jack satan


What happened?


So Kelly giving birth to Lucifer’s rape-baby (named JACK, good old Jack Satan) ripped a floating glowy space vagina in the front yard. Inside the glowy space vagina was a world in which Sam and Dean were never born, and so it’s literally Hell On Earth. Bobby is there for cameo purposes. They decide to lock up Lucifer into the Glowy Space Vagina world. They succeed in getting him in there, and Crowley sacrifices himself to close up the portal to Glowy Space Vagina World, because SURE.

Cas says he trusts his Baby-God because Baby-God is going to make a world without pain, fear, want, suffering, etc. Paradise. You know, like the Paradise of a static Heaven he rejected and fought against, that little thing THE WHOLE FUCKING SHOW IS BASED AROUND. It’s moronic and doesn’t make sense, but Dabb thinks your scripts making sense is for losers.

Then, FOR LITERALLY NO REASON IT WASN’T PART OF THE PLAN AND SAM AND DEAN HAD NEARLY SUCCEED, Cas pops into Glowy Vagina World and gently stabs Lucifer in the kidney for some reason. Nobody knows why, Lucifer was going to be sealed and away. Sam and Dean jump back into the real world, there’s a pause, and hey Cas made it back, he wasn’t sealed in there too.

But oh noes, Lucifer is right behind him, and stabs him with an angel blade, killing him. There’s wing burn marks on the ground. Dean screams no, Mary runs out and begins punching the shit out of the devil with brass knuckles, because it’s just fucking whatever at this point. Lucifer grabs Mary, pulls her into Glowy Vagina World, and the portal closes. They’re stuck there.

Cas’s death may be the stupidest thing SPN has ever produced, and they once had a possessed mannequin episode and a racist truck episode and three separate bestiality episodes. It’s like you know when your writing fic, and can’t figure out how to get to Point A to Point B, but you want to move on and finish the bulk of the first draft, so as a placeholder you put “And then some shit happened for reasons”? Imagine that being filmed and shot and put on national TV for all to see. Because Andrew Dabb is a hack with no pride who thinks we’re all as stupid as his scripts are.

Dean stares at Cas’s dead body, while Sam goes and chases down Jack Satan, a creepy CGI nude teenage boy that I laughed so hard at seeing.

Kelly died giving birth to teenage Jack Satan. But she was beautiful while doing it, and that’s all that matters.

Also Rowena was killed offscreen in the beginning. Because there’s a  misogyny quota and all.

I swear I am not making any of this up.

nostalgia; you can miss someone in a lot of ways, and you can just miss the idea of them. it’s hard to tell the difference, sometimes. [listen]

01. drown - front porch step / 02. long lost friends - transit / 03. i hope you’re missing me - moose blood / 04. i don’t like who i was then - the wonder years / 05. damaged kids - broadside / 06. rip in peace - roam / 07. cover you up - real friends / 08. ides - forever came calling / 09. gold rush - knuckle puck / 10. closure - the story so far / 11. miss missing you - fall out boy / 12. far too young to die - panic! at the disco / 13. breaking free - night riots

Jack as the name of Lucifer’s baby:

  • it’s a diminutive of John
  • Jack was so popular in the middle ages that it’s become a generic term for “man”
  • it was popular in fairy tales like Jack and the Beanstalk and Jack the Giant Killer

Satan Jr has a name that highlights his human side, is associated with someone who defeats mythical giants, and is an alternate version of John which is a name associated with the Winchesters

Story idea where Jack Starbright is Black Widow.

A young, cheerful American - or American-sounding - woman with red hair. 

She’s assigned to work as Ian Rider’s housekeeper so that SHIELD can keep their ear to the ground about what British intelligence is up to, and maybe she, like, assists Ian without his knowing when he’s doing something important that the USA also has an interest in him not fucking up, and protects Alex a bunch of times so that Ian can’t be compromised and blackmailed. She does it so efficiently that Ian, Alex and MI6 don’t even notice. 

Then Ian dies, and before SHIELD can arrange to pull Natasha out, Alex gets sucked into the whole Stormbreaker thing. So they tell her to stay on, because teenage super-weapon? This is HUGE. And also Alex keeps getting himself mixed up in global catastrophes that SHIELD really needs to know about.

She gets instructions to go with Alex to Egypt because Scorpia are regrouping and SHIELD wants them down and out for good, and they don’t want to leave that to just Alex. But while staying in Cairo she gets the message: Gods are showing up from other planets, Tony Stark is inventing groundbreaking new weapons, the whole Avengers thing is kicking off and they need her to come in. So they somehow fake her death in Razim’s car explosion and bring her back home.

I said Alex Rider was my fave. I never said I would be nice to him.