jack off crystal

An actual conversation that happened when BuzzFeed's Editor-in-Chief Ben Smith stood over my shoulder and scrolled through my team's group chat:
  • Ben: Why are you all laughing?
  • Me: Oh god please don't.
  • Ben: *walks up behind me, reaches for my mouse, and starts scrolling up*
  • Coworkers: *audible groaning and chorus of "noooOOOO"s*
  • Ben: What is this?
  • Me: They didn't know about j/o crystals so I was explaining it to them.
  • Ben: What are...do I want to know what that is?
  • Me: Jack-off crystals. You can charge 'em up.
  • Ben: Jesus.
  • Me: I'm gonna get fired.
  • Ben: No, you're getting a promotion.
  • Me: *internally* (งツ)ว