jack in the beanstalk

before he sells the beans to jack, he is born in a house that smells of ceder.

his name is Tiffany. a bold bright name. a stardust name. a girl name. but he is not a girl. he knows this, even if others don’t. his mother puts him in dresses, teaches him how to sew, chastises him when he lets his voice get low.

“my great-aunt’s friend’s sister,” says his mother, with her red lips tight, “once knew these girls that spoke and diamonds came out of their mouths. you know what happened to the nasty one? she got toads. that’s your future if you don’t figure out how to be a nice little girl.”

so he speaks gently. but the whole time he is wondering: who gave them the language of gems. who gave them the language that rolled out of them. it must be magic. and if there is magic, maybe there is hope for him.

he takes off in a dark night. a sad night. one where the fire was too low and he was sick of mirrors. he leaves his mother a note: gone to find where the gems grow. 

in the black woods, he cuts off his hair. wears his father’s clothes. feels, at last, whole. runs and runs and runs until his air comes out in a wheeze. walks for weeks and weeks.

he finds the old woman carrying water. she is ugly, her mouth all twisted angry. but she carries the water alone. 

the boy does not have much. but he has shoulders. a good back. hands that work. when he takes her burden, she says, “thank you, young man.” and he smiles at her, but doesn’t say anything.

her house is damp. she feeds him stew, apologizes. says she used to make lovely foods but the price of milk and eggs got far too high. she says: if you carry my water for five weeks, i will give you something special. and he agrees.

she talks for him. spends a lot of time telling him of people he never met. girls with lips blood red. girls with white fairy dresses. boys who fell in love with swans. 

the boy says little. just nods. sleeps on the floor of her empty barn. when she’s not looking, he darns her clothes for her, keeps the floors swept, fills the lanterns with oil, makes her a blanket for the coming winter. 

on the end of the fifth week, she gives him the beans. tells him that they have been passed down in her family, that this was her portion. she says that she is too old now for such adventures. that she hears the beans will bring treasure. fortune. all the things of greed. she says: i will give them to you, for what you have done to me.

in the morning, he takes off. he feels the weight of them in his pocket. he thinks of the old woman and the stories and the sight of her tired hands. he stands in the market for a long time, unspeaking, simply staring at the cobblestones beneath him.

jack’s voice is the last call in the evening. a beautiful cow, young and thick and healthy. 

the boy has no money. he bounces the magic bean in his pocket, and thinks of treasures. 

“wait,” he says. 

jack turns. 

transaction complete: one cow for a handful of magic beans. the boy walks the cow home to the old woman, gets there in the morning. they are both very tired. he falls asleep beside the beast in the hay. dreams of the foods the old woman can cook now that she can get milk.

when he wakes up, he is changed. it is as if he simply turned into who he was made to be. not a new body. familiar. the body he could always see.

the old woman stands at the door of his barn. she says, “good morning,” and then she says a new word. a word he’s never heard. a name. his name. a boy name. 

he repeats it. it is a jewel in his mouth, so he says it again. another diamond.

“time to fetch water,” she says, winking. the whole way, he whispers his name. it never quite tastes the same, always beautiful, always a fine thing, always his. the something special he was lacking.

in the back of his pocket, there is one last magic bean. he will fetch the water and plant it. and he will carry that old woman to the castles she has never seen.

Characters named Jack have no chill

Handsome Jack? Sociopathic dictator.

Jack Harkness? Screwed everyone ever.

Jack Sparrow? HA where to I start with this one

Jack Dawson? Reckless as FUCK

Jack Merridew? Set an island on fire.

Jack from Jack and the Beanstalk? Stole shit from a fuckin GIANT

name ONE character named Jack who has any chill

A World of Gold

I asked for Leagues and Legends fic prompts, and @lulla-lunekjaer said: “how Cassandra got to the desert/what she did there”

Spoilers for Remember the Dust from the get-go.                             


I brought Sam back because I knew that when everything fell to pieces he was the only one who was going to be on your side.

She could have killed him for that, for loving her enough to think she was worth Sam risking his precious self, but Thorne beat her to it. She stared impassively at the body, because she could see Thorne looking for a reaction and she’d be damned if she’d give him one other than bored disinterest and dignity, and thought ‘you were wrong, even he wasn’t on my side.’

Keep reading

And then Jack chopped down the beanstalk, adding murder and ecological vandalism to the theft, enticement and trespass charges already mentioned, but he got away with it and lived happily ever after without so much as a guilty twinge about what he had done. Which proves that you can be excused just about anything if you’re a hero, because no one asks inconvenient questions.

– Susan’s bedtime story | Terry Pratchett, Hogfather

The expression on Jack’s face wasn’t one Rupert had seen before. Rupert had been aware of the bouncy puppy dog of a guide for some time: the way Jack messily and consistently got into fights; his struggling grades in Equine studies, and perfect ones in classes like Foraging and Survival. Rupert knew that Jack had studied through every break since enrollment, rather than going home. he knew about the shifts he pulled in Nurse’s infirmary to help cover tuition. Rupert paid enough attention to everyone who walked over the Academy’s doorstep to know that, even bruised, Jack Farris smiled.
— 

Beanstalk, E. Jade Lomax

And in that moment, I lowkey shipped it. 

Fairy tale asks

Little Red Riding Hood : favourite piece of clothing that you own?

Sleeping Beauty : best dream you’ve had?

Cinderella : ever lost something that was important to you?

Peter Pan : a trip you enjoyed?

Alice in Wonderland : ever done drugs?

Beauty and the Beast : favourite animal?

Hunchback of Notre Dame : any disabilities?

Pinocchio : biggest lie you’ve told?

Rumplestiltskin : what would you consider your one weakness?

Rapunzel : how do you usually wear your hair?

Snow white : do you consider yourself attractive?

Princess and the Frog : best sexual experience?

Three little pigs : what country are you from?

Little Mermaid : any talents?

Ice/Snow queen : is there anyone you would sacrifice anything for?

Jack and the Beanstalk : worst obstacle you’ve faced?

My summary of the panel

1. Disney’s next Fairytale is Jack and the beanstalk. It’s called Gigantic

It’s set in Spain during the age of exploration. Jack meets a giant 11 year old girl up there in a whole world of giants. They showed one of the songs featuring her and it’s adorable.

2. Zootopia is a fully realized world and they did a bunch of animal research for it. It’s about a rabbit who becomes a cop and gets caught in a missing persons case. Her only lead is this con-man fox. Hi jinks ensue

Also the DMV is run by Sloths. It’s hiaruous

3. THE ROCK HIMSELF SHOWED UP FOR MOANNA AND THE CROWD LOST IT.

He plays a demigod named Maui and the story is about Moanas adventure to return sailing to her people. The ocean is sentient, and there’s a living island who looks FIERCE

also they played one of the songs live and it was awesome

4. Lots of Good Dinosaur clips. It looks promising

5. ELLEN DEGENERES SHOWED UP. THE CROWD LOST IT AGAIN

Finding Dory looks great!! They had a surprisingly large amount of clips for it.

6. That Dia de Los muertos movie is called Coco. They showed an animation test for it. It’s very vibrant and bright!

I’m upset though, since I know NO ONE will give this a chance and will judge it because of Book of Life.

7. Toy Story 4 is about searching for Bo Peep. It’s still super early in production, but randy Newman showed up and played “You Got A Friend In Me” LIVE!!

Overall it was AMAZING!!!!

Fairytale Titles in Spanish

  • Aladín. Aladdin
  • Alicia en el país de las maravillas. Alice in Wonderland
  • La Bella y la Bestia. Beauty and the Beast
  • La bella durmiente. Sleeping Beauty
  • Cenicienta. Cinderella
  • Ricitos de Oro y los tres ositos / osos. Goldilocks and the Three Bears
  • Hansel y Gretel. Hansel and Gretel
  • Jack y las habichuelas mágicas. Jack and the Beanstalk
  • Caperucita Roja. Little Red Riding Hood
  • Peter Pan. Peter Pan
  • Pinocho. Pinocchio
  • El gato con botas. Puss in boots
  • Rapunzel. Rapunzel
  • Blancanieves y los siete enanitos. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
  • El príncipe rana. The Frog Prince
  • La Sirenita. The Little Mermaid
  • El traje nuevo del emperador. The Emperor’s New Clothes
  • El zorro y el sabueso / Tod y Toby. The Fox and the Hound
  • Los tres cerditos. The Three Little Pigs
  • El patito feo. The Ugly Duckling
  • La princesa y el guisante. The Princess and the Pea
  • El flautista de Hamelín. Pied Piper of Hamelin
2

The Animal Alphabets Fairy Tale Edition continues on.  This week was N for Nutcracker.  Interesting to learn that the original story is a bit darker than the ballet that everyone knows.  In the original story, a princess is cursed by the Rat Queen to turn into a nutcracker doll.  To break the curse, the most handsomest man in the kingdom must find the hardest nut and crack it open with his teeth and must feed it to the princess before her transformation is complete.  However the curse is transferred to the handsome man and he takes her place as a nutcracker doll. No one tells him he would inherit the curse and is banished from the kingdom.  Its so sad