jack off crystal

I really want a necklace cause i look better with necklaces objectively but i dont know what should be on it. all religious symbols are immediately out. all im left with is jack off crystals, anchors and this

An actual conversation that happened when BuzzFeed's Editor-in-Chief Ben Smith stood over my shoulder and scrolled through my team's group chat:
  • Ben: Why are you all laughing?
  • Me: Oh god please don't.
  • Ben: *walks up behind me, reaches for my mouse, and starts scrolling up*
  • Coworkers: *audible groaning and chorus of "noooOOOO"s*
  • Ben: What is this?
  • Me: They didn't know about j/o crystals so I was explaining it to them.
  • Ben: What are...do I want to know what that is?
  • Me: Jack-off crystals. You can charge 'em up.
  • Ben: Jesus.
  • Me: I'm gonna get fired.
  • Ben: No, you're getting a promotion.
  • Me: *internally* (งツ)ว