jack and eric

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On History and Pie - Mwuahna, WrathoftheStag (Mwuahna) - Check Please! (Webcomic) [Archive of Our Own]
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
By Organization for Transformative Works

Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Eric Bittle/Jack Zimmermann
Characters: Eric Bittle, Jack Zimmermann, Larissa “Lardo” Duan, Chris “Chowder” Chow, Justin “Ransom” Oluransi
Additional Tags: chubby jack, non athletic jack, history nerd jack, zimbits au, non sporty jack, jack is a history grad student, bitty is a baker, both are students at samwell, Falling In Love, self doubt, sweet bitty, sassy bitty, bad bob is still his dad and a hockey legend
Summary:

A nonathletic!Jack ficlet, where grad student and history nerd, Jack Zimmermann meets the cute Samwell student/baker Eric Bittle at the Bread and Butter Bakery. Will the two make a love connection?

Ok, But Like...

Bitty doing the “My Boyfriend Does My Voice Over” tag on YouTube with Jack narrating him baking a pretty basic pie and Jack still manages to fumble most of it like:

  • “Okay, now I’m just throwing in some…salt?…NO, SUGAR! Sugar! You don’t put salt in pies.“
  • “You’ve got to cut this doughy bit into strips so that you can…weave a basket cover for the pie…I don’t know, it’s called the crust, eh.”
  • “I don’t…I don’t know what I’m doing…”

And then there’s him just gently chirping Bittle throughout.

  • “I never use pre-canned fruits even though that would save me loads of time and I could actually leave some cherries in the house for Jack to eat…”
  • “Oh I’m dancing now…probably to Beyonce.”
  • “I don’t like these pans I’m using. I complain about them all the time but I think I’m being slick.”

But mostly it’s just him being totally gone on Bitty

  • “That’s not my shirt. That’s Jack’s shirt that he’s been looking for for three weeks…it looks better on me though.”
  • “I think I’ll be really excited that Jack got me the new pan set I’ve been talking about for my birthday…but it’s a surprise.”
  • “I look really good in the light in our kitchen. That’s why Jack has so many pictures of me in here…cause I’m beautiful.”

SOMEONE PLEASE WRITE THIS!!!

Jack Zimmermann Is Not Good At Flirting

Shitty: Okay, so your crushing on Bits, now what are you gonna do about it?

Jack: I’ve given this a lot of thought and I think I’m going to seduce him with my superior athletic skill 

Shitty:

Jack:

Shitty: Thats the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.

Jack: How dare you! I have an elaborate three pronged plan! I made a binder! *hands shitty the binder*

Shitty: Step one find bittle….step two seduce Bittle with my superior athletic skill….Step three…Jack does that say marriage? 

Jack: I needed a third prong…it’s a three prong plan…I’m not going to go after Bittle with a Two pronged plan Shitty thats just embarrassing. 

Shitty: You wrote Mr. Jack Bittle in the margins…

Jack: Oh I’m sorry, would you rather I make Bittle change his name? And what Shits? make our son grow up Rocket Gretsky Zimmermann I don’t think so. 

Shitty: Wait I’m sorry…you have your children names picked out…and you chose Rocket Gretsky? You know it’s guys like you that make me call myself Shitty.

Jack: Like the hockey players? also if you say it fast it sounds like Rocket Jetski which is just a cool bonus. 

Shitty: Oh yeah I’ll bet Bitty will love that. 

Jack: Yea-ohmygod! what am I gonna call Bittle when we get married? Should I start calling him Eric just to test it out?

Shitty: Uh…Okay well how about instead of marriage…you could just try coffee? 

Jack:  but how will I fit in the seducing? 

Shitty: I’m really not understanding how the seducing would work…I mean are you gonna like give him a lap dance or-

Jack: No! I’m just gonna like *waves hands around* you know jump and run and stuff…like just general…athletic things…until you know…stuff happens…

Shitty: Are you just naturally bad at this, or are you so beautiful you’ve never had to try before?

Jack: Bit of column A, bit of column B

Shitty: This isn’t going to work. 

Jack: Take that Shitty 

Bitty: What? 

Jack: Eat more protein…Eric. 

Bitty:

Okay so hockey is like, rife with superstitions and ritual.  

Each player has their own pre-game rituals, which are honestly on par with religious sacraments. You do not fuck with a man’s pre-game ritual.  Also, the inability to practice one’s pre-game ritual is deeply emotionally destabilizing.  Like, we’re talking serious repercussions here.  If a player is unable to complete their sacred ritual, there will be hell to pay.

Just as famous as Crosby’s famous pre-game plate of spaghetti, or Jack Zimmerman’s pre-game PB&J, is Snowy’s pre-game application of eyeliner.  It is not only essential to his game play; it is essential to the current alignment of our space-time continuum.  

Which brings us to Snowy, currently in the throes of an emotional breakdown, in seat 15C on the Falc’s bus, clutching desperately to his last remaining tube of La Nuit, Nior de Nior eyeliner as though it were the cooling body of his only son.

Keep reading

Concept: Bitty as a top selling writer who churns out highly popular stories in a well known magazine. Bitty is also the bane of the editing department, because he has to turn in a chapter a month.

“Hes so nice….but his work ethic is so terrible…but HES SO NICE HOW DO YOU MAKE HIM WRITE WITHOUT FEELING LIKE AN ASS?!”

His editor stuck with him through the ages until she became pregnant and decided that she cant take care of two infants at once so she passed the mantle of being Eric Bittle’s editor to the rookie (bc hes the only one she could con into taking the job) and left him notes

1) Call to remind him about the deadline one week in advance, and always tell him that its due three more days earlier than it is

2) Dont be fooled by his sweet tones and promises to “get right to it!” Check his twitter account omgcheckplease to make sure hes not tweeting

3) If he offers you pie take it. You wont regret it, BUT DONT LET THE PIE BRIBE YOU INTO GIVING HIM AN EXTRA DAY

4) You will probably have to show up at his apartment three days before to check in and make sure he has his draft almost finished.

5) Call his husband, Jack, at this number xxx-xxx-xxxx when all else fails and Bitty is ignoring you in favor of making more pie

6) Compliment his husband in front of him to get him in a good mood so he can start writing

7) But be careful not to get sucked into small talk that lasts hours. His southern charm WILL get to you so be aware.

concept: Jack Laurent Zimmermann, professional hockey player and forward for the Providence Falconers, loses a bet and can’t cut his hair for a full year. imagine:

  • the sheer flow
  • how after the first three months his hair is the same length as it was in the Q and everyone has flashbacks 
  • shitty running his hands through it
    • shitty moaning while he does this
    • shitty growing out his own flow again
  • it getting in jack’s way because he refuses to get a mullet (because bitty refuses to kiss him in a mullet)
  • sex hair
    • bedhead
      • bitty pulling his hair
        • shitty pulling his hair as a joke and he gets turned on
  • bitty tweeting progress pics so the whole internet can follow 
    • the blogs about jack’s hair
  • jack putting it up in a lil bun during warm ups so it doesn’t get in his face
  • jack constantly running his hands through his hair after games during the interviews and it’s Distracting
  • people photoshopping bad bob with the flow because he never had one
    • bad bob is jack for halloween and has this ridiculous Jagr wig and he’s so Extra
  • during movember jack just looks like a sasquatch and it’s everyone’s favorite month
  • when he can finally cut it again he gets an undercut as a joke and it’s like two years after the trend but he brings it back because fuck he looks good
    • jack has the idea because he watches peaky blinders and thinks, i could have hair like that

Okay but where is my meet cute AU where the Falcs do a “win a day with a falconer” auction and Jack is being bid on and my child looks so awkward and slightly terrified, gets won by mysterious gentleman in the back and silently dreads the day he’ll have to spend with this guy only to realize the guy is the most angelic southern cutie he’s ever seen, who bid on him because “sweetheart you looked so scared that 80-year old widower in the Leopard jumpsuit was going to win you I had to bid”???????

Eric Bittle enters the Falconers team dinner. It is moodily lit, the silhouettes of many enormous hockey men looming on the other side of the long dining room table. Jack holds his hand slightly tighter besides him and sighs, swearing softly in French.

“Tater, the lights!” Bitty hears someone hiss from across the table.

“Oh! Sorry!” The lights come on and Bitty is faced by an entire team of NHL players, doing their very best to look as intimidating as possible. And given that a few of them have put much larger men in hospital with hits on the ice, some of them are doing a very good job.

Tater slides past him, thumping him on the back. “Hello Itty Bitty!”

“TATER!”

“Sorry!”

Jack has gone from disapproving to very clearly trying not to laugh. Georgia is sitting on the end of the table, rolling her eyes affectionately at her players.

Thirdy and Marty are sitting in the middle of the line of players, in a tableau vaguely reminiscent of the Last Supper. They lean forward, and Bitty feels the nerves rising in his chest. He wasn’t even this nervous going to dinner with Bad Bob and Alicia.

Thirdy clears his throat, and they lock eyes with Bitty.

“Eric Richard Bittle.”

He pauses, clearly intending to do so for dramatic effect, but Bitty is just a touch too nervous to appreciate the dramatics.

“Yes, sir?”

Jack scoffs besides him and squeezes his hand in his.

Marty leans forward to join his fellow captain. And then, in perfect unison, exhibiting the synchronisation and teamwork that had led to many a tumblr post about their partnership, they opened their mouths and said,

“What are your intentions with our son?”

It's in the genes

“Bobby….did he call you for advice?”

Bob looks offended. “What? No! He did this all on his own.”

Alicia raises a brow. “…because our first Valentine’s you…”

“I know…”

“And this is…”

“I know,” he stresses. “But i swear, i didn’t say a word. It must be in the genes.”

Alicia gives a resigned sigh. “I’d better call that young man.” When Bob raises his brows curiously she adds, “He’s got a birthday coming up. And last year, before they were dating…he bought that boy an oven.”

Bob smiles tiredly, and nods.

Because he knows.

Really…it’s in the genes.

jack being sweet: when he wakes up from naps in bitty’s bed he gently adjusts señor bun so that he’s comfy on the pillows and tucked in just so

jack being silly: when bitty moves in and brings señor bun he starts treating him like the freakin elf on the shelf, moving him to different places for bitty to find, giving dorky lines like “oh, how’d he get up there? I didn’t know rabbits could jump that high”

A Compilation Of Jack Zimmermann Being An Adorable Little Show-Off

Fighting Off Football Players for Eric ‘Heart Eyes’ Bittle

Jack ‘My Dad Jokes Are Hilarious’ Zimmermann

Being a jolly hockey son

“See I can bake too Bittle!”

I’m just going to buy my good buddy Bittle to an oven, my friend Bittle…not even friend…teammate…my teammate Bittle…I’m such a good Captain.

Such a good Captain…No ulterior motives at all…look at the oven I bought for you the team bought for you…Bittle look at it. 

What undying love? He’s so happy…I’m such a good boyfriend Captain.

Being a show offy Liberal Arts dork (Tater is trying his best!)


Jack being a cold-resistant French Canadian son 

Jack being way too pleased that William ‘Hockey Players Don’t Bake’ Poindexter thinks his ass is fantastic 

Carrying his lovely boyfriend  over his shoulder because he’s a muscular, hockey playing, french canadian, liberal arts, Dad-Jokey, son.

I just have this HC in my head and- 

  • Like Jack and Bitty have just come out and obviously there are mixed results
  • Like mostly good, the Falcs are great and supportive, so are the majority of fans 
  • But sometimes they get these players that obviously don’t like it
  • Sometimes it’s just faces and glares
  • Sometimes it’s checks that are aimed at Jack throughout a game, regardless of whether or not he has the puck
  • And sometimes it’s subtle in chirps, or not sometimes not so subtle 
  • 80% of the time it ends in most of the Falcs dropping gloves
  • Then the Falcs and the Aces are playing a game
  • And one of the Ace’s says something to Jack, calls him a slur and mocks him
  • Before the other Falcs have a chance to react Kent drops gloves and is on him 
  • And that’s how Kent ended up with four pies, three bags of cookies and a basket of Danish pastries arriving at his door one day

I was tempted to write this but I have no time so instead take my little list of how it went down 

bonus for you patater ho’s : It’s a media circus and that’s essentially how Kent came out. Tater soon follows him in coming out by kissing him right there on the ice