I see so many people wanting John Egbert to be Crocker John. It’s a great and scary concept and all, but all I could think of was…

…no. 

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She can’t have him.

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No one can.

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You see, he’s not like the other characters. No one can have John Egbert. That’s his role. Ever since the beginning of Homestuck

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John has always been the steadfast most annoyingly difficult to control character, and even the almighty Condesce and Caliborn himself can’t control him. 

He is mastered by no demon, no elder god, no omnipotent doggies friendly or otherwise, and certainly no fish queen. John Egbert is, as of now, the one truly free character in all of Homestuck, held back only by his love for his friends and no weaker bonds.