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NEW MUSIC VIDEO: All Time Low - “Life Of The Party”

Okay but seriously

It’s been wonderful seeing all the Dad!Gabriel and Dad!Jack ideas going around for when Jesse first joins Blackwatch, but y’all are missing the PRIMEST OF PRIME opportunities here:

Jesse with not one BUT TWO Commander Dads with bad puns, dad jokes, and a whole slew of embarrassing ideas.

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Gabriel basically rescues and adopts Jesse from Deadlock

Jack: …well. This is it, Jack.
Jack: you’re a dad now.
Jack: time to be a loving and supporting partner to your husband in this endeavor, and a responsible and warmhearted role model to this poor kid who has had so much go wrong in his young life.
Jack: …
Jack: guess I gotta learn how to golf now.  
Jack: …
Jack: and also buy all my clothes from Costco.                      



Five minutes later

Gabriel: …what the actual fuck are you wearing
*Jack in Hawaiian button up, cargo shorts, socks and sandals*
Jack: …
Jack: we’re dads now, Gabe.
Gabriel: …
Gabriel: shit you’re right

Five minutes later

Jesse comes outside into the break area of the Watchpoint.

Jesse: hey, y'all seen my hat anywhere? I think Fareeha hid it - CHICKEN ON A DONKEY WHAT THE FUCK
*Jack and Gabe practicing really bad golf swings in Hawaiian shirts, cargo shorts, and socks and sandals*
Jack: hello, kiddo
Gabe: sup, chico
Jesse: …
Jesse: Hey uh
Jesse: can I choose to go to jail instead      


                  
Twenty minutes later

Ana: I should have expected this from you, Jack
Ana: but you too, Gabriel?? I expected better from you
Torbjörn: …you expected better from Gabriel “I wear my beanie in New Mexico” Reyes?
Gabriel: I detect some sarcasm there
Jack: Ana…Ana, don’t you see?
Ana: ??
Jack: we have a TEENAGER living in the base with us
Ana: …
Torbjörn: …
Reinhardt: …team, we know what we must do

Five minutes later

Jesse: still can’t find my hat - CHEESE WHIZ ON A CRACKER WHAT
*Entire Strike team in Hawaiian shirts, cargo shorts, socks and sandals*
Jesse: …
Jack: …we’re all dads now



Twenty years later

In the theater on the Hollywood map

Jesse: …
Shiver Reaper: …
Golden 76: …
Shiver Reaper: hey, chico
Golden 76: how ya doin’, kid?
Jesse: …
Hanzo: …do you know these people, Jesse?
Jesse: …nah
Lúcio: introduce us to your friends!
Jesse: …extra hell nah
Golden 76: hey Jesse
Golden 76: watch this!
*Golden 76 starts doing push ups*
Hanzo: …
Lúcio: …
Sombra: …
Jesse: how.  why.
Shiver Reaper: …like you’re one to talk
Shiver Reaper: you look ridiculous
Jesse: …
*flashbacks to late adolescent and young adult years of his foster fathers in bad polo shirts and ugly plaid pants and Daredevil 76 and Pumpkin Reaper*
Jesse: …I CANNOT BELIEVE
*Jesse McCree has left the game.*
Shiver Reaper: …
Golden 76: …
*Reaper and Soldier: 76 high-five*
Golden 76: We still got it.