannot just say “it was a joke, i’m not antisemitic.”

thats not what this about. your whole deal is pushing things to the limit, and you have simply gone too far. nobody, when defending pewdiepie, is able to admit this. people believe because it was a joke, and because his on-camera persona differs from his real life personality, he is invincible and undeserving of criticism and punishment. ironically, the only person to encroach upon admitting this was ethan from h3h3, who said “maybe he did push it too far, but that’s it.”

except its not it. its not just about him pushing it too far, which he did. its about how he is able to do that unchecked as the most subscribed youtuber. its that hes able to have millions of followers listen to him say these kinds of things, in context or out, and become used to this terminology. its that he is able to make things like this seem funny, even if he doesnt believe in them. its that he is, in fact, not antisemitic, but uses antisemitic stuff for humor. its that he can do all of this and still have people jump to his defense. its that it takes all of this public outcry for him to genuinely apologize, rather than realize what he did was wrong and come out with it right away. or, even better, its that he thought this was a good idea in general, because he knew he could probably get away with it.

i’m not angry at pewdiepie because i believe he is antisemitic. i’m angry at pewdiepie for using his fame, fortune, and backing to trivialize antisemitism and not face immediate repercussions. 

because even if it is a “joke,” even if ethan, as a jewish man, states that he was not offended, me and a lot of other jewish people are offended, and we aren’t laughing.

robert is such an insecure person at heart, and you can genuinely see how little self worth he has when he believes aaron, the person who’s been hopelessly in love with him for so long, can get over robert and get over their marriage in what, a week? two? robert genuinely doesn’t believe he’s worth loving and it something we only see every so often and it’s *so* sad. robert has probably been waiting for the other shoe to drop with their marriage and happiness as much as aaron was, in his own way.

New Girl - One

Two | Three | Four | Five | Six | Seven | Eight | Nine | Ten

“Okay, fourth floor.” I folded the small slip of paper and put it into my back pocket, pressing the four when I stepped into the elevator. I wonder what these girls were like – the place seemed clean, they seemed like they were my age. Of course, their age was listed, but it also didn’t sound like they were lying or that there was a possibility that they were predators. I hadn’t even thought of that – I subconsciously rubbed my hands against my jeans, not noticing them become sweaty.

I almost missed my stop, the elevator doors almost closing after being left open in my daze. I saw the red printed four on top of the door, I took a deep breath before stepping out. I looked to my left and saw 4C, then looked to my right – 4D. The doors behind me closed while I prepped myself, breathing in and out slowly as I made my way to apartment 4D.

I raised my fist and knocked once, cursing under my breath as I realized how lightly it sounded, sounding more like a toddler’s tap. I straightened my posture and cleared my throat, raising my fist more confidently as I knocked loudly three times. You’re fine. You’re fine. They’re just girls. They’re just three other girls your age-.

“Hello?” My thoughts were cut off by a deep, foreign accent. I looked up to see a blonde boy standing in front of me, his blue eyes showing confusion as he scanned my appearance. “Can I help you?”

“Uh,” I glanced at the number on the door again: 4D. “Is this the apartment that posted about a new roommate?” Before blue-eyes could answer, another head appeared next to him.

“New roommate? New woman roommate? Yes, hello. This is the apartment with the ad. I’m Jacob. This handsome young fellow is Harrison. Come in, come in.” I smiled slightly, relieved that seemed to be close to my age – and they seemed normal… enough.

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