I Hate You : Jack Maynard Smut

(basically jack and y/n hate each other but cant seem to keep their hands off each other)

i may do a part 2 to this so if you’d like me to just ask/request :)

“Move.” Jack nudged you as he walked by to get to the fridge. 

 "Wow, some manners would be nice.“ You shot back, rolling your eyes at him. 

“I’ll use manners when i’m talking to people I actually give a shit about.” Jack replied, moving back to sit on Caspar’s sofa. 

“Can’t you two just be nice to each other for 5 minutes?“ Joe groaned, sick of yours and Jack’s bickering. 

It wasn’t a surprise that you and Jack were like this, you have never liked each other. Since Joe introduced you - his cousin - to all of his friends last year, Jack has always been so annoying and pathetic towards you. No one really knew why, you both just never really clicked. However, the rest of the guys love you. You and Conor were super close but it was complicated as he’s Jacks brother and you tried to avoid Jack as much as possible.

"It’s not my fault he’s so immature.” You told your older cousin.

 “You’re both as bad as each other, to be fair.“ Conor laughed. 

 "Please,” Jack scoffed. “I don’t understand why I have to put up with her all the time." 

 “Because she’s our friend!” Conor defended you. 

“And she’s my cousin.“ Joe laughed. 

“I wish she wasn’t.” Jack took a sip of his water. 

“You do realise i’m right here?“ You asked Jack. "Grow up." 

 "Me grow up?!” Jack raised his eyebrows. 

 "Come on you two!“ Caspar laughed. 

You gave Jack the evils before going back to your laptop, scrolling through facebook. 

“So what are we doing?” Joe asked. “Ice skating?”

 "Yeah, buddy, how excited are you?“ Caspar exclaimed as he put his arm round Joe. 

"Get off me!” Joe pushed him away. “Well when are we going?" 

“Now, I think. The car’s here.” Josh told everyone, getting up from his chair. 

“So am I getting a car in 20 minutes yeah?“ Jack asked Josh. 

 "Yeah, you and Y/N are getting that one.” Josh replied. 

 "Why me?“ You groaned. 

“Because you two are being annoying today and need to sort your shit out.” Josh told us.  

“Josh, don’t be a dick head.“ Jack warned, eyeing Josh. 

 "I’m not. You two talk. This car is full.” Josh told us, everyone leaving.

 Everyone said their goodbye’s and eventually it was just you and Jack in Caspar’s apartment. Jack was in the same spot on Caspar’s sofa and you were still stood up, on your laptop, which was on the work top. 

 "You don’t always need to be a prick, you know.“ You spoke up, causing Jack to turn his head in your direction. He raised his eyebrows at you.

 "Yes, I do.” He replied before turning back to the TV. 

“Why?“ You asked, walking towards him slowly. 

“Because I hate you.” Jack replied, standing up quickly and walking past you. He placed his bottle of water on the side before slipping out his phone and leaning against the side. 

“I hate you too.“ You scoff, going back to your laptop. 

 Even though you really disliked Jack, you didn’t hate him. You hoped he didn’t hate you either. He’s just very annoying and has always been annoying. If he hadn’t held some sort of grudge against you since day one then you would probably get on really well. 

 You suddenly had a really good idea as you spotted Jack’s water bottle that didn’t have a lid on. Slowly wondering over, Jack’s eyes stayed on his phone, you went right next to him. As you leaned towards him to go for the water bottle, he spoke. 

 "What are you doing?” He snapped. 

“Uhh… Just getting…“ You started, leaning over and knocking the bottle towards Jack. The water went all over his white t-shirt that he was wearing and he immediately jumped away. 

 "What the fuck are you doing?!” He shouted. 

 "Oops, my hand slipped.“ You shrugged, a small smile on your lips.

 "You’re such a fucking bitch!” He groaned, trying to pull the back of his t shirt round so he can see the wet patch. 

“I wouldn’t wear that out if I were you.“ You giggled, watching Jack. His blue eyes were now narrow and angry, giving you the evils. 

“Fuck off.” He muttered, storming off into Caspar’s bedroom. Within a few seconds, he came back and walked to the corner of the living room where Caspar’s clothes were hanging up to dry.

 Jack picked up one of Caspar’s black t shirts, feeling it to see if it was fully dry. You guessed it was as Jack then took you by surprise and pulled his wet t shirt up and off. You immediately lost your breath as you saw Jack’s body. As you saw his glistening skin, you could feel yourself go bright red and tried your hardest not to look. It didn’t really work though as Jack caught your eye. 

“Stop checking me out.“ He teased with a grin. 

 "I-i’m not.” You quickly replied.

 You looked down at your laptop, trying to avoid the conversation. But you could see him in the corner of your eye as he just wasn’t putting on Caspar’s t shirt. Suddenly he started walking over to you. You gulped nervously, not trusting yourself. Jack went behind you, getting closer and closer. You felt yourself getting hotter as he placed his bare chest against your back. Why was he doing this? You hated Jack, why is he messing with you this way? You felt his crotch against your bum and his hand on your hip. He placed the t shirt down on the work top before moving all your hair to one side. 

 "Like what you see?“ Jack whispered in your ear. His hot breath sent goosebumps all over your body and you suddenly lost your voice. You turned around so your facing him, meeting with his grinning face. 

 "W- what are you doing?” You stuttered, not knowing where to put your hands as Jack kept getting closer and closer. His hands went to the work top either side of you, blocking you in. His body was now pressed against your own as he was getting closer again. As his face was just inches from yours, he muttered something. 

 "I really fucking hate you.“ 

 "I hate you too.” You mumbled back as his lips brushed against yours. You didn’t like him - you really didn’t - but the hatred had created this tension between you and he was standing there with no shirt on, his blond hair was messy but looked perfect, his bright blue eyes were dark and narrow and his lips were almost on yours. You couldn’t help yourself. 

As soon as his lips were pressed against yours, your hands snaked up his body and round his neck. He kisses you desperately, as if his life depended on it. As if he needed you more than anything. His lips were soft and felt good against yours and when he bit down gently on your bottom lip you couldn’t help but let out a moan. 

 "Jack.“ You gasped as his lips went to your neck, sucking the skin and leaving wet marks. 

“Up.” He told you. Within seconds you were up on the work top and he was kissing the life out of you. He moved himself so he was in between your legs and his arms were around your waist. His tongue entered your mouth and your hands went to his hair, running your fingers up and down the back of his head. You were immediately snapped back to reality when Jack’s phone started to ring. He let you go within seconds and fished his phone from his back pocket. 

 "H-hello?“ Jack breathed out, clearly short for breath. You were exactly the same, out of breath. It took you a few seconds to actually realise what had just happened. Jack had kissed you. And you really liked it. The loss of contact from him made you realise how intimate you had been.

 "Now?” Jack spoke into the phone as he reached for the t shirt that was on the side. “OK, see you soon.” Jack slipped the t shirt on after hanging up the phone. 

“Uber’s here.“ Jack muttered to you, not even looking in your direction. You both grabbed your things and made your way down to the car in silence.


“Hey guys.” Caspar greeted you both as you and Jack met them by the ice rink. 

 "Hey buddy.“ Jack spoke to him. You were angry, to say the least. Why would Jack kiss you like that then not talk to you? So, what happens now… You’re just going to go back to hating each other. 

 "You guys have fun?” Caspar asked Jack.  

“Its never fun with her.“ Ouch. As Jack’s words left his mouth he answered your question. Yes, back to hating each other it is. 

“You alright, babe?” Conor asked you as you all picked up your skates. 

“Yeah.“ You sighed but Conor realised you weren’t. 

 "Y/N.” Conor warned, giving you a look. 

“Don’t worry, i’ll tell you later.“ You brushed him off, sitting down as you pulled on your skates. Your thoughts were clouding up your mind you didn’t even realise how long it was taking you to put your ice skates on. 

“Y/N?” Conor nudged you. 

“I can’t get them on.“ You groaned. The situation was stressing you out. 

“Would you like some help?” A male voice spoke up. You looked up to where the voice was coming from. It was a man, who worked on the ice rink, who was rather good looking. 

“Oh- Uh, yeah please.“ You smiled at him. He bent down to his knees and did up your skates. You stared at him the whole time, his dark hair was perfectly styled and his hazel eyes looked up at you when he had finished. 

“Thanks.” You spoke. He responded with a smile and held his hand out to you. At first you didn’t realise what he was doing but soon caught on and placed your hand on his. He pulled you up and flashed you a grin. It was good timing as the bell went off, signalling that it was ready for everyone to go on the ice. You thanked the man one last time before turning back to the boys. The first person who caught your eye was of course Jack, who was stood in between Joe and Josh, with the dirtiest look on his face. When your eyes met his, he began to shake his head. You shot him a questioning look but he just looked away. 

 All of you finally got onto the ice and you immediately grabbed onto the edge. So did most of the boys. Joe and Jack were quite good though as they skated off past you. You, Josh, Caspar, Mikey, Oli and Conor were all holding onto the edge for a little while until they all started getting more confident and skated by themselves. You were still holding on, moving your skates slowly on the ice but still slipping every now and then. You were no where near confident enough to let go. 

“Here.“ The same voice from earlier said as the man reach for your hand. 

"Second time you have helped me today.” You laughed as him help your hand tightly, going around the ice. 

 "You’re good at this, why are you holding onto the side?“ He laughed, running his gloved hand through his hair. 

“I don’t know, i’m just scared of falling over.” You replied. All of the guys were skating confidently round the rink, although Mikey and Oli kept falling over due to the others pushing them. 

 "I have to go.“ The man spoke after skating with you for a few minutes. Of course, he had to do his job. 

 "Well thanks, again.” You laughed. He winked at you before skating off. You decided to skate in the middle of the ice for a bit even though your heart was beating like crazy - nervous of falling over. Conor and Josh were just a little bit ahead of you so you caught up with them. You went in-between them, grabbing onto their hands. 

 "Well there she is!“ Josh laughed as he saw you. 

 "Whos that guy?” Conor asked as you all skated together, hand in hand. 

What guy?“ You asked. 

“That guy you were just with.” Conor replied. 

 "Oh, i don’t know, he just helped me.“ You shrugged.

The three of you skated together for a while until Josh tripped and pulled you both over with him. You were not happy with him but couldn’t help but laugh. You decided to skate by yourself for a little while to get your balance right. Until you felt someone behind you, nudging you out of the way. You reacted quickly by grabbing onto their arm so you don’t fall. You were met with two bright blue eyes that you loved to hate. As you gripped onto him, you were still unsteady so Jack grabbed onto your waist, helping you gain your balance.

"Why did you do that?” You asked, looking into his eyes as he grinned. 

“Funny.” He shrugged. 

 "I hate you.“ You groaned, getting out of his grip and skating off. 

"Where’s your boyfriend?” He asked as he skated beside you. 

“What are you talking about?“ You snapped. 

 "That guy.” Jack replied. 

“He was helping me, Jack, grow up.“ 

 "Whatever, babe.” He teased as he grabbed your hand, which took you by surprise. 

 "What are you doing? Get off!“ You pulled away but he didn’t let you go. You both lost your balance on the ice and Jack pulled you down with him as he fell. It was so embarrassing as you fell right onto the ice next to Jack, making your clothes soaking wet. "For fuck sake Jack!” You whined. 

Getting up, you were so angry with Jack. Why does he always wind you up? Its like its his mission to annoy you. 

 "Sorry, babe.“ Jack laughed as he got up. ”

Fuck off!“ You snapped before going over to tell the boys you were leaving. 


 You had finished your shower - at Joe’s, where you were staying - to realise everyone had come back here.

They were all so rowdy you could hear them a mile away. As you got out, you realised that your clean clothes were in the washing pile that was in the wash room. Everyone was downstairs by the sound of it, so with your towel wrapped around your wet body and tip toed out of Joe’s spare bedroom go the wash room. 

“Y/N.” Jack’s voice made you stop dead in your tracks. You turned to see Jack at the top of the stairs, in the same black t shirt he was wearing earlier. His hair was messy but look good as always and he held a tight expression on his face as he looked you up and down. 

 "I- i’m just getting some clothes.“ You told him as you sped walked to the wash room and picked up some joggers and a t shirt. When you walked back out onto the landing, you were thankful to see that Jack wasn’t there. However, when you went back into your room, Jack was stood there waiting for you. 

“What do you want, Jack? I’m trying to get dressed.” You sighed, placing your clothes down on the bed. 

“Are you still angry at me?“ Jack asked. 

 "I’m always angry at you.” You sighed. Jack ran his fingers through his hair and also sighed. 

“I need to get dressed.“ You told him again. 

 "So get dressed.” He shrugged. You rolled your eyes at him. 

 Thinking about it for moment, you realised you could get him back for teasing you earlier. Walking over to the chest of drawers that had your underwear in, you faced away from Jack. Taking a deep breath, you dropped your towel to the floor. 

 You quickly opened the drawer and grabbed some underwear. Before you could even put them on, Jack  pushed you up against the drawers forcefully - not too hard though. 

“Don’t fucking tease me.” Jack groaned in your ear before turning you around and crashing his lips onto yours. Your naked body was pressed against him as he kissed you harshly. Your hands were around his neck, fingers touching the bottom of his hair. 

“Clothes. Off.“ You muttered in between kisses. Jack broke away from you quickly as he pulled off his - Caspar’s - t shirt. As he went back to kissing you, you ran your hands down his chest and along his toned stomach - the contact causing him to moan against your lips which was quite possibly the hottest thing ever. 

 Jack pushed you back so you were laying down on the bed. This was the first time he properly saw your naked body. His eyes scanned you up and down as his tongue poked out of his mouth and swiped his bottom lip. 

 "You’re so fucking sexy.” He said as he leaned down, kissing your neck, your collar bones, your chest, your stomach, your thighs. 

 "J-Jack.“ You moaned out as he kissed closer and closer up your thighs. 

“Mmh.” Jack hummed in response. Before Jack could do anymore, you leaned forward and undid his belt - hoping he’d get the message. Within seconds Jack’s trousers and boxers were both off. 

Your mouth watered when you saw the size of him. You’d always thought he was big - but not that big. You were a little worried about how that would even fit inside of you. 

“Please, Jack.“ You moaned, pulling him down to by the back of his neck. 

"What do you want, baby?” Jack breathed out, grinning at you. 

 "I want you to fuck me.“ You surprised yourself as the words left your mouth, but you couldn’t help it. You needed him right now. 

 "Do you have a condom?” He asked, kissing you again. 

 "On. The. Pill.“ You told him in between kisses. 

 After kissing for a minute, Jack’s hand went to his member as he pumped himself a few times before rubbing his tip up and down your core.

 "Fuck.” You moaned into his neck before sucking and kissing his soft skin. Jack finally eased into you. Your arms went around his neck as you held yourself close to him whilst he thrusted in and out of you. 

 "I’ve waited for this for so long.“ Jack mumbled between thrusts. 

 Your moans and groans echoed throughout the bedroom and the fact that this wasn’t even your bed turned you on even more. One of Jacks hands went to your clit, rubbing it to add more pleasure. 

As you looked up at him, you noticed beads of sweat starting to form on his skin and his dirty blond hair sticking to his forehead. 

 Both your hands went to his cheeks as you looked into his eyes. His breathing was in sync with his thrusts and he stared down at you with eyes full of lust. 

 "I hate you.” You reminded him as he rocked in and out of you. 

 "I hate you more.“ Jack replied, pressing a sweet kiss against your lips which made your stomach do flips. You could feel yourself getting close as your stomach felt tight. Your legs started to shake and your toes curled. 

 "Faster, Jack. I’m close.” You muttered as he kissed you again. 

“Me too, baby.” He breathed out. 

 The way he called you ‘baby’ whilst fucking you like this made your heart melt. Jack picked up pace and the bed began to rock. 

 You moaned out loud as you came around Jack, digging your nails into the top of his back. It didn’t take Jack long to finish either, releasing inside of you. As Jack pulled out of you, he kissed you again. 

 "Think I need another shower.“ You laughed. 

 "I’d be happy to join.” Jack smiled. 

 "Nope.“ You shook your head at him as he rolled off of you. 

 "Why?” He raised his eyebrows, still trying to catch his breath. 

 “I still hate you, remember.“ You reminded him, getting up off the bed. 

“Wow, Y/N, I never thought you’d fuck and chuck me.” Jack laughed as you walked into the bathroom once again. 

Sneaking Around

Joe trusted Y/N, with every fibre of his being, he trusted his girlfriend.

But when she was constantly sneaking off to who knows where, making up weak excuses, and disappearing for hours at end, that trust wavered. Just a little.

They had always been open and honest with each other, refusing to hide anything from the beginning of their relationship, so it was really odd to have Y/N be so secretive and keeping a secret from him.

He tried asking the boys, because they were close with her as well, but even they got all weird, avoiding answering the question directly.

It seemed like everyone was in on the secret except for Joe.

That didn’t sit well with him.

At all.

After Y/N called out some random excuse before slipping out of the door once again, Joe decided to take matters into his own hands.

So he did the rational and mature thing.

He followed her.

A small part of him did feel guilty, because he shouldn’t be following his girlfriend through the streets of London, but then he remembered she was hiding something from him, and the guilt was gone.

If anyone should feel guilty, it was her. Because she was making him paranoid.

And when he stumbled across what she had been doing, he realized he had every right to be paranoid.

Joe felt his blood boil as she hugged Jack tightly, grinning up at him. And when the younger Maynard placed a hand on the small of Y/N’s back, leading her into the restaurant, Joe figured out what was going on.

He just never thought that she would cheat on him.

Deciding to give them a few more days to come clean, Joe kept mostly to himself.

He let her give him the weak excuses, let her sneak off to be with Jack, and he remained at home, trying to convince himself that what he saw wasn’t real. That the woman he loved was not cheating on him with one of his best mates.

But neither of them came forward, admitting to their infidelity, and Joe was getting frustrated. So he decided to confront them.

“Do you ever plan on telling me?” Joe asked Y/N as they stood in the kitchen.

The other boys were over too, sat on the couch playing a video game. He hadn’t wanted to do this while everyone was present, but he didn’t want to give Y/N and Jack a chance to meet up again.

“Telling you what, babe?” She asked, pouring some chips into a bowl.

“Stop acting innocent!” Joe slammed his hand down onto the counter, making her jump and stare in shock over at him. The boys paused the game at his outburst, glancing over at the couple. “I know!”

“Know what?”

“Really?” Joe snapped, “You’re really going to try and act like you don’t know?”

“Everything okay?” Jack called over, standing from the couch.

“No.” Joe shifted his glare over to the younger man, “Because you two refuse to just admit it already!”

“Admit what, mate?” Jack stepped closer, sending Y/N a quick look, ensuring she was alright.

“That you two are bloody hooking up!”

“What?!” Y/N and Jack exclaimed in unison, staring over at Joe in confusion.

“I think Joe’s lost it…” Conor mumbled.

“You think I’m cheating on you? With Jack?” Y/N gaped over at Joe.

“I wouldn’t ever do that you!” Jack protested.

“Well, why else would you two have been sneaking around so much?”

“Because we were trying to plan you a surprise party, you ass!” Y/N snapped, anger coursing through her body. “I can’t believe you thought I was cheating on you!”

“A surprise party?” Joe repeated weakly, glancing between Y/N and Jack.

“Yeah, Y/N wanted to do something special for your birthday,” Caspar added, standing from the couch, “So we’ve all been meeting up to plan it. But we couldn’t do it as a group, we all draw too much attention.”

“Each of us have been meeting up in pairs, trying to get it all figured out,” Josh continued, standing as well.

“Shit,” Joe muttered, wincing as he noticed Y/N’s harsh glare being sent in his direction. “I’m sorry?”

“Do you not trust me?”

“No! I mean, yes! I do. I do, Y/N. I just…I got paranoid.” Joe pleaded, stepping towards her, “I’m sorry.”

“You should be.” She replied, her face softening, “I cannot believe you thought I was cheating on you. With Jack.”

“Okay,” Jack pointed over at her, “That is the second time you’ve said my name like that. Am I really that bad?”

“Yes.” The boys all said at once, but the couple ignored him.

“I shouldn’t have ever thought that. It was stupid. I’m really sorry.” Joe told her, pulling her closer.

“I wouldn’t ever cheat on you, Joe,” Y/N told him, “I just wanted to do something nice for your birthday.”

“I can still act surprised if you want.”

“You better, I worked hard on this party.”

“I’m sorry, love.”

“You should be. But really, Jack?”


“I know,” Joe chuckled, “I mean, clearly you have better taste.”

“Exactly.” Y/N smiled up at him, reaching up to kiss him.

“This isn’t fair,” Jack mumbled.

“At least he didn’t punch you,” Conor offered, patting his brother on the shoulder. “That would have been my initial reaction.”

Wow || Jack Maynard Imagine

“What are you doing?” I ask cautiously. I glance over each of my friend’s faces. Watching as they smirk up at me. 

“Oh nothing,” Jack winks at me. I look to each of their faces, eyes locking with Oli’s, who’s neutral expression falters.

 "What do you know?“ I ask stepping towards the group, who are sat on my sofa, "Why do you all look so sketchy?” I look at the group skeptically.

 "Not telling,“ Joe laughs, "You’ll just have to figure it out.”

 "I hate you all,“ I mutter, "Fine you guys don’t get food.” I watch as each of their faces falls from cocky to disappointment.

 "Jack, I’m going to tell her,“ Caspar says, "Its mean to keep secrets from people." 

"Awe,” I coo, “I always knew you were my favourite.” I make my way over to Caspar sitting next to him. I look at him expectantly, “Okay, now tell me," 

Caspar looks over to Jack, "Uh, Y/N/N, you need to stay calm, promise me you’ll stay calm?” My grim falls, I nod my head slowly, “What?”

 "Jack found your diary and we kind of read it,“ he says wincing. 

My face falls, I can feel the colour drain from my face, "Please tell me you’re joking.” I whisper. I stand up, “Please fucking tell me you’re joking!” I being pacing. 

Tears well up in my eyes, I glance to each of the boys, eyes stopping on Jack, “Why would you do that?” I ask eyes begging him to tell me that they were kidding. 

“Y/N are you serious? Like it’s just a diary,” he mutters. I glare at him, “How much did you read?" 

"The others only herd the first page, but I read like… twelve pages.” He says grimacing.

 "Wow, so know you all know my fears, hopes, dreams and everything that I didn’t want you to know can you please leave my fucking house!“ I half scream, tears falling silently from my eyes. 

"Y/N? Please just calm down, it’s no big deal, you like Jack, he’s your weakness, who cares,” Joe says standing from the sofa then stepping towards me. 

“Oh yeah it’s great, nothing is going to change, that’s bullshit!” I shout, “Why did you do that?” I turn my gaze from Joe to Jack. 

“I’m in love with you!” Jack shouts. Making my jaw fall open. The room falls silent. 

“What?” I ask stealing towards Jack who is now standing.

“I read your diary because I’m in love with you,” he says, quieter this time, “I’ve been flirting with you for forever, but you never seemed to get the picture, so I figured you weren’t interested.”

 "This isn’t a nice prank guys,“ I mumble, looking towards the floor, "please just leave me alone now.” I keep my eyes locked on the floor. I hear my front door open and people begin to move, then I hear the door close. 

“I’m not leaving right after I’ve confessed to you,” I hear Jacks’ voice appear closer to me. 

“If you’re saying this because you feel bad you can stop pretending now,” I whisper. Jack hooks his finger under my chin, lifting my face up. I look into his eyes, his gorgeous baby blue eyes, they lock mine to my spot. I feel his breath fan my face, I lean my head forward lips not touching his just yet. 

“Kiss me,” Jack whispers. I press my lips to his softly, wrapping my arms around his neck fingers tucked into his hair, his arms wrap themselves around my waist pulling me as close to him as I possibly can. I feel him grin into our kiss. We pull away for air after a few seconds.

 "I’m so in love with you,“ I mumble. 

"I’m so in love with you too, you’re all mine,” Jack whispers kissing my cheek softly.


“I will be waiting for you, Jack”

“Why would you be waiting for me?! Why would he be waiting for me?!”


Love how Lesaro turns around and looks at Salazar as if to say “Wtf?” :P

which rooster teeth worker should you fight by me
  • geoff ramsey: do it. he looks scary but he's not. he is afraid of snakes so if you wear a shirt that has a snake on it he will lose his powers. however if you catch him drunk, run. but if he's sober, do it. fight geoff ramsey but be careful
  • jack patillo: why would you ever fight jack. he is a perfect ray of sunshine. there is magic in his beard. he is large and made of love and probably like kittens or something. don't do it. don't fight jack
  • michael jones: fight michael. he's a ball of rage and if you let him get close he'll fuck your shit up but you can just put your hand on his forehead and hold him at arm's length while he tries to run at you like a bull. lindsay will probably cheer for you. do it. fight michael
  • gavin free: just sorta punch him in the nose and he'll probably squawk and fall over and start crying. but there will be no glory in fighting gavin free. only sadness. why would you do such a thing. you can fight gavin if you really want to but it will be an empty victory and you should probably rethink your life afterwards
  • burnie burns: don't fight burnie. he's 6'2 and he punched out a horse once. the laws of mortals do not apply to burnie burns and he will fire you even though he's not CEO anymore. don't do it. don't fight burnie.
  • jon risinger: you can maybe fight jon but only if you're okay with losing all your points. depending on what mood he's in he may award you points for winning. fight jon risinger but only if you're feeling lucky
  • gus sorola: he'll probably run away and bitch about you on the next podcast. it would be hilarious to everyone else and you would have brought laughter to the lives of millions. do it. fight gus.
  • joel heyman: you cannot slay a god
  • lindsay jones: you could maybe fight lindsay but only by being sneaky and even then michael would snap your neck if you win. distract her with conveniently placed cat pictures and you could sucker punch her because let's face it, you couldn't take her one on one. maybe fight lindsay but only with prep time
  • ray narvaez jr: he's already dead don't hurt him more
  • chris demarais: do it. fight chris. it'll be hilarious give him a wedgie and hang him off something by his underwear. take his lunch money. buy something cool with it. shove him in a locker. fight chris demarais
  • barbara dunkelman: she's canadian she'll just ascend into her moose form and headbutt ur ass to the nearest tim hortons. don't fight barbara
Hidden Note

He noticed it when he walked into the room.

There wasn’t anything special about it, it was just a folded piece of paper, but his name was scrawled across it in that familiar handwriting, the black ink standing out against the whiteness of the paper: Jack.

He had been curious, as anyone would be when there’s a note sitting there with your name on it. But it was tucked under a book on the table, almost as if it was meant to be hidden, meant to be kept a secret. And so he didn’t ask Joe about it, and did his best to ignore it, focusing on preparing for the video they were meant to be filming.

“Shit,” Joe mumbled suddenly, glancing around.

“Whats up?” Jack asked from his spot on the couch, his body being used to test the focus on the camera.

“I forgot something. I think it’s upstairs, I’ll be right back.”

“I’ll be here.” He called after Joe, his blue eyes watching the body disappear through the door. Jack waited only a moment before lunging forward, his curiosity too strong as he slipped the piece of paper from under the confines of the book, listening to the sound of Joe’s footsteps going up the stairs before he unfolded the note, more of the same black ink on the white paper.

He had meant to just scan it quickly, to calm his curiosity, but then a few choice words caught his attention, and so Jack went back to the beginning, reading each word carefully. As his eyes went from line to line, drawing closer to the end of the note, he felt his heart race, his attention drawn further and further into what was written for him. To him.

So caught up in reading the note, Jack didn’t notice Joe walk back into the room, the words he had been about to say caught in his throat as he realized what was going on, realized what it was that Jack was reading.

He crossed the room quickly, ripping the paper from Jack’s hand, his blue eyes flashing betrayal and fear.

“What do you think you’re doing?!”

“I saw my name…”

“You didn’t think that if I wanted you to read it, I would have given it to you?!”


“No, Jack. Gods, why would you even do that! You weren’t meant to read it. I was going to throw this away anyways,” Joe glared at the paper, crumbling it up in his hands. “Look, just forget you read it, okay?”


“Oh great,” Joe scoffed, throwing the paper across the room, “So instead we can just ruin our friendship? Wonderful. I was trying to avoid that.”

“Will you shut up?!” Jack finally burst out, standing from his spot, “And let me talk!”

Joe rocked back on his heels, surprised by the sudden outburst, but he nodded slowly, his mouth closed tightly.

“If you had stopped jumping to conclusions for one bloody second,” Jack mumbled, stepping closer to the older man, “I’d be able to tell you what I think of that little note you wrote.”

“What if…what if I don’t want to hear it?” Joe asked, his voice barely a whisper as Jack stopped in front of him.

“I think you want to hear this,” The younger man smiled gently at him, “Because I like you too, Joe.”

But before Joe could say another word, Jack leaned in, his lips pressing against Joe’s in a simple kiss.

“I’m still mad at you for reading it,” Joe muttered as they pulled apart, his lips chasing after Jack’s.

“I should be forgiven,” Jack chuckled, wrapping his arms around Joe’s waist to pull the smaller body against his, “Because if I hadn’t read it, we wouldn’t be kissing right now.”

“We aren’t kis—“ Joe’s words were cut off once more by Jack’s lips, not that the older man had any complaints about that as his arms moved around Jack’s neck.

He’d get mad at Jack for snooping through his stuff later, right now, Joe was quite happy with just kissing.

anonymous asked:

JackCrutchie running into each other after two years of not talking at all.

So this was… weird… idk I had it planned out but when I actually wrote it down it didn’t work as well as I wanted it to. But I wrote it, so I guess I should share it.

Thanks for prompting!!


Jack fitted with the tiny version of his best friend’s crutch, the familiar feeling of the smooth wood running along his fingers. It had been warn down and kinda got a little gross over the past two years mainly because his hands were always covered in dirt and grime. But not drawing charcoal, not anymore, not after…

Jack’s last drawing that he ever did, that he planned on ever doing was of Crutchie. The last time he ever say the boy with angry, upset tears streaking down his face as he tried to make Jack understand.

It was all Jack’s fault.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

I just had a Brooklyn Bullies thought: Jack is at Rosa/Jésus' apt and decides to cook, he looks for the pots and pans for like 20 mins until Rosa comes in and just opens the oven and Jack is just like why would you put them there???? Based a real reaction my friend had when she came to my house. Sorry that this is so stupid but I just couldn't get it out of my head for some reason

Hey no that is great! We do it in my family as well and it always baffles people
Oh and let’s not get started on when someone helps you in the kitchen and start the oven preheating but didn’t know to take the pans out and you forgot to warn them cuz that’s just, step one of baking and now you have to wait until you can get them out. It Happens So Much

Miss Fisher and the plight of miscommunication – February’s trope challenge

Does this whisky glass imply drinks, or something else, Miss Fisher?

You remember I couldn’t help but write a post about the soulmate trope of January, because it was so much fun and gave food for so much thought. The same really proved to be true for the miscommunication trope, so I decided to write about that one too. I remember that when the trope was announced, @quiltingmom was not the happiest in the fandom, fearing all the angst that would come up with this trope. She even taught me that “smh” means “shaking my head”. So, I decided to do the organisation of this post in a @quiltingmom proof way, by ordering them after their amount of angst, starting with the lightest and going to @ladyroxie. (I’d love some feedback from you about where you draw the line between nicely angsty and too angsty in this line!)

This is actually a very reasonable way to structure the stories. The nice thing with miscommunication – apart from it fitting Phryne and Jack and their way of behaving rather well – is that it can take turns in very different directions. The plot itself is usually one of comedy – in that classic sense of the word, which means the ending is happy – since miscommunication really needs to be cleared up for the story to feel completed. But that gives ample opportunity for different roads to be taken – and very different length of fic – between the start and the happy ending; I have made a division into humour; humour with an angsty part; angst light; and angst. (Here is the full collection.)

I am delighted that the February fic covered all of these possibilities, and in so many different ways. The wonderful humour part saw @olderbynow’s “Across Frayed Wires,” where Jack gets a message from Hugh over a very bad line. We are given the internal view of a delightfully overthinking Jack that tries very hard to not think about a certain lady detective, but when the message says “alarm” and “Fisher” he cannot help but associate this to Phryne. The message 

made no damn sense at all, but still had Jack’s heart climbing into his throat as his mind helpfully supplied filler words that essentially translated the sentence into “Miss Fisher has done something reckless again and is in danger.” It was the sort of phone call he spent half his days expecting, of course. 

Unfortunately for Jack, when he stumbles into Wardlow he instead disturbs Phryne in the middle of a tryst with a lover, and the mortification of Jack and all his awkwardness and thought-processes are adorable.

More humour and teasing with regard to their sexual relationship is present in @loopyhoopyfrood’s “Mistaken”. This is an original take, set before the timeline of the episodes, and gives us a sweet and fun and mistakenly heated encounter that is completely packed with misunderstandings, and poor Jack gets pushed into doors no less than two times by a very insistent Miss Fisher. A third teasing with the sexual theme is sassasam/@phrynesboudoir’s “Miss Communication” that is set after the last episode. Phryne writes from England a rather juicy letter to Jack, that also quotes some of his own not completely innocent phrases from an earlier letter, but puts it in the wrong envelope. The exact look on Aunt P’s face when she reads that scandolous letter we are left to imagine from the line “with eyes almost bulging from their sockets.” Jack, poor duck, on the other hand, receives a letter that talks about embroidery.

A final predominantly humourous fic is @ollyjayonline’s “Nine times out of ten”. It is a delightful story of Phryne deciding to play match-maker and implicating Jack in that, while on the boat back home to Australia. It is rather emma-esque in the way her plan goes rather wrong, the girl Jack was meant to pay attention to suddenly interested in him and not in the original beau she was aiming to make jealous. Suddenly they find themselves in a situation where Jack has to play the role of not wanting Phryne, and Phryne the role of trying to get him – all while they secretly have an established relationship, that is still a bit shaken by the roles they play. It’s a wonderful way of contrasting their true relationship with the fake one and with what the people around them are believing about them. Above all there is a delicious tension – her decision forcing Jack to play a part, and then she herself not being sure when he is playing and when he’s sincere. Phryne faces emotional turmoil and realisations, while the humourous aspect is still the main one.

From this, the step is not far to @flashofthefuse’s “Mistaken relations”, that I decided to label as the first humour with an angsty part. The fic introduces an embarrassing moment when Phryne thinks Jack has asked her to come over, and while she has decided to surprise him with hardly any clothes on, he comes home with another woman. Awkwardness ensues and Phryne is thrown off-kilter a little bit, feeling unsure and a little bit jealous, but at the same time knowing she has no right to be jealous. And incredibly sweetly, what really annoys her is that “he was laughing, Mac. Before he opened the door, I could hear him laughing.” Phryne and Jack are so acutely aware of not pressuring the other that they completely fail in communicating what they want. Jack’s sister – because that’s the mysterious woman – asks him:

“So, you’re not worried about her?”
“Because of this? No. I worry about her getting herself arrested, or possibly shot, but this kind of thing? No.

Of course, the readers just want to tackle Jack at this point, but he perseveres, and it’s probably lucky he has a clever sister. She has the same no-nonsense take on things as her brother, at least: “I hope I get another chance to meet her while I’m here, preferably fully clothed.”

In @firesign23’s “As stimulating as black coffee”, Jack has followed Phryne to England just for them to realise that they aren’t working, sexually: 

It’s fine,” he said. “You just surprised me.” 
“I’m aiming higher than fine, Jack.” 
The man actually pouted. “Well, I certainly wasn’t achieving it.” 

They have a wonderfully ridiculous argument and part ways, which is a very fun turn of the reunion in England – of course that’s not the end of it though. 

@promisesarepiecrustMaybe more?” is a lovely short take on the question of Phryne and marriage, as she wakes to a note left by Jack that seems to say “marry me?” Phryne is rattled: “When she’d first read it, she couldn’t help the words that left her mouth: first a curse, followed by “Oh, Jack, no— why would you do that?!”” As the trope is what it is, maybe he didn’t exactly – and it plays out in a lovely way.

Phryne is Very Angry.

The final humourous fic is @jeneenp/collingwoodgirl’s “Licence to Thrill” and its theme of overhearing. Without him noticing, Phryne overhears Jack talking with colleagues, and is appalled as she realises he is talking rather demeaningly about her. Everything she ever thought about him crashes down completely, the betrayal is enormous, and she walks into his office and hits him hard in the face. Jack’s reaction is wonderful – without taking his eyes off her, he asks the other policemen to leave them alone:                                        

For nearly a full minute, there was nothing but silence. All three men appeared to have been turned to stone by the furious goddess that stood before them. It was only when Jack reached up and, unbelievingly, dabbed at his cheek that she was reminded he was still flesh and blood.
“Collins—” Jack growled, his eyes never leaving hers.
When Hugh didn’t move, Jack barked again. “Both of you! Out. Now.”

And Phryne “found it largely reminiscent of a hostage negotiation. It was immensely satisfying.” What follows is a delicious conversation where he tries to understand her fury, she slowly realises that they had actually been talking about something completely different from what she’d gathered, and an equally delicious making up.

In the category angst light I place three fics. @suigeneris221b‘s “Someone is waiting” gives us Jack finding out through the newspaper’s gossip column that Phryne has married in London. He decides to immediately repress all his feelings until he can go home and have a breakdown in peace. It’s both humorous and angsty, and Mac’s telegrams to Phryne asking what the heck she is doing are great. As the trope is miscommunication, we probably shouldn’t take the newspaper’s story at face value, and we get truly wonderful interactions between the triad of Phryne, Jack and Mac while trying to make it all right again. Something similar can be said about @whopooh’s “I’d know you anywhere,” where the slightly angsty misunderstanding instead stems from Jack being feverish after a knife wound, mistaking people for each other. Again, Mac is a solid rock for her BFF Phryne. In @missingmissfisher’s “A thousand times over”, the misunderstanding evolves from Phryne having received a faulty message, which makes her walk in on Jack having dinner with and comforting Rosie, and this then leads to several disastrous attempts at contact between the two. Finally, in a lovely turn, Jack manages to communicate through the flower language, but it wouldn’t have worked out without the translation help from her solid friend Mac, educated in the natural sciences.

Finally, the end of the spectre: the angst proper of miscommunication, which obviously can be rather heavy. In @rositalg’s “Old Habits Die Hard Holding On” Phryne and Jack have just about started a relationship, and in a clever twist the fic in one single scene explores three things: Jack’s fear of Phryne wanting other men, the fear belonging to the threat of a serial killer in a case, and Phryne’s fear that goes back to her backstory with René. There is a flinch in the fic that is really devastating. Two fics deal with mistaken news of death: comeaftermejackrobinson’s “The tell-tale heart” explores a possible parallel to “Blood at the Wheel” – if it was instead Phryne who at that moment in time would receive a message that Jack had died, and also discovering that he had put her down as ‘next of kin’: “He had listed her as his next of kin and had never said a word about it. She could have killed him for putting her through this, really, had he not been already dead”. @omgimsarahtoo’s “In the Next Breath” explores the Phryne receiving mistaken news of Jack’s death when they are already in an established relationship – the feeling of loss is acute:

Her head swam, and when she dropped her hand from her eyes, she could see Dot’s concerned face, black spots swimming through her field of vision. Ha, dots on Dot. The thought made her huff out a laugh, and she clapped a hand over her mouth, horrified.

Only minutes after the news, Jack comes home to a devastated household, and acutely heightened from the thought of the loss are Phryne’s emotions and the feeling of making love to him.

The last fic is the most angsty one, @ladyroxie’s “Between the Shadow and the Soul”. In this multi-chapter case fic, Jack disappears on his way to England without a trace, and as Phryne doesn’t even know he decided to follow her, it takes time before anyone starts to miss him – a nightmare in itself. Jack has been badly injured by a person who steals his identity to travel, and when Phryne finally realises he’s gone missing, she investigates, takes help from an old friend in England, and goes to Egypt to try and find him. It is very suspenseful and the question is if she’ll manage to find him, and in time. Jack’s injuries here were so brutal that @221aubrina in “The Library” – which here can serve as a sweet appendix to the trope – wrote a wonderful meta story about the librarians that take care of all the ‘Jacks’ that have been out in circulation among the fanfic writers and have been damaged. After @ladyroxie’s fic, the librarians check the injuries and note:

“Yeah… he’ll need a good deal of extra time and care in The Restoration Lab.“
Norton shook his head. "Huh. Pretty bad then, eh?”
Harris nodded to his colleague. “We might have to bring a couple of the other copies out before this edition’s fit to be checked out again, if it ever is.”
“Think he might have to go to the Special Collections Wing?” Norton queried.

Thus we can, even in this journey towards more and more angst, end on a humorous note.

This was the February trope, and I look very much forward to reading stories of March’s trope, “Bottle episode”. 

Long Enough / Jack Maynard

Request:  Hii!Would it be possible for you to write a imagine where jack and y/n are friends but have feelings for each and sth happens and jack gets really jealous and confess to y/n that he likes her etc?? Love your imagines😄💓 Have a great day 💜👑xx

“Do I really have to do this, Amy?” you asked your best friend as she did your hair.

“You don’t have to, but maybe you should. You told me you were sure he doesn’t feel nothing for you, so why not go on a date to froget about him a little?” She smiled at you through the mirror.

She was right. You needed help to get ove Jack; get over his beautiful blue eyes, his soft hair, his irresistible lips, his arms that held you so tight. Shit, you did need help.

You were sure that he didn’t feel a thing for you, if he did he would have made a move, right? He would have told you, he wouldn’t have slept with all of those girls he met during nights out.

“Well, it’s almost time so I’m gonna head back to my flat, yeah?” She got up and you walked behind her towards your door “I’ll text you at ten, yeah? And you will tell me how it went.”

“Sure.” You smiled “Drive safe. Love you!” You said as she blowed a kiss to you and left.

You closed the door and sat down, looking at your high heels by the door. He’s gonna be here any minute. You met him at the park, while you were hanging out with Amy, and he wasn’t shy to come and ask you on a date after talking to you for a few minutes, you would have politely declined his offer if it wasn’t for your best friend moving her arms all around as she nodded with her head. And here you were, waiting for your date.

He was quite handsome and tall but no one could compare to Jack. No one was as good as he was, and you hated that you couldn’t help but compare him to all the guys you met, and of course, he always was better than them. Always.

You got up and put on a fake smile as soon as you heard someone knocking at your door. You walked there and opened it, and you must say that you were quite surprised to find Jack standing there instead of your date.

“Wow, you look fantastic.” He smiled. “Going anywhere?” he asked as he walked into the house, closing the door behind him.

Shit, why did he have to smile? You loved his smiled.

“Actually, yeah.” You smiled back “I’m waiting for him to pick me up.”

“Him?” He asked confused.

“Yep. I’ve got a date.” You said and watched his face drop.

“What?” You were about to repeat yourself but he stopped you. “Why would you go on a date?”

You frowned at his question “Why wouldn’t I?”

He failed to answer straight away “Because,” he stopped “because he’ll break your heart!” he yelled.

“How could you possibly know that?!” You yelled at him.

He was gonna yell something back but the doorbell rang. You both looked at the door and then back at each other. Jack went to open the door and you wanted to stop him but it was too late, he was already talking to the guy waiting outside.

“We’re in the middle of something important, right now, okay?! If you really like her you’re gonna wait here!” He yelled and closed the door and turned back to you.

“What the fuck was that, Jack? Why would you do that? You had no right to yell at my fucking date just because-” He cut you off by walking across the room and smashing your lips together.

You were shocked. Jack Maynard, the guy you were in love with, was kissing you, and you weren’t kissing back! His hands were cupping your cheeks and he didn’t move his lips. As soon as you were out of shock you relaxed your body and placed your hands on his chest, starting to kiss back.

“Because I love you,” he pecked your lips “and I can’t let you go with someone else when I should be the one you’re with.”

“Y-you l-love me?” You stuttered. He nodded, his nose brushing yours as he did. You smiled, and wrapped your arms around his neck “Took you long enough.” You giggled “I love you too, Jack.” you kissed him again.

“I don’t want to stop kissing you but, what are we gonna do about that guy out there?” he asked, nodding towards the door. You pursed your lips and frowned “I’ll handle it, love.” He smiled and opened the door. “Hi, I’m Jack! I’m sorry but Y/N won’t be able to go out with you tonight, or any day since she’s got me for that now! Sorry, you just lost an awesome girl. Bye mate!” and with that he closed the door, coming back to you and hugging you.

“I can’t believe you just did that.” you giggled.

“Well believe it.” he chuckled and picked you up and took you to the sofa “Now we’re gonna cuddle.”

A few hours had passed and Jack was now half asleep cuddled up to you as you played with his hair and watched netflix. When you started the day, you never thought this is how you would end it, you wished for it to end that way but never thought it would happened. You were glad it did though.

You jumped a little when you heard your phone ring and hurried to answer it so the sleepy Jack didn’t get bothered by the ringtone.

“Hello?” You asked just a little louder than a whisper.

“Y/N? Why are you whispering? Are you okay?” She asked and you chuckled.

“I’m more than fine, Amy”

“Babe, who is it?” Jack asked, lifting his head up.

“Oh. My. God! It’s only the first date and you took him to bed I swear I-”

“It’s Jack!” You smiled.

She stayed silent for a minute “Maynard? What is he doing there? I’m so confused, please explain.”

“I’ll tell you everything tomorrow over lunch, yeah? I love you. Gotta go!”

“But-” You laughed and said bye again before ending the call.

You looked down at Jack to fin him already looking at you. You smiled and kissed him, slowly, enjoying the moment you had been wishing for months. He broke the kiss, which made you let out a little noise of discomfort with his action.

“Will you be my girlfriend?” He asked. The butterflies in your stomach went crazy over those five simple words.

You smiled brightly “Of course I will!” You said and kissed him again.

Who from Achievement Hunter do you fight?
  • Geoff Ramsey: He could hold his own, but would probably be too drunk to care depending on the day. Fight him, you got this.
  • Jack Pattillo: why would you even want to fight Jack. He is the embodiment of puppies and kittens. Don't fight him what's wrong with you.
  • Ryan Haywood: no. Don't do it. He throws knives. You stand no chance. Do not fight.
  • Michael Jones: while Jack is the embodiment of puppies and kittens, Michael is the embodiment of a volcano. If he wants to fight you, you're fucked. Do not fight.
  • Ray Narvaez Jr: Fuckin do it. The dork would probably fall asleep halfway through. Fight the hell out of him.
  • Gavin Free: the dude weighs like eight pounds. You could blow on him and he'd probably fall over. You could take him. Fight 'em.
  • Jack: This time tomorrow he'll be back in 1918.
  • Ianto: In his own time. Would you go back to yours, if you could?
  • Jack: Why? Would you miss me?
  • Ianto: Yep.
  • Jack: ...I left home a long time ago. Don't know where I really belong...Maybe that doesn't matter any more.
  • Ianto: I...know you get lonely.
  • Jack: Going home wouldn't fix that. Being here, I've seen things I never dreamt I've...loved people I never would have known, if I'd just stayed where I was. And I wouldn't change that for the world.