jack off crystal

lol if u work.  lol if you are into some scam like mining bitcoins.

i have a real solution for getting rich quick.  i plugged a jack off crystal into the wall next to my computer to sell my excess energy to the grid.

now i’m making like $25 a relief session, and im well on my way to paying off all my debt and buying the car of my dreams.  and unlike your phony sell out “job,” i’m building a green economy.

An actual conversation that happened when BuzzFeed's Editor-in-Chief Ben Smith stood over my shoulder and scrolled through my team's group chat:
  • Ben: Why are you all laughing?
  • Me: Oh god please don't.
  • Ben: *walks up behind me, reaches for my mouse, and starts scrolling up*
  • Coworkers: *audible groaning and chorus of "noooOOOO"s*
  • Ben: What is this?
  • Me: They didn't know about j/o crystals so I was explaining it to them.
  • Ben: What are...do I want to know what that is?
  • Me: Jack-off crystals. You can charge 'em up.
  • Ben: Jesus.
  • Me: I'm gonna get fired.
  • Ben: No, you're getting a promotion.
  • Me: *internally* (งツ)ว