I recently played and fell in love with Resident Evil 7 and said to myself what if Disney developed the game with disney characters and my first thought was Goofy would totally be Jack Baker and Max as Lucas. Why you may ask? Cause I’m an ass. Enjoy!
Can you imagine a spy kids au where Bitty is the perfect homemaker and bakes pies all the time and Jack is this super hockey player who takes time off to take care of his family and on the surface it looks like they have a picture perfect family with two perfect kids
but little does everyone know that Bitty and Jack are actually super spies and they’ve been covertly training their kids to be ready for #SpyThings and one day they disappear and their kids are like WTF
so then their kids have to go to their Uncle Shitty and Aunt Lardo to find out about the Family Business™ (less Supernatural more Totally Spies) and then they go save their parents from the clutches of a guy named Kent who is still not over the fact that Bitty is actually the fairest in the land and omg Jack why did you ever leave me we would’ve been perfect together
and then the kids show up and kick Kent into next year all like “omg stop macking on our dad” and then Bitty is like “yall are skipping school I can’t believe this” and Jack is just beaming because those are his kids being badasses
can i get one where her and joe are dating but the boys don’t know, her and all the boys go round to joe’s but she’s forgotten that she’s wearing his hoodie cos she stole it ages ago. the boys are all staring at her then when she goes to the bathroom, the boys steal her phone and figure out her password and her home screen is her and joe kissing then they confront her about it xxx
It was a lazy Sunday afternoon and you were napping, as usual. What better way to prepare for a hectic week than sleeping a day away? Your lovely nap, however, was rudely interrupted by your phone loudly going off beside you. You groaned and forced your eyes open to look at who was calling you at this hour (3:26 in the afternoon to be precise). Jack? Why would Jack be-
“Hey Jack,” you said, answering the phone and kicking your blanket off your body.
“Where are you?” Jack laughed on the other end.
“Sorry, sorry, loads of traffic,” you said, yanking off your shorts and putting on some leggings. “I should be there any minute.”
“Okay well everyone else is at Joe’s already,” Jack said. “The movie starts in 30 minutes and we’re all waiting on you.”
“Yeah well I can’t really rush the traffic,” you said, smelling a sweatshirt to see if it was clean. You shrugged and tried to force it over your head while still talking to Jack. “Really, I should be there any minute. I gotta go, really shouldn’t talk and drive. See you soon!” And you hung up.
You had completely forgotten that you and the buttercream boys had plans to see Logan at 4:00 that day. You tamed your hair as much as you could, throwing it in a half up bun and then put on more deodorant whilst trying to brush your teeth. With a spritz of perfume, you grabbed your wallet, keys, and phone, and ran out the door.
Only when you caught your reflection in your car window did you realize what you were wearing. The tan sweatshirt you had picked up off the ground belonged to none other than your boyfriend, Joe. You looked at your phone- 3:41- and realized running back inside and changing would take too long. So, you hopped in your car anyway and started the drive to Joe’s.
You and Joe had been dating in secret for about four months. Neither of you wanted to tell the boys quite yet as you knew once they knew, any privacy you once had would be gone. After all, they loved taking the piss out of each other, and this would be a perfect opportunity for them to do so to you and Joe. Surely they wouldn’t recognize Joe’s jumper. It was only a generic tan jumper. Anyone could own it. Hell, it could’ve been yours.
When you got to Joe’s you parked your car and rushed up to the door and knocked loudly. Only a few seconds passed before it swung open. “(Y/N)!” Caspar cheered immediately. “We gotta get a move on!”
“Yes, I know, I’m late,” you sighed. “Traffic was a bitch.”
“Oh come off it, (Y/N)!” Jack laughed. “We all know you were napping.” You rolled your eyes at them then quickly put all your shit on the counter.
“I have to pee before we go,” you said. The boys all groaned. “You can wait two more minutes!” you laughed. So, you ran off to the bathroom.
As soon as you were out of earshot, the boys began talking. “Joe, isn’t that your jumper?” Jack asked. “The one you’ve been complaining has gone missing?”
“What?” Joe replied immediately. “No, no I don’t think so.”
“Mate are you sure?” Oli said back, quirking an eyebrow. “It looked bloody similar.”
“Why would (Y/N) have my jumper?” he asked back, hoping none of the boys noticed that he was blushing.
“Something isn’t adding up,” Conor said suspiciously, tapping a finger to his chin. “I know a sure fire way to solve this once and for all!”
Before anyone knew what he was doing, Conor snatched your phone up off the counter. “Whoa,” Joe said quickly, standing up from the couch. “You can’t just go through her phone!”
“Well why not?” Josh asked, smirking and folding his arms across his chest.
“Because, because, well it’s private!” Joe stuttered. “What if she has, like, nudes on it or something, huh? You can’t just look at them!”
“If there are nudes of (Y/N) on there I definitely want to see them!” Jack said, looking over his brother’s shoulder at the phone.
“Does anyone know the passcode?” Conor asked, typing 123456 and failing.
The first thing that the boys saw was your home screen- a picture of you and Joe kissing.
The boys all let out cheers, patting Joe on the back and tackling him in headlocks.
That was when you walked out of the bathroom.
“What’s going on?” you asked with a laugh. “You’re all acting like animals!” Immediately the boys straightened up and Conor put his hands behind his back. While he had been quick, he wasn’t quick enough. “Conor what are you doing with my phone?” you asked, putting your hands on your hips.
“I don’t have your phone,” Conor said.
“Conor Maynard you show me your hands right now!” you said sternly. He pursed his lips and held his hands out to you, revealing your still unlocked phone. When you took it out of his hand and saw that your home screen was visible, you blushed. “Well,” you said, slipping your phone into the waistband of your leggings, trying to act completely innocent. “What do you all have to say for yourselves?”
“Us?” Jack laughed loudly. “What about you! And you!” He turned to Joe now.
“How long have you two been, been, canoodling?” Caspar asked, his hands now on his hips.
You looked at Joe who was smiling lightly at you, clearly amused that the boys had found out this way. “Four months?” you said, looking at Joe for confirmation. He nodded and walked over to you, putting his arms around your waist and putting his head on your shoulder.
“You kept this from us for four months?” Conor gasped, holding a hand to his chest.
“Well, you guys aren’t very observant,” you said honestly. “How’d I give it away today? Was it the sweatshirt?” They all nodded and you laughed, “How is that the one thing you notice? We’ve had loads of other slip ups.”
“Like what?” asked Mikey.
“Oh, there was that time I left my bra on his couch,” you laughed. “Or the time I spent the night and you guys came over before I could leave. I had to spend bloody two hours in his closet!”
“Unbelievable,” Oli laughed. “Honestly I’m impressed you’ve kept it hidden this long.”
“Yeah well I’m glad we don’t have to anymore,” you said. You turned your head and placed a kiss on Joe’s cheek. The boys all groaned and made mumbled comments about PDA, but you just smiled. A weight you didn’t even know you were carrying had been lifted off your shoulders.
do it. he looks scary but he's not. he is afraid of snakes so if you wear a shirt that has a snake on it he will lose his powers. however if you catch him drunk, run. but if he's sober, do it. fight geoff ramsey but be careful
why would you ever fight jack. he is a perfect ray of sunshine. there is magic in his beard. he is large and made of love and probably like kittens or something. don't do it. don't fight jack
DO!! NOT!! FIGHT!! RYAN!! HAYWOOD!! HE WILL TEAR YOU A NEW ASSHOLE AND LOOK ADORABLE WHILE DOING IT AND YOUR FAMILY WILL MISS YOU DO NOT FIGHT RYAN HAYWOOD
fight michael. he's a ball of rage and if you let him get close he'll fuck your shit up but you can just put your hand on his forehead and hold him at arm's length while he tries to run at you like a bull. lindsay will probably cheer for you. do it. fight michael
just sorta punch him in the nose and he'll probably squawk and fall over and start crying. but there will be no glory in fighting gavin free. only sadness. why would you do such a thing. you can fight gavin if you really want to but it will be an empty victory and you should probably rethink your life afterwards
don't fight burnie. he's 6'2 and he punched out a horse once. the laws of mortals do not apply to burnie burns and he will fire you even though he's not CEO anymore. don't do it. don't fight burnie.
you can maybe fight jon but only if you're okay with losing all your points. depending on what mood he's in he may award you points for winning. fight jon risinger but only if you're feeling lucky
he'll probably run away and bitch about you on the next podcast. it would be hilarious to everyone else and you would have brought laughter to the lives of millions. do it. fight gus.
you cannot slay a god
you could maybe fight lindsay but only by being sneaky and even then michael would snap your neck if you win. distract her with conveniently placed cat pictures and you could sucker punch her because let's face it, you couldn't take her one on one. maybe fight lindsay but only with prep time
ray narvaez jr:
he's already dead don't hurt him more
do it. fight chris. it'll be hilarious give him a wedgie and hang him off something by his underwear. take his lunch money. buy something cool with it. shove him in a locker. fight chris demarais
she's canadian she'll just ascend into her moose form and headbutt ur ass to the nearest tim hortons. don't fight barbara
so anna and i occasionally toss around ideas for an extremely ridiculous au in which jack atlas is a fashion designer/occasional model, when the actual models are NOT DISPLAYING HIS OUTFITS TO BEST ADVANTAGE
Jack:This time tomorrow he’ll be back in 1918. Ianto:His own time. would you go back to yours? If you could? Jack:Why? Would you miss me? Ianto:Yup. Jack: I left home a long time ago. I don’t know where I really belong. Maybe that doesn’t matter anymore.
“Everyone said, why didn’t Jack kiss you after, which of course, he would never do there. But you had to march out in such order that I was about eight behind him … And I so badly wanted to see him before the lunch, just to see him alone… . And I caught up to him in the Capitol and, oh, I was just so proud of him.
And there’s a picture where I have my hand on his chin and you know, he’s just looking at me and there really were tears in his eyes… . suddenly a flash came because I didn’t think there was anyone there. In the papers it said, wife chucks him under chin. I mean, that was so much more emotional than any kiss because his eyes really did fill with tears. ”
I like your S4 ending theory about Bellamy and Clarke actually ending up on the same side of the dropship door so-to-speak. I'm hoping for some Titanic inspired scenario where Bellamy and/or Clarke last minute decides to sacrificially jump ship and go to the other person so that they are "together" (a la Jack saying "what are you doing, you're so stupid why would you do that!")
You jump, I jump. I’m on that list, you’re on that list. There’s an echo there.
Now we all know how Titanic ends, and Jack sacrifices himself for Rose.
But it remains to be seen if Bellamy would let Clarke sacrifice herself for him. Or if he would jump with her.
Let’s call it an alternate possibility. We should be looking for as many alternate possibilities as we can right now, instead of fixating on one possible end point. We should also remember JR’s love of extreme plot twists, so that the ending we think is likely all the way right until it happens, is reversed and completely turned on its ear.