jack nicholson eyebrows

Things people have actually said to me with their face holes that should not be said to a pregnant woman:

“Twins or triplets? Hehehe” -creepy old dude at the store with Jack Nicholson eyebrows. Fuck off. I will punch you in your dumb, smug, ugly face.

“Do you really think you’re going to make it another month?” -coworker. Well, that is when I’m due and I’m on track as far as growth but thanks for saying I look huge.

“Do you want that frapuccino without the coffee?” -sweet, young barista at Starbucks. Friend, I have a 3 year old, a 4 year old, a full time job, and I’m growing a whole new human. Give me the goddamn caffeine.

“Are you getting your son circumcised?” -honestly I forget who asked me this but I know for sure the condition of my son’s penis is none of their business.

“How much bigger can you get?!?!” -my mother in law. She said this when I still had 8+ weeks to go. Well, I can get about 2 months bigger, probably.